Saturday, 21 January 2012
Tears of an Angel...
Tears of an Angel... My most favourite song in the whole world... The haunting melody and words do something to my very soul.
I know I’m capable of imagining good things, I can also imagine the very worst... but, the one thing I know for sure is that this beautiful song, reminds me so much of my siblings, my life including our irretrievable, sad loss of time, space and people.
The beginning of the song ‘Cover my eyes, cover my ears, tell me these words are a lie’... Reminds me of all the times I did exactly that! I would cover my face with little hands then pretend I couldn’t be seen... I was safe; difficulties in life would melt away as I would imagine a better, more different life... I know now it’s that what saved me, and made it possible for a little girl to fantasise about things, events, people, places, and a possible, shiny, bright future... I magically made myself believe the unbelievable. Today I’d imagine, professionals would label a child like this ‘resilient’ back then I didn’t realise I was doing this, until of course I got older and started having flashbacks... My heart would break for the little girl who always felt she was never allowed to be the person she wanted to be.
Today as I listen to the song, I realise, if I’d been born into a better life... meaning, if I’d had both parents and a loving home, the chances are I would have ended up like the ‘Little Princess’ losing it all, and going on to live a life that I would always feel... was not mine... I also know beyond any shadow of doubt, In this life I was meant to struggle, this was my lot...
Looking at the bigger picture and understanding more as I got older, my experiences were needed, so that I would have the deepest possible empathy with all living beings... the good thing in all of this and yes there are good things... is that despite much hardship, and a few knocks here and there... I always managed to recall, there seemed to be a beautiful thread of magic, shimmering here and there in the background, and even when the going got tough, I would usually sense a flicker of thought, that no matter what, all would be well.
The good thing about sad childhood memories is that small people get bigger, it’s then we fully realise that at some point we’ll be in charge, we’ll make choices.
Regardless of the fact that I always longed to be a Princess, I see myself now as the fortunate one, because I'm blessed to have two very beautiful, loving princesses who are in my world every single day.
Right now all I ask is that you please accept my blessings with good wishes and stay close...