The mirror screamed... my hand flew up clutching the darkest hair I had ever seen in my whole life... Overwhelmed by fuming anger... How could I have been so stupid, letting myself be talked into dying my lovely blonde hair? Leaning forwards for much needed support, I gripped the cold wash basin. I watched dye drip onto cream porcelain, confirmation at just how dark my hair was going to be... Squeezing eyes tight shut against another huge, manifested disappointment... I cried like a baby, not only was my hair going to be terrible it was going to match the rest of how my life was at this precise moment in time.
Minutes ticked by. At my wits end... what to do, what to do? Wash it off... Feeling the warm water spray against my head I observed the thickest, darkest colour mingle with clear water to mix and again prove the nightmare day I was having... Kneeling at the side of the bath not wanting to look in the mirror, I pulled myself up slowly. Yep, the darkness was still wrapped around my head. The smell of chemicals permeates the bathroom, my head bangs with swallowed stress.
"Wash it again" I heard an irritable voice say...
So I did, again then again but still darkness surrounded me. Wrapped in a towel, slumped onto the bed feeling utterly sorry for myself... I received a visitor... not in the mood I ignored the door, then I tried to ignore my mobile when the letter box lifted.
“I know your there” Heart quickening, I decided to go and pretend I'd been sleeping.
Opening the door, I burst into tears... not because I was upset over my hair no; the hair was just the last straw the very last straw...
I was distraught over the loss of my flame, my spark, my light... I felt anxious I didn’t know where it had gone. Every single day I looked hard for it... I found myself questioning the world, the people in it, life... for the first time in a life-time I was wondering... I mean really wondering, what is this all about... I thought I knew everything, been there, done that but in the end I was frightened, scared and alarmed to the point of panic... a million questions with no definitive answer.
I read somewhere a quote by Robert Burns ‘The purpose of life is a life of purpose’ wholeheartedly I agreed... but, now here’s the big never-ending pain in the ass but... I’ve stopped feeling it and for whatever reason at this moment in time my dilemma is why now?
I've always known we walk a path, experience things we do... achieve the things we accomplish... it’s all for a very good reason... to aid us in life to learn, to help, to support, to love, to protect, to cherish, to nurture, in the long run this is to help us move forward in life, so why would a progression be halted when a person is at the happiest they've ever been... I think I know... I think I just answered my own question...
I once read about a man who's name I forget, he said he felt as if life was like a combination but the combination was locked up in the safe... I feel, life is a safe and we all hold our own unique combination the thing is, when we try to unlock the safe another experience is sent to throw us off guard... sometimes those experiences are pleasant... sometimes they're nasty. We all have a fair share of both, but for me... the nasty one has thrown me to the floor, stamped on me and made me lose my key.
They say things happen for a reason.... Let's see what the reason is for this.