Friday, 16 March 2012

A Kiss from my Rose...

I know I heard this song for the very first time today...... yet, I have known this song and her voice all of my life. Flashbacks grab me as I witness a frightened me, a scared myself and a terrified I.

I’m five years old, standing on the busiest motorway of life... lyrical notes crash to my core like a vehicle smashing into me at a million miles an hour...but, instead of being killed, I sense complete serenity when hit so violently... A hit that's totally mingled with the beauty of her voice, whom I instantly realise is my imaginary mother... and while the real mother looks down at me and scowls disgustedly... my  imaginary mother is always ready to take over, reassuring me that everything's going to be ok, I'm going to be ok... I infinitely know as long as I can hear her voice, feel her music, sense her warm presence, I will never have to be afraid, because the one good thing I'm always very clever at, is closing my eyes... Flashbacks in the present still happen, not as often, but despite never having had this particular one before, I was able to close my eyes and not feel the normal overwhelming, panicky fear... even now, music, scents, experiences bring them all to the fore, sometimes they are pleasant, sometimes they are not... Today’s been heavenly despite the reminder that my real mother had her own problems, and in spite of her having so many children, this unfortunately did not bring her peace or happiness ... I’ve listened to the music several times and memorised its beautiful haunting melody, especially the angelic voice that saved me all those years ago.. It just goes to show, children quite often, are magically resilient, they willingly engulf themselves into a world that others cannot see...  It's a world seldom spoke about, due to the nature or reason the child lives trapped within both spheres... Even to an innocent child, her realistic world is not acceptable, but because it’s the only world she knows, she lives anxiously within, creating a whole new world that for her happens just as realistically as her everyday challenging one....

Today I give thanks and am grateful for my imaginary mother, who came to me in what was at times, my most horrendous hours of need... and for the first time in a long time, I heard her voice, was embraced by her heavenly music and despite all of previous difficulties, I felt a definite warmth from my past.

I believe there is a god, he assists us... he makes things possible and allows things to happen... he is clever, there are lessons within all of this... but it’s not a test, it’s a path... our path, our journey, our joy, our pain... It makes us who we are, and it’s who we are, that has an amazing impact on the world, people, and every single living being...  my real journey started in 2009 and my wish is this... 'long may I walk for I know my lesson is not over'  

I have never been one to want to be on my own, so please, won’t you stay with me!


  1. Both your words and the music and haunting...

  2. Savira ... You don’t know this yet, but today it was you who introduced me to this beautiful music for which I am grateful, The memory and words came so easily and without fear or discomfort... within a few minutes of hearing that tune and her voice I was overwhelmed, and even now I feel exhilarated by the whole experience...

    Thank you so much lovely lady!

  3. Sweet Angel, this music is magical. It made me cry, imagining you as a child, carefully creating your own world...a place of safety and security.

    My childhood had its shadows. Some where bigger than God, or at least they seemed to be in my young mind. I, like you, created a world...and people. They were my tribe. My novel Cosette's Tribe is soon to be released and it is my hope that the story will speak to many hearts. Although it is fiction it's totally based on the footsteps of my childhood. It took me 50 years to get up the courage to write it. I can now say that I love my story, for it is my unique journey, and the lessons I've learned are what make me me.

    Sending love Angel <3

  4. Leah thank you so much for stopping by... I appreciate your thoughts and I’m so grateful for your visit. I’m aware that you feel my heart because you understand the journey. I so look forward to reading all about your journey, and especially in meeting your tribe.

    To you sweet lady, I bow to say Namaste

  5. Breathtakingly touching. The music, your testimony and your writing. The music just grabs ahold of you and seeps into your heart. Your story of the imaginary mother hit deep. I wrote in my book about as a child the imaginary world I would create for myself (what I called my norm)as my home life was certainly not the normal of so many many safe places for others. It appears from reading this about our resilience...we truly are not alone. Thanks Jane. = )


    1. Hey Irish so glad you like it.
      I'm especially grateful for how beautifully you describe the whole post... I love it when it hits home, and I connect with yet another lovely being that identifies with my writing and experiences... It’s confirmed for me yet again, I’m not alone!

      I really must take a peek at your book... Big hug to you my darling and once again, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by, as you know, it’s always appreciated :)

  6. Angeljane, I think you are amazing, you give a lot of hope to people who are troubled. You take care of you n your beautiful family. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  7. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave this wonderful message. I deeply appreciate your comment, and I'm really happy I have touched your heart.

    I have to be honest, I lost hope for a little while but honestly its right back where it belongs.

    Kind regards <3