Saturday, 6 February 2010

Relationships hugged tightly with Respect..........

The world I was born into was missing many qualities but there was one vital quality that was desperately needed to positively encourage the rest of life’s ingredients to follow, without it the chances of life getting any better was nil.... That vital magic was ‘RESPECT’.... Yes my friend respect, neither my parents had it nor the people we came into contact with.

My early life was sadly based on... ” you will do what I want or else”..... I grew up and experienced different levels of care as well as lots of other people’s values and morals etc... I was able to search seeking out my own answers to life including understanding family and friends etc... It’s well documented for me, I eventually grew up knowing and learning, important skills on how to survive. Part of that survival package was quickly discovering how to make friends because all of my young life that's what I'd always wanted.... In living that life I also quite quickly realised what I expected from people and relationships... but let me tell you this, it still didn’t stop me from making a rather silly mistake which later in life cost me dearly... I forgot all about me... I did everything everyone else wanted or expected of me... Initially I enjoyed being there for everyone and doing what was needed because I was making people happy, but then I scarily realised I was disappearing. Thankfully, the quote ‘better late than never ‘springs to my mind especially when I think of how I eventually got there in the end. I confidently feel, I‘m able to share my experiences so hopefully it will help someone else... I hope you enjoy my article!

Remember nothing is easy... most things take work.....

I’ve read somewhere the average couple spend only 10 minutes a day talking to each other, if that’s correct then it’s a scary thought.... If you make a few small changes then it’s possible to have a healthier, happier relationship. In putting this together, I thought using steps would be a good idea.... when you link all or either step it makes sense and is workable.

1. Communication.... For many of us lack of communication or actually ceasing to talk is one of the first signs there’s a problem... the problem is it can escalate... before we know where we are 6months have passed and we end up losing something really important.

Being able to carve out 15-20 minutes every day to chat to one another other can and does make a huge difference. Maybe you could start off by finding out how your partner is feeling, what relationships are like with family, friends, even colleagues. Check how they're feeling in general, be observant, are they under the weather..... If you’ve found yourself getting into a rut then it’s a good idea to think of doing something different. For instance go to bed a little earlier, put a DVD on, cuddle & chat or you could get up earlier, have breakfast/coffee together if that’s something you don’t normally do then it’s a way you could both bring back the communication into those particular times when you probably wouldn’t normally do this. Before long you might even bring back those warm, loving feelings you both felt in the beginning.

Something else I discovered both personally and from friends... try sending a cheeky text or a better still a romantic one. Your partner just knowing your thinking of them, will feel good especially if you send one out of the blue, this can build on those bridges...

2. Trust... To have trust in your relationship means you have a foundation and foundations can be built on making relationships solid. To be able to trust and be trusted we must be true to ourselves as well as others. This is the only way we can prove to anyone especially our partners that we are truly trustworthy giving them a wonderful warm sense of security that we all need so much. When you have security your relationship will withstand almost anything.

3. Be your true self... This should be right from the very start. It’s amazing but I hear so many tales of people pretending to be something they’re not; when the facade stops the disappointment felt, can be enough to send the other person running in the wrong direction... Be true, honest, open and genuine... these are the qualities that matter when building a lasting relationship.

4. Appreciation... What can I say, just remember how you personally feel when someone says ‘thank you’ or ‘you look great’ or ‘you’re beautiful’ and always be aware of other people’s needs, do things without being prompted. I promise you it will make your partner, friend, family never want to be without you... Appreciation is a wonderful tool to have in your relationships, whether you’ve been together 1day or 40 years.

5. Always say you’re sorry... Disagreements in a relationship are normal and healthy. After a disagreement I’ve found it actually strengthened relationships... It’s important to recognise each other’s feelings, especially after a fall out. Never go to bed on a row and if you do in the morning make it up... Never sulk for days on end it’s a complete waste of time and energy and only continues to make you both feel bad... Communicate, sort out differences. Nothing and no one is perfect but making up is a good way to discuss further any problems either one of you might be feeling. There may be a time when you can’t agree, take it from me in this instance it’s always best to agree to disagree and move on.

6. Never stop dating... I know it’s hard but not as hard as you may think... I’m almost 4 years up the road and we still set time aside to date and I love it... keeps feelings, thoughts and plans fresh...

7. Surprise each other occasionally... Most people like treats, surprises especially if they’re lovingly done... so keep the unexpected up and be unpredictable in the nicest possible sense of course.

8. Maintain your relationship... We all know relationships can take a little work. We also know it’s important to maintain relationships just like we keep our cars in working order it’s also very important to keep your relationship in tip top condition, so check it out and take care of everything.

9. A sense of humour.... We all know it’s great to laugh with all those feel good chemicals coursing through both your bodies... makes you feel great to laugh doesn’t it? It also makes you feel good if you’re responsible for your partner’s happiness so never stop making them laugh because laughing also bonds you together and makes your relationship stronger.

10. Summary... To sum up thoughts and ideas discussed within I feel it important to summarise the article to hopefully encapsulate the wonder of it all. It’s important to Communicate without that we’re lost... Commitment is wonderful if it’s what you both want. Trust is a must... Respect is something we deserve and need so make sure it’s in your life. Support one another to the best of your ability; we all need to know we can depend on each other when the chips are down... Differences are expected and worked on. All of life’s experiences are enhanced when shared together these ties will strengthen our bonds with loved ones making our relationships now and in the future incredibly wonderful...

My thoughts are with you as I stretch my wings... Till next time my friend :) xxx

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