Sunday, 7 September 2014

I Believed...



(A Thousand Years - Christina Perri Lyrics)

 I Believed... By Jane Ewen.

I always believed you would find me... It was written in
ancient, timeless scriptures which foretold that I would love you.
 
Instinctively I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this treasure, this dream, if I didn’t believe.
I understood a deep, knowing... that I'd unconditionally give you all that I am, and the best thing was I saw as clear as any day, that I would be everything to you. That never-ending
invisible list which was built from years of being with beautiful people who
despite their best intentions were not YOU... I wondered aimlessly through life,
and l lived countless experiences, all of which would miraculously bring me to
a moment in time, a moment that would last forever... I wanted you; I implored the
universe for you to catch me, because I knew you’d be the one who would safely
hold my heart. I knew with inexplicably certainty, that you’d be the one who
would see through my walls.  

The beat of our music is magnificent.

I use to struggle to find a reason why I should be loved, but
just by being close you answered many questions, you ticked boxes. My
invisible, constrained list magically began to fade. Truth enveloped me, it
spoke to my soul, ice melted as it spelt words, and I cried, buried my face in
the warmth of you as I hugged your spirit. You whispered simple words of beauty, and managed to convey to me, with an honesty I’d only ever dreamed of, that you were here, you were really
here – at long last LOVE had found me. Oh my word, my lord, the absolute acceptance,
the beautiful, overwhelming feeling for the first time of being able to be ME. Someone
loved me, for who I am, no more pretending... This was so healing, and as all of
the hard years melted away, so forgiveness kicked in...   
Throughout my  life which was often hard, there had been a few happenings,
some good, some bad, as well as a few questions, with a few doubts, but in the
end, once I was secure it all managed to show me that if you believed hard
enough, truth will happen, and a special love would be born... This love will
not only touch you, but it will embrace all of those around you.   

For me the only unfortunate, negative to this much beauty, is
sadly not everyone finds this loveliness ... It’s possible though, it’s out
there, but for me, I believe fate has a huge part to play in this
game of life.  I suppose for now all I can
say is I am fortunate, and lucky in that I believed. Along the way I shared my beliefs with a chosen
few, some laughed, and others advised me to be realistic, but I knew in my
heart there was someone, I had seen a faceless version of him in my dreams, and I told myself I would know when I saw him...
and I did!

My darlings you have your own song, you know how you feel, believe...
take it forward, be what you wish to attract. Be honest, don’t hurt anyone, and
show kindness at all times. Just as I knew there was someone special looking
for me, I also know with that same unshakable, conviction, if we as human beings do all of
the above, the world will become a beautiful place, and all kinds of
beings will live a most wonderful life, especially a life without fear... I speak from experience when
I share; there is nothing worse than fear... I cry every time the news shows that
someone has died, someone is killed, murdered, or even lost and hurt. I don’t
know why, but my heart and soul feels indescribable pain, as if that individual
were my mother, my father, my sister, brother, or daughter etc. I know there
are beautiful people out there, beings who struggle with articulating these same
thoughts, and feelings, I know them to be as as loving as anyone else, and yet they find
being demonstrative, or open a huge challenge. If you struggle to feel
such depth in emotion, to the point it holds you back from being who
you truly are, then all I can disclose is that I was where you are now... I dealt
with it by taking time out to study myself, and rediscover who I was. It was a
tough, but beautiful journey; however it was also uplifting, and enlightening.  I’d never really liked who I was, In the end
though, I learned to like me and soon realised that actually, I wasn’t all that bad. With
it came an understanding of others, as well as myself. I started smiling more at people,
because I wanted to, and not because I had to. I came to
understand how precious a smile is, and the amazing impact it can have on
others.

If you’re reading this, and you don’t have any LOVE in your
life, I want you to know it’s not far away. Be positive, be ready to receive kindness,
and be ready to reciprocate that kindness, because that’s how it returns. Life
is wonderful, and that goes even if your life is currently in the toilet... it’s
a moment in time, and there’s always an end to experiences, which is just as
well given some of the moments some people live.
If your still here...
I would like to take this gorgeous opportunity
to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to visit my blog,
and read this post. Please come again and know: you will always get a response if you engage.  


I will be back soon.
Meanwhile alllow me to send amazing love,
and peace....
 

The Loft...


I recently read a quote by C.S Lewis:

 “I never exactly made a book. It’s rather like taking diction. I was given things to say.”

 I identify with his words, so much so, I have a space in my own land of make-believe!  

For quite a long time I’ve been creating characters, it’s got to the point where they talk to me, and dreamlike they make my stories seem real. Once created these characters are as authentic to me as family.  Early on I realised I needed a place to keep my personalities, somewhere they would be safe, and comfortable... so a lounge in the Loft of my mind was formed. My characters appear especially when I’m asleep, and sometimes, they come when I’m not even writing, a figure often appears in my mind’s eye, and it’s as if they were waiting in the shadows prior to stepping forward into the light. Sometimes when I’m driving the most amazing individual will materialise. When I do use those wonderful characters from the loft of my mind, it is they who speak, and like C.S. Lewis quite clearly states, I am also given things to say...
I have a facebook writer’s page: https://www.facebook.com/Jane.Ewen?ref=hl#!/Jane.Ewen which I write in daily, and recently I published a few posts just to give my readers a flavour, and hopefully a comprehensible sense of these delightful, and some not so delightful characters, and their instances... My included posts are tiny snippets of what has recently happened, and how I have dealt with them.

No. 1.
In the gloom they reach out to me...

Snoring gently, it doesn't take long for the characters that live in the loft of my mind to shake me awake. They demand attention... Rolling over I successfully manage to block out their unwelcome noise, and as I drift back to sleep, I very quickly step into dream world. Straining to see through swirling fog I glimpse a strange-looking couple who walk towards me with determination. It’s strange, but I know these two, and I sense they’re going to be important to my future in the writing world. They smile a smile that I would imagine is usually saved for the criminally-insane. Their rhythmic walk is obviously to their own beat. Their attire is from a bygone age. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end giving me a shivering shudder, which clearly tells me, all is not going to be well. Opening my eyes the fog clears, and as my trusty characters stand before me shaking their heads, we all witness the unsavoury couple step inside the double door of our loft... This is not good, and as I look towards my characters for support, they slowly step back into the shadows. I look into the lounge, and see the couple with their insane smiles fall backward onto the lofts leather sofas...

Ooh dear, it really is time to leave...

~ Jane Ewen ~
No. 2.
In the loft of my mind this morning...

The odd couple’s apparently missing; the atmosphere is tense, and a note lies strewn across the coffee table... It says,
'Be prepared'

l look up just in time to see my beloved characters, once again, step back into the gloomy shadows... For a second it all feels unreal, and then I realise the experience is like enjoying each scene as if watching the big screen. There is only one problem... I know the odd couple’s not missing, they are merely hiding!  

~ Jane Ewen ~


No. 3.
So much noise, the loft is banging tonight...

Delirious with exhaustion I gulp deep breaths of cinnamon scented air. With much annoyance, and immense irritation I stand to go and see what the hell is going on.

With bare feet I pound up each terracotta step, I reach double doors to the loft of my mind, and up to now this is where my characters have shared a lounge they call the loft.

I could really do without this... It’s been the longest day. All I want to do is rest, but no, they’re at it again. This is not acceptable, and these interruptions are starting to become customary.

I wonder what their excuse will be this time.

Pushing open the doors which shine silver and gold, I’m greeted by the newest character whose long black hair and tiny shoulders explode right into me; I grab her tiny frame to prevent her from falling over. Looking down I witness the relief in her eyes as she sees me.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Jane oh my god I am so relieved to see you, the odd couple are causing much distress... I thought I’d be able to handle them, but they cause much fear in the rest of the residents”

Pushing her back into the lounge I look around... the shadows are darker than I remember, however I’m able to see the scuffle of my guests as they huddle in the darkness.

“Where are they” I whisper...

“They have moved the sofa into the furthest recess where the light never touches, and they consistently growl at us, which is causing much concern”

I didn’t like this couple when they appeared, but my instincts knew they would eventually be needed, however the disruption is becoming abysmal... A heavy oppressive feel was in the air.

“Please Jane is there anything you can do about them?” Her eyes wide with fear looked from me into the darkness.

“Yes I can do something”

Gently I move her to one side,

“Wait here”

“No Jane don’t go near them, they told me they are going to kill you”

“Its fine, don’t worry”

The steps I take towards the back of the lounge seem to take forever; I know this isn’t going to be pleasant. I need to eradicate this couple, and destroy their dreadful essence from this vicinity, my characters are suffering, and that’s not going to continue. I turn back briefly to see the new young girl biting her hands; her pleading look causes my heart to beat a little faster than normal, I smile reassuringly as I turn back to the task in hand.

I was just on the perimeter of the place where I knew the odd couple were sitting; hesitantly I step into their space.

In their darkness is bright light, and they are in reclined positions, drinking steaming coffee.

Both of them grin pleased to see me, there is a feeble offer of coffee.

“NO ... I am here on official business, you have to leave with immediate effect, and I am here to escort you off the property”

There is a lot of bumbling, blundering about why and what have we done...

“There will be no explanation, do not disrespect me with your insane, pretence of innocence, I will take you forthwith, and I want you to know, this is not the end, I wish for you to return, but only when the time is right... There will be an opening, but the time is all wrong.

Two dark, demonic grins reach out in an attempt to allure me; their hands stretch out to shake mine...

“Do not bother with your futile charade; I know you are here to hurt, to destroy, to cause mayhem, but not yet you don’t, not yet... Stay behind me, and I will escort you to a place where you can stay until such time as I need to use your skills, your talents”

As they move up behind me I smell the stench of disgust, I walk slowly through the lounge knowing we’re in the light of my current characters. It is then I observe shadows move out from the darkness, the shadows have bodies, faces and no longer look frightened, because right in front of them is the newest little character, she stands strong, and smiling...

The odd couple smirk with a knowing, and as I take them quickly through the double doors, they raise their fists in defiance to the characters they were leaving behind.

Come I demand almost shrieking, Come...  

~Jane Ewen~

No. 4.
The Loft is quiet...

Being of a curious nature I slip onto the staircase, and stealthily I creep up towards the silver and gold double doors which lead into the lounge, in the loft of my mind.

The peace today has been heaven. Leaning up against the doors I gently breathe a sigh of relief for the silence from within... How could the odd couple have caused so much mayhem? The newbie however is showing promise; she's a good all-rounder... In the blink of an eye the door opens and stupidly, I fall in...

"Jane sorry... oh my god, are you ok?"

"Yes" I laugh, picking myself up off the floor.

"What are you doing here?” she asks as she nervously looks around.

"Don't worry its fine, I'm just making sure all is well"

"The truth is Jane; we've had the best day in a long time. Guests are talking, activity level has been high, a couple of characters still lurk in the shadows, but there have been no malevolent, spiteful acts that might jeopardise the whole house"

I look into her eyes... I'm a good judge of character; this one definitely sends flashing, alarm bells to the centre of my brain. Without blinking an eyelash, I move away...

"That's good news. Thank you for the update"

Walking towards the terracotta staircase, I half turn back, just in time to catch a glimpse of the newest character, and her shifty demeanour... My trusty instinct screams, all is not as it seems, but that's ok, because I have plans for this young lady.

The plots, and storylines I create will hopefully make you, my reader, beg for more...

So my beautiful newcomer with your long Black hair which lies softly against small, pale shoulders, sleep tight as you gather strength, because believe me, you're going to need it, not just for yourself, but for others as well. They however, don't know what you're capable of as you live effortlessly as a chameleon... HA, you will be just as I designed you to be. Good or bad though my little one, you will have your story to tell... Good job the odd couple will be in the back ground to lend a hand, as you express the journey you must take.

Ahh In bed at last, eyes tight shut; I hum the tune to a favourite lullaby... I know she's listening, stay alert little lady.  Be prepared...

~ Jane Ewen ~

No 5.
The loft has settled down...
characters are happier. However, do not be misled, the double doors were knocked tonight, and I have it on good authority that a rather special character has been admitted.

Ooh my good Lord, what the hell have I done?


~ Jane Ewen will be back ~


 

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Visitant - Scottish Book Trust




Image taken by Jane Ewen April 2014

 
My world is full of many things, and the absolute importance
placed on words, feelings and thoughts, cannot be emphasised enough... Happy
reading!
Any comments will be answered.
Jane Ewen.
 
 

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

My Dear Little Janie-kins...

Beautiful Image used with the permission of Clare Colette Smith.

Imagine if we were pre-programmed and able to write a letter to our much younger self... Mine would go something like this...  Please bear in mind the way I’ve written it, is given that I already know so much about what’s played out in this life... However I would want to direct most of my wisdom, sensitivity and love to the small, defenceless, lovable child...

Dearest darling Jane ...
you are such a wonderful little girl. It’s terribly important you recognise that in life some of the adults around you are unfortunately damaged... Sadly my darling girl, they don’t know how to treat a beautiful soul and they definitely don’t have any people skills... It's such a crying shame, that at the beginning of your life you're going to be surrounded by individuals who struggle to interact and neither do they know how to communicate. It will be because of them that you and your siblings will unfortunately suffer... Now I know all of that must sound a little scary, but I more than anyone  appreciate that you knowing all this extra information, will help you to be less anxious when all the bad things happen. You need to understand it’s NOT your fault and remember that these unfortunate individuals, sadly lack in even the basic principles of parenting. They don't know how to be child friendly and most of the time they will be totally inappropriate... exposing you to so much stuff, things that no child should see... But take note Janie, its imperative you read every single word, understand every sentence and share it with your siblings. I write in the hope that it spares all of you the incredible hurt and loneliness that will isolate you, causing untold distress. The suffering that you’ll feel when you’re finally abandoned will not last. I want you to close your eyes tight and remember, in the end they will have done you a great big favour. When it does happen, it will be the making of you. You my darling will blossom and flourish beyond your wildest dreams.  
I hope you’ll be able to use this message, and develop a beautiful, shiny shell that will completely protect you when the going gets tough... Keep remembering how wonderful, caring, loving and extraordinary you are. Hold all of that very close and when you’re being beaten and abused, remember my lovely, close those beautiful eyes, go to your special place and know that the person responsible is sick. It’s not your fault...  The good thing is you’ll come through it all and vecause of who you are, you'll will be alright.

One day gorgeous girl the world will be brighter and you will be the princess that no one told you about. You'll live in a nice home, own clean clothes and take a bubble bath. But my darling, your unfortunate early life will always be led by ‘strangers’ however some of those strangers will be rather special and from each one of them, you will get an essence of the beauty in their characters... now listen Jane, that doesn’t happen for everyone. No, when you're a big girl, the special bits you’ll get, will help make you who you are and the big thing here darling, is the bits you do get, are very special because you get to choose. Keep in mind though Janie, even nasty people have an element of niceness hiding within their character... You don’t know it yet but sweetheart, you’re going to be so lucky because you’ll get to choose all of those best bits for yourself. 
I’m going to leave you with my love and the one thing I’d like to do more than anything my lovely little munchkin, is gather you up, look deep into your eyes, connect and then hug you like you’ve never been hugged before... just to show you there is a world full of love waiting and one day you will hold it all... now don’t forget... you’re a beautiful girl and wonderful things are going to happen! One more thing, I will always be close and even when you don’t see me, you will super sense me and you'll never feel alone.  
I love you little lady.
Especially yours,
Jane xxxx
 

Saturday, 15 March 2014

An Affinity...

Image from Free Pics on Google.
 
 

A small collection of words to highlight my thoughts today:
 
All my life I’ve possessed an amazing affinity with the human-race... no matter what’s been thrown my way, I’ve never lost my love for humanity. Yes I know there are bad-apples, but hell, we can’t paint everyone with the same drippy brush... Remember; just as there are bad-apples, there are many more good ones... I'll always challenge wrong doing, or stick up for the under-dog, and if you’re my friend then rest assured that I’ll be loyal till the end.. Unless of course you decide to end it yourself, and then I may, or may not understand, but I would always respect your decision... although I’d question it!  For as long as I can recall I’ve always had an insatiable need to understand, but unfortunately I’ve met a few people who have not been able to shine light on their inconsistent thoughts and actions... I feel sorry for these individuals, because to be unable to discuss feelings, thoughts, and ideas, must be a real lonely deal. 

Those of you who know me, understand I like to share how I feel, how I see things and right now I’m feeling this... I’ve recently had a civilised rant on facebook, and then discussed findings with some lovely peeps... I feel truly blessed to have many gorgeous people in my life, and I will never get tired of telling them... We’re lucky to have each other, and although sad things can often happen, it doesn’t mean we cannot get up and move forward. I think the only time I’ll stop, is when I’ve moved on to my beautiful island in paradise, and even then I’ll continue to strive towards keeping others in mind... It's simple, we just have to take care of each other. I know  to some that might seem crazy, but to me it makes the best sense in the whole wide world. 
Thoughts are where it starts; actions are what make it happen, so if you look to another who is without a smile, then give them one of yours, it’s a great start...   

 
~Jane Ewen~ 

Sunday, 9 March 2014

FREE to good home...

Image from Facebook
 

When you read this article Please #Share in as many places as you can... We have no choice; we simply have to Raise Awareness for these poor defenceless animals...  

I write this with a heavy heart and a deep, penetrating sadness which hits me every time I hear about another dog being taken, or another little dog that goes missing, because part of me questions, is that little one now being used as a ‘BAIT DOG’ or is he genuinely lost and if he’s lost, how long before he is picked up by a disgusting excuse for a human being... I have quickly written this article to Highlight and hopefully make as many people as I can aware of this despicable pass-time. This is not just a problem that affects dog-owners... this issue belongs to all of us, and we have to consciously protect animals always.
And if you believe this and don’t question it then please after reading this restructure your way of thinking, because unfortunately there are many things happening in this world, and all I can say is my heart breaks on this particular issue... BAIT DOG:  A Dog Baiter is a despicable individual who gets FREE dogs (anyway they can) and uses them for either his own animal to rip up for fun, or to be used as BAIT in dog fighting.  

In this day and age we have to be especially mindful, and although OUR intention might be good in trying to locate a warm and loving home for pets, the word ‘FREE’ is one of the most dangerous words to use in view of what’s happening out there...
Please be careful when giving your pet away for FREE, because there are many more alternatives where you can be assured your pet will be safe. Do all you possibly can to assure that your pet is going to a good and loving home.  Also if you know anything and you’re in a position to alert the police, then do so in a safe way... do not challenge these disgusting individuals, keep yourself protected and remember, it cost nothing to make a phone call and you just never know the impact your call may bring about. A little dog like the one at the top of this page could very well be taken out of his world of living-hell...  

Together all of us can help look after, and protect other living-beings more vulnerable...
Many thanks for reading. 

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Ageless Souls...

Image used with the kind permission of it's owners.
 
 
A Taster from a piece written for another project:  Ageless Souls...
 
(A long delicate forefinger, firmly presses against soft lips)
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”...  She breathes ....

Her eyes flicker, the deepest, darkest blue...
When I touch you softly you’ll feel my beating heart and those strong, drift-like sensations I always sense... will as if by magic, make you feel as if you’re standing high up on a wild, tangled moor, being whipped by swirling mist, and as it penetrates the core of your ageless soul, then my darling man, your soul will recognise truth, your heart will open just wide enough to accept timeless love, including some long ago forgotten message. Your divine lesson will be that you’ll understand beautifully, the whole truth of who you are, who I am, and where you know you want to be...
Gazing upwards, he smells the scent of her perfume as it fills his nostrils; he wants her... he is dazzled and sees this truth she speaks, he knows she is someone he will never meet again, so he needs to be honest, open and show her his true heart.  Watching intently, she withdraws her forefinger from full delicious lips, this is a woman that history will never repeat in his lifetime...  He senses strongly a Déjà vu moment... he knows her, and as he looks deeper into her pools of darkness, he knows he is well and truly captured when those beautiful, long fingers reach out and touch his skin...


©2014 Jane Ewen

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Eden Raven 1849...

Image 'Charles W Morgan 'ship from Wikipedia
A Taster...  

His thoughts dream and drift towards many possibilities. His love for her has no end, but he knows beyond the stars and back, she is many things with many faces... Right now this beautiful woman has produced a tangled labyrinth in his tortured mind. The plot thickens as he senses trouble lurking closer. Now more than ever he knows it's time he steps toward encouraging her to see that his warm heart is genuine and real... Why is this so complicated, why do things have to turn? His observations prove this woman holds her secrets close, inexplicably he knows he's the one to help, the one to be there, hold her close when it all becomes clear... He also knows in this life what you see isn’t always what you get...

There is just one pressing problem, they have yet to meet!


Dense fog swirls dream-like around the largest ship, which lies securely docked against the towns harbour wall.  Frost sparkles from every visible flat surface, and in the slowest of motion, tiny waves hit the ship, making rhythmic thumping sounds from small pieces of ice which bang alongside its beautiful, dark aged wood. This magnificent ship has managed for the longest time, to keep all who have sailed in her, safe. 

Leaning against cold metal of the lamp-post, Drake smiles, he lights yet another cigarette and then puffs acrid grey smoke upwards, towards the bright light of the moon.  He recalls how his mother had time and time again told him the story of his name; she’d wanted to call him ‘Drake’ after Francis Drake, who had sailed around the world in the 1500s. Oh how he smiled when he thought of how her face would crinkle with happiness, at the very thought of her own boy sailing away on his own adventures, taking in the sights and sounds of the world and then bringing them back to share. His mother wanted treasures and stories from the most interesting people, but most of all she wanted to hear about the warmest places.

In his faraway state he jerks as he hears the clip-clop of a maiden’s foot-fall.  
Darting towards the darkness of a nearby door-way, he huddles within. 

Drake’s heart beats faster than a trapped moth whose wings bang savagely against glass in its effort to escape.   

Why is she here again he thought?

The silhouette of a woman glides effortlessly past, stopping briefly she glances round, and then she gently stretches out pale slender fingers, which tightly grip the ships thick rope, she is relieved that there’s no one there. Breathing out, she gingerly embarks upon the ships rickety platform. The bustle her silk dress irritates her, and as she stops again to ensure that she has definitely not been followed, she quietly moves on.   
Drake emerges from the darkness, still cautious just in case she looks back.

Stealthily he creeps along the side of the ship, knowing he just has to follow; he wants to find out what is going on. Nearing the top of the ships platform, he hears voices.
Pressing himself against the creaking wood he holds on to his breath...

“How much?” she cries
“I’ve told you time and time again” he growls.

“Dear sir I cannot afford such an extortionate price; she whimpers, I need you to take me before it’s too late”.
“Get off of my ship this instant and do not come back”

“Please sir I beg of you, I need to go as soon as possible... you are my one and only hope”

“I want 20 pounds and if you can’t afford that, then you need to leave” he smirks.

The young women fights back tears; she would not let this cruel man see her cry.
“I am at your mercy sir... please”

“Get OUT” he screeches... roughly pushing past her he rips open the cabin door and points a bony finger into the darkness.
Back on the platform she hears the cabin door slam shut. Her heart broken, what will she do? The captain is leaving in a few days, and she just didn’t have that kind of money, she was more than willing to pay her fare, she was even prepared to work on board, but dear lord he was not agreeable for that to happen.

Leaning against dark, damp wood, she wipes her eyes; she would figure something out... he was not leaving this harbour without her; she would make sure of that. Holding on to the rope, she makes her way down the platform. Already she has a plan formulating, but it would take some thought... she needed more time.
Once again he moves out from inside the shadows, Drake watches as she disembarks and without looking back she hurries along damp cobbles towards her reluctant destination.  Shaking his head, he makes his way home, but not before following Eden, he must make sure she gets home safely. 

(©) Jane Ewen  2014