Peace...

Image used from Pinterest quoting Jimi Hendrix.

I read this on my travels today...

One finds peace in their life when they first find peace in their heart.
~ Sue Krebs~
From Soul-Speaking
https://www.facebook.com/Jane.Ewen?ref=hl#!/SoulSpeaking?fref=ts 

Peace has always meant a great deal to me, and given I have walked a journey where at intervals I have known such unpredictable disturbances, and lived through catastrophic changes; it is not surprising I understand the importance of such a beautiful gift. Seeing the above quote caused a whole array of thoughts, and feelings to spill...

There is something in understanding that when you feel no peace there is always, sadly, a catastrophic reason... I don’t mind sharing I was once in a place where I felt no peace at-all. Its one thing to be restless and wonder what the hell’s it all about, but for it to be taken, broken, and thrown to the four winds, making you question everything you thought you knew, now there’s something that could and virtually can destroy you. Occasionally it’s realistic to be acquainted with the perplexing knowledge, that maybe one or two things might knock you off guard, but when the big one comes, and literally floors you... you know without doubt, you’re in trouble.

I don’t mean to ramble, because my intention here is to bring a specific point in a concise piece, you may be on your knees, and the problem might still be in your life, but surprisingly it’s possible to come to terms with its devastation, because the strange thing about life is that mostly it has an out of the ordinary way of turning around, and unexpectedly, it can present you with questions, and answers that actually you hadn’t thought of.

I can only report I am victim, and a witness to this testimony, that no matter how dreadful it gets there is usually a way forward, and I suppose that depends on you, your strength, your support, the resolve, and commitment to stay upright and focused on those around you, including yourself... Give yourself time; make a plan, and never mind taking one day at a time, sometimes it has to be an hour, a moment or even a minute. It can be done, but take the pressure of yourself and those around you by keeping your expectation to a minimum. Remember stuff happens but life goes on.

Good Luck my friend.

 If one breathes in hope, and then breathes out peace, a ripple will crisscross the world.

~JaneEwen~

The Visitant...

Image used from www.gofundme.com

 



I am a real being brought into this world by mistake. Along the way I managed to acquire a deep understanding of what a home truly means. I guess it might have helped if there’d been ‘A once upon a time fairytale’ when in reality, I didn’t have a home. The truth, there was no belonging, not anywhere... I repeat with great sadness that we had no place to go. So if you can... come close, let me share a few dark secrets of a journey which once smouldered within a framework of tortured thoughts.

In their terrible dilemma the young couple didn’t know what to do, beat by life, and unrelenting poverty their all consuming thoughts of seeking refuge might be a good idea... In a moment of madness they use the last of their money to buy tickets so that they can return to his beloved Emerald Isle. There was a real need to seek much needed solace.

Hidden from sight, their tiny bundle is screwed up in a dirty blanket, semi-protected from icy cold wind, and freezing spray from the raging Irish Sea. The threesome, make their way on an uncertain journey towards his goal. Smoke billows above the young couple as they share one cigarette after another, and when they share alcohol too, their already confused minds decide this is the perfect thing, the only thing they can do. The new father stuffs his newborn infant further into his oversized, waterproof coat; he doesn’t want to lose this cargo, not when he’s made the right decision to protect his family. With a faraway look on his drunken face, mystically he hears panpipes of Celtic music, and remembers home... Home is where they should be. His mother was a hard soul but she would accept them, she had to.

Though the journey is long and arduous, it is nothing compared to the hysterical screams of abuse which follow as he, his new wife, and tiny baby are chased from his childhood home.

Wind and rain thrash madly about them, but equally it matches the mood of his mother.

Breathing heavy, holding her hip she chases them.

 

“You are not welcome; things are hard enough without another three mouths to feed” She screams.

 

If in that heart-stopping moment you’d held on to your breath, and listened hard enough, you would have heard the distinct sound of fractured fear in her voice.

Tears mix with rain that day, exhausted and defeated, they walk wearily back to the harbour. By the time they arrive back in England, the impact of the whole horrendous journey on their newborn baby had taken its toll, and in a flash of inspiration, the father takes his sick infant to a convent. The nuns waste no time at all; the sick child is whisked away, and admitted to the children’s hospital. Unfortunately she’s diagnosed with a list of difficulties, the most apparent one being the fact she is struggling to breathe... It takes eight months for the child to recover, and in-between that time the couple still fail to find a home; they decide on another move... But first they have to wait for the baby to be released from her magic bubble, the only home she’s ever known. Shaking his box of matches through the glass in her bubble is the only way the young father gets his little girl to smile.

The second home is a single room in a run-down Victorian house. Invasive damp, black mould, peeling wall-paper, cold, fighting, unsavoury individuals, and their ever increasing alcohol fuelled violence. Then her brother is born, which put’s further stress on the young couple. Minutes turn into hours, and hours turn into days, all of which see a definite longing in the little girl to return to her magic bubble, it had been safe, quiet, and warm with smiley faces. Her heart feels forever sad...

The couple unhappy; they struggle, and always find something insignificant to fight about. Another baby sister is born and dies. The damp, cold, smelly room is depressing and sad.

The mother cries, and the dad is always missing.

 

This is their life, her life... so why didn’t they see that all she wants is a warm, safe place, with a soft clean bed, and parents who understand the basic requirements of how to love, provide, and protect.  

The story doesn’t finish there... because despite her young years she is often found sitting in the soulless Victorian room, which inevitably becomes someone else’s version of home. She knows, as if from a magical sense of a long-held memory, that this isn’t so. And then, god help them, another beautiful baby sister is born and dies.

By the time she is seven years old, and the powers that be take a keen interest in her family’s life, there is a change, a big shift, and along with four brothers and one sister, at long last she is gratefully removed. Her placement is dreamlike, a wonderful experience. The magic bubble she’d left all those years ago, was about to reappear, and this brought the most amazing sense of belonging. She arrived; she was home, with real people who knew how to take care of children, they knew what was important in the life of a child.

So dear reader, the outcome for this little girl was the overwhelming importance in finally arriving home, and once she was there, she found love, enveloped in warmth, and a true sense of belonging, as well as having peace, and joy in feeling safe, and secure knowing it would all be there every single day... 

Home is many things to many people, but when a being is brought into the world, and has no home, the importance of getting one is paramount; even if that means having to leave your own family to acquire that very basic, fundamental need, which is normally granted to most... then, it simply has to be.

~Jane Ewen~

 

I Believed...

(A Thousand Years - Christina Perri Lyrics)

 I Believed... By Jane Ewen.

I always believed you would find me... It was written in
ancient, timeless scriptures which foretold that I would love you.

 

Instinctively I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this treasure, this dream, if I didn’t believe.
I understood a deep, knowing... that I'd unconditionally give you all that I am, and the best thing was I saw as clear as any day, that I would be everything to you. That never-ending
invisible list which was built from years of being with beautiful people who
despite their best intentions were not YOU... I wondered aimlessly through life,
and l lived countless experiences, all of which would miraculously bring me to
a moment in time, a moment that would last forever... I wanted you; I implored the
universe for you to catch me, because I knew you’d be the one who would safely
hold my heart. I knew with inexplicably certainty, that you’d be the one who
would see through my walls.  

The beat of our music is magnificent.

I use to struggle to find a reason why I should be loved, but
just by being close you answered many questions, you ticked boxes. My
invisible, constrained list magically began to fade. Truth enveloped me, it
spoke to my soul, ice melted as it spelt words, and I cried, buried my face in
the warmth of you as I hugged your spirit. You whispered simple words of beauty, and managed to convey to me, with an honesty I’d only ever dreamed of, that you were here, you were really
here – at long last LOVE had found me. Oh my word, my lord, the absolute acceptance,
the beautiful, overwhelming feeling for the first time of being able to be ME. Someone
loved me, for who I am, no more pretending... This was so healing, and as all of
the hard years melted away, so forgiveness kicked in...   

Throughout my  life which was often hard, there had been a few happenings,
some good, some bad, as well as a few questions, with a few doubts, but in the
end, once I was secure it all managed to show me that if you believed hard
enough, truth will happen, and a special love would be born... This love will
not only touch you, but it will embrace all of those around you.   

For me the only unfortunate, negative to this much beauty, is
sadly not everyone finds this loveliness ... It’s possible though, it’s out
there, but for me, I believe fate has a huge part to play in this
game of life.  I suppose for now all I can
say is I am fortunate, and lucky in that I believed. Along the way I shared my beliefs with a chosen
few, some laughed, and others advised me to be realistic, but I knew in my
heart there was someone, I had seen a faceless version of him in my dreams, and I told myself I would know when I saw him...
and I did!

My darlings you have your own song, you know how you feel, believe...
take it forward, be what you wish to attract. Be honest, don’t hurt anyone, and
show kindness at all times. Just as I knew there was someone special looking
for me, I also know with that same unshakable, conviction, if we as human beings do all of
the above, the world will become a beautiful place, and all kinds of
beings will live a most wonderful life, especially a life without fear... I speak from experience when
I share; there is nothing worse than fear... I cry every time the news shows that
someone has died, someone is killed, murdered, or even lost and hurt. I don’t
know why, but my heart and soul feels indescribable pain, as if that individual
were my mother, my father, my sister, brother, or daughter etc. I know there
are beautiful people out there, beings who struggle with articulating these same
thoughts, and feelings, I know them to be as as loving as anyone else, and yet they find
being demonstrative, or open a huge challenge. If you struggle to feel
such depth in emotion, to the point it holds you back from being who
you truly are, then all I can disclose is that I was where you are now... I dealt
with it by taking time out to study myself, and rediscover who I was. It was a
tough, but beautiful journey; however it was also uplifting, and enlightening.  I’d never really liked who I was, In the end
though, I learned to like me and soon realised that actually, I wasn’t all that bad. With
it came an understanding of others, as well as myself. I started smiling more at people,
because I wanted to, and not because I had to. I came to
understand how precious a smile is, and the amazing impact it can have on
others.

If you’re reading this, and you don’t have any LOVE in your
life, I want you to know it’s not far away. Be positive, be ready to receive kindness,
and be ready to reciprocate that kindness, because that’s how it returns. Life
is wonderful, and that goes even if your life is currently in the toilet... it’s
a moment in time, and there’s always an end to experiences, which is just as
well given some of the moments some people live.

If your still here...

I would like to take this gorgeous opportunity
to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to visit my blog,
and read this post. Please come again and know: you will always get a response if you engage.  

I will be back soon.
Meanwhile alllow me to send amazing love,
and peace....  

The Loft...

I recently read a quote by C.S Lewis:

 “I never exactly made a book. It’s rather like taking diction. I was given things to say.”

 I identify with his words, so much so, I have a space in my own land of make-believe!  

For quite a long time I’ve been creating characters, it’s got to the point where they talk to me, and dreamlike they make my stories seem real. Once created these characters are as authentic to me as family.  Early on I realised I needed a place to keep my personalities, somewhere they would be safe, and comfortable... so a lounge in the Loft of my mind was formed. My characters appear especially when I’m asleep, and sometimes, they come when I’m not even writing, a figure often appears in my mind’s eye, and it’s as if they were waiting in the shadows prior to stepping forward into the light. Sometimes when I’m driving the most amazing individual will materialise. When I do use those wonderful characters from the loft of my mind, it is they who speak, and like C.S. Lewis quite clearly states, I am also given things to say...

I have a facebook writer’s page: https://www.facebook.com/Jane.Ewen?ref=hl#!/Jane.Ewen which I write in daily, and recently I published a few posts just to give my readers a flavour, and hopefully a comprehensible sense of these delightful, and some not so delightful characters, and their instances... My included posts are tiny snippets of what has recently happened, and how I have dealt with them.

No. 1.

In the gloom they reach out to me...

Snoring gently, it doesn't take long for the characters that live in the loft of my mind to shake me awake. They demand attention... Rolling over I successfully manage to block out their unwelcome noise, and as I drift back to sleep, I very quickly step into dream world. Straining to see through swirling fog I glimpse a strange-looking couple who walk towards me with determination. It’s strange, but I know these two, and I sense they’re going to be important to my future in the writing world. They smile a smile that I would imagine is usually saved for the criminally-insane. Their rhythmic walk is obviously to their own beat. Their attire is from a bygone age. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end giving me a shivering shudder, which clearly tells me, all is not going to be well. Opening my eyes the fog clears, and as my trusty characters stand before me shaking their heads, we all witness the unsavoury couple step inside the double door of our loft... This is not good, and as I look towards my characters for support, they slowly step back into the shadows. I look into the lounge, and see the couple with their insane smiles fall backward onto the lofts leather sofas...

Ooh dear, it really is time to leave...

~ Jane Ewen ~

No. 2.

In the loft of my mind this morning...

The odd couple’s apparently missing; the atmosphere is tense, and a note lies strewn across the coffee table... It says,

'Be prepared'

l look up just in time to see my beloved characters, once again, step back into the gloomy shadows... For a second it all feels unreal, and then I realise the experience is like enjoying each scene as if watching the big screen. There is only one problem... I know the odd couple’s not missing, they are merely hiding!  

~ Jane Ewen ~

No. 3.

So much noise, the loft is banging tonight...

Delirious with exhaustion I gulp deep breaths of cinnamon scented air. With much annoyance, and immense irritation I stand to go and see what the hell is going on.

With bare feet I pound up each terracotta step, I reach double doors to the loft of my mind, and up to now this is where my characters have shared a lounge they call the loft.

I could really do without this... It’s been the longest day. All I want to do is rest, but no, they’re at it again. This is not acceptable, and these interruptions are starting to become customary.

I wonder what their excuse will be this time.

Pushing open the doors which shine silver and gold, I’m greeted by the newest character whose long black hair and tiny shoulders explode right into me; I grab her tiny frame to prevent her from falling over. Looking down I witness the relief in her eyes as she sees me.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Jane oh my god I am so relieved to see you, the odd couple are causing much distress... I thought I’d be able to handle them, but they cause much fear in the rest of the residents”

Pushing her back into the lounge I look around... the shadows are darker than I remember, however I’m able to see the scuffle of my guests as they huddle in the darkness.

“Where are they” I whisper...

“They have moved the sofa into the furthest recess where the light never touches, and they consistently growl at us, which is causing much concern”

I didn’t like this couple when they appeared, but my instincts knew they would eventually be needed, however the disruption is becoming abysmal... A heavy oppressive feel was in the air.

“Please Jane is there anything you can do about them?” Her eyes wide with fear looked from me into the darkness.

“Yes I can do something”

Gently I move her to one side,

“Wait here”

“No Jane don’t go near them, they told me they are going to kill you”

“Its fine, don’t worry”

The steps I take towards the back of the lounge seem to take forever; I know this isn’t going to be pleasant. I need to eradicate this couple, and destroy their dreadful essence from this vicinity, my characters are suffering, and that’s not going to continue. I turn back briefly to see the new young girl biting her hands; her pleading look causes my heart to beat a little faster than normal, I smile reassuringly as I turn back to the task in hand.

I was just on the perimeter of the place where I knew the odd couple were sitting; hesitantly I step into their space.

In their darkness is bright light, and they are in reclined positions, drinking steaming coffee.

Both of them grin pleased to see me, there is a feeble offer of coffee.

“NO ... I am here on official business, you have to leave with immediate effect, and I am here to escort you off the property”

There is a lot of bumbling, blundering about why and what have we done...

“There will be no explanation, do not disrespect me with your insane, pretence of innocence, I will take you forthwith, and I want you to know, this is not the end, I wish for you to return, but only when the time is right... There will be an opening, but the time is all wrong.

Two dark, demonic grins reach out in an attempt to allure me; their hands stretch out to shake mine...

“Do not bother with your futile charade; I know you are here to hurt, to destroy, to cause mayhem, but not yet you don’t, not yet... Stay behind me, and I will escort you to a place where you can stay until such time as I need to use your skills, your talents”

As they move up behind me I smell the stench of disgust, I walk slowly through the lounge knowing we’re in the light of my current characters. It is then I observe shadows move out from the darkness, the shadows have bodies, faces and no longer look frightened, because right in front of them is the newest little character, she stands strong, and smiling...

The odd couple smirk with a knowing, and as I take them quickly through the double doors, they raise their fists in defiance to the characters they were leaving behind.

Come I demand almost shrieking, Come...  

~Jane Ewen~

No. 4.

The Loft is quiet...

Being of a curious nature I slip onto the staircase, and stealthily I creep up towards the silver and gold double doors which lead into the lounge, in the loft of my mind.

The peace today has been heaven. Leaning up against the doors I gently breathe a sigh of relief for the silence from within... How could the odd couple have caused so much mayhem? The newbie however is showing promise; she's a good all-rounder... In the blink of an eye the door opens and stupidly, I fall in...

"Jane sorry... oh my god, are you ok?"

"Yes" I laugh, picking myself up off the floor.

"What are you doing here?” she asks as she nervously looks around.

"Don't worry its fine, I'm just making sure all is well"

"The truth is Jane; we've had the best day in a long time. Guests are talking, activity level has been high, a couple of characters still lurk in the shadows, but there have been no malevolent, spiteful acts that might jeopardise the whole house"

I look into her eyes... I'm a good judge of character; this one definitely sends flashing, alarm bells to the centre of my brain. Without blinking an eyelash, I move away...

"That's good news. Thank you for the update"

Walking towards the terracotta staircase, I half turn back, just in time to catch a glimpse of the newest character, and her shifty demeanour... My trusty instinct screams, all is not as it seems, but that's ok, because I have plans for this young lady.

The plots, and storylines I create will hopefully make you, my reader, beg for more...

So my beautiful newcomer with your long Black hair which lies softly against small, pale shoulders, sleep tight as you gather strength, because believe me, you're going to need it, not just for yourself, but for others as well. They however, don't know what you're capable of as you live effortlessly as a chameleon... HA, you will be just as I designed you to be. Good or bad though my little one, you will have your story to tell... Good job the odd couple will be in the back ground to lend a hand, as you express the journey you must take.

Ahh In bed at last, eyes tight shut; I hum the tune to a favourite lullaby... I know she's listening, stay alert little lady.  Be prepared...

~ Jane Ewen ~

No 5.

The loft has settled down...

characters are happier. However, do not be misled, the double doors were knocked tonight, and I have it on good authority that a rather special character has been admitted.

Ooh my good Lord, what the hell have I done?


~ Jane Ewen will be back ~