Do You Believe?

I wrote this piece on the 17^th June 2009. It was amongst one of the first articles I shared after I experienced one of my light bulb moments within a crisis.

 

I was asked many moons ago... "Do you believe?"

"Yesssss" I said.

 

Asked again "But do you really, really, reeeeally believe” thinking hard... frustrated by my own shameful reluctance... Her persistent question echoed in my head.

 

"Come on, do you believe in Angels"

Silently, I encompass my own reflective pause.

 

"Yesssss... I believe" I volunteered gently “especially in Angels made from gold"... "Angels of gold?" she says surprised.

 

Smiling an ever knowing smile I hold on to my breath.

 

Angels do exist. I know because I hear them every day. I watch them work. I see them play. Normally, they have endless lists of things to do which include places to go... people to see. Their aim on the planet is quite obvious, helping friends in deed and strangers in need. Spreading the message and supporting the outcome...

 

The first time I saw my Angel, I believe I was 7 yrs old. I lay perfectly still in bed, crying freely. My body rigid. I was too frightened to move. It was dark but the room was amazingly well lit from the sheer brightness of the moon. I was poorly, feeling quite distressed...

 

In my new oblong shaped bedroom I saw three single beds... in-between each little bed there sat a small locker, to put personal belongings in. Well... that’s what they told me.

 

Didn't they know, where I came from there was no chance of belonging or even having belongings ... So I continued to lie on my back staring up at the ceiling, crying. I’d been asleep, something had woken me. Anxiously I looked around; I’d always been really scared of the dark... I sense things; I didn’t want them to get me. I’d told them... you know, the new people... but, there was no reassuring light on for me. Petrified of getting out of bed because I thought someone would grab me from under the bed ... I didn't know where I was or who they were... Why oh why, had they not listened?

 

I cried even harder.

 

It didn’t take long for me to realise the room was becoming brighter, looking up towards the light bulb, I felt convinced someone had switched it on... No light... the room began to pulsate spreading a warm golden glow...

 

At first she just stood there, I didn't know what to do... I recall feeling how sad I felt at my plight, but the light in the new bedroom made me feel better. I even dared to sit up. I looked at her, she was so beautiful.

 

Looking up into her face, I saw her eyes were closed.

 

I stopped crying. Sitting in the now golden glow, I wondered what to do. Suddenly, my Angel opened her eyes. Looking at me, she spoke... Her voice sounded like tinkling glass, you know the way beautiful crystal sounds when you strike it with a spoon.

 

I wanted to hear it again. This time she spoke higher...

 

You’re going to be alright, things have been difficult for you, your feeling very sad but this will pass.

 

My Angel moved herself slightly to turn more towards me.... her silky white robe moved in shivery shimmers as she continued in clear crystal tones... Your life will turn around; you will see and feel what it’s like to be happy... You’re a good little girl and soon you will see that everything’s going to turn out well for you...

 

My Angels ice blue eyes held on tight to bulbous tears. As they cascaded through her small dark shiny lashes, she spoke slowly but reassuringly about life and what had gone before. I asked her if she was going to be my new mummy, her tears flowed quicker, she replied reassuringly explaining she could not be my mummy, but she promised she would be something better...

 

"Better then a mummy?" I gently protested, knowing deep down just how badly I wanted a mum...

 

"Yes Jane, better because I want you to know I will always, always be with you even when you can't see me, you will forever feel me, knowing I am only a whisper away.

 

Thinking about my Angel being only a whisper away had made me feel safe, warm and secure... I sat mesmerised, rhythmically nodding. I realised Angel and I were not alone. My concentration broken, I looked around the bedroom only to discover a further two Angels smiling down on me. Their warmth and sincerity gave me a feeling of complete serenity; I recall feeling totally overwhelmed. It was an amazing moment that I still feel to this very day.

 

Sleepily I lay my head on the pillow. Magically reading blurry thoughts, my Angel softly whispered 

 

“never forget little one... you are not alone. I will always take care of you”... Feeling a gentle touch like cotton wool mixed with the sweet smell of perfume, I drifted off...

 

The next morning I jump out of bed, look around the now cool bedroom, feeling tremendous inner happiness. I notice someone had been in and left some really nice clothes... Wow a dress, underwear and socks... They smell good... What’s this? Oh yes I forgot a toothbrush! This is fantastic.

 

Dressed in minutes, I run down steps through fire escape doors, on towards the biggest dining room in the whole wide world. I smell food, toast... I see milk... I run to enormous windows that completely surround the room. It feels like I’m outside and I can touch the big blue sky. I see trees... grass... flowers... Wow this is so good. I hear a voice behind me, another child... "Who are you"? Swirling in my beautiful pink dress which I hold out wide with two small hands... I observe twinkling brown eyes and a crazy mop of black hair "I am a princess" I say regally "and where do you live princess"? She giggles. Raising my small blonde head, with wonder I look around my brand new forever, home...

 

"Why, I live here with you in my castle “flopping backwards I fall onto an overstuffed sofa, excitedly throw my feet up high into the air whilst I further examine beautiful white socks, I smile wide... just in time to see my hero walk through the door,

 

"Ahh there you are Jane" Mr Webb cried ... "we were just looking for you" :)

 

So you see friend anything is possible, and sometimes even if you desperately want to refuse or even acknowledge what you know... I’ve clearly came to realise just when you thought you could take no more, and your strength is fading, something or somebody appears in your life they/it holds you close allowing you the complete luxury of possible doubt, which then helps you move forward with a different frame of mind, because someone, somewhere has blessed you with a seed, a seed that either grows or die’s depending on an individual’s own life experiences.

 

For me, it grew; it blossomed even when I was laughed at or when I witnessed confused.com smiles on people’s faces. I still held on to that early experience because I just knew it was the start of my rise... I am gratified and so thankful that I’ve been able to share my experience from my life. I realise also, that realistically it might be hard for you to believe, not just in the above story but, that to me it makes no difference, that I do not know you, for some mad, wonderful indescribable reason, way beyond my understanding... I share because I care what happens to you!

 

I may not be around for a little while so wrap up warm against the awful weather. On my return I’ll have a special, fun journal I'll share with you. Hopefully it will make you smile...

So until then my friend...

 

Namaste