Peace...

Image used from Pinterest quoting Jimi Hendrix.

I read this on my travels today...

One finds peace in their life when they first find peace in their heart.
~ Sue Krebs~
From Soul-Speaking
https://www.facebook.com/Jane.Ewen?ref=hl#!/SoulSpeaking?fref=ts 

Peace has always meant a great deal to me, and given I have walked a journey where at intervals I have known such unpredictable disturbances, and lived through catastrophic changes; it is not surprising I understand the importance of such a beautiful gift. Seeing the above quote caused a whole array of thoughts, and feelings to spill...

There is something in understanding that when you feel no peace there is always, sadly, a catastrophic reason... I don’t mind sharing I was once in a place where I felt no peace at-all. Its one thing to be restless and wonder what the hell’s it all about, but for it to be taken, broken, and thrown to the four winds, making you question everything you thought you knew, now there’s something that could and virtually can destroy you. Occasionally it’s realistic to be acquainted with the perplexing knowledge, that maybe one or two things might knock you off guard, but when the big one comes, and literally floors you... you know without doubt, you’re in trouble.

I don’t mean to ramble, because my intention here is to bring a specific point in a concise piece, you may be on your knees, and the problem might still be in your life, but surprisingly it’s possible to come to terms with its devastation, because the strange thing about life is that mostly it has an out of the ordinary way of turning around, and unexpectedly, it can present you with questions, and answers that actually you hadn’t thought of.

I can only report I am victim, and a witness to this testimony, that no matter how dreadful it gets there is usually a way forward, and I suppose that depends on you, your strength, your support, the resolve, and commitment to stay upright and focused on those around you, including yourself... Give yourself time; make a plan, and never mind taking one day at a time, sometimes it has to be an hour, a moment or even a minute. It can be done, but take the pressure of yourself and those around you by keeping your expectation to a minimum. Remember stuff happens but life goes on.

Good Luck my friend.

 If one breathes in hope, and then breathes out peace, a ripple will crisscross the world.

~JaneEwen~

When I was 12years old...

Today is a wonderful day for most because it’s ‘MOTHERS DAY’ and yet how incredibly strange it feels for me... to know that my own biological mother is in a home dying... I came to the conclusion last night, that whatever she inflicted upon us she's suffered tenfold.

So on this wonderful Mothers day I write my post with so much love and haste, so that I can dedicate it to my beautiful girls... I write from my heart and I smile with its beats, because whether I ever make it in the literary world of beautiful, creative arts... I want both my darlings to know my work is for them. It’s filed, password protected for both of you... you will always have me near and within... I don’t plan on going anywhere just yet, but it’s a thought that I’ve never disclosed and so today with everything I know, I feel it’s the right time to share...

When I was 12years old I was what I always refer to as a ‘Child of Salford’... at that time I was happily in the care system. Saturday morning’s would find me in my own dream world, lying on my bed reading, and I always sensed, such captivating magic in-between each and every line or speech bubble... Education wise, I didn’t start school properly until I was 8yrs old, so you will understand catching up to my peers was ultra important to me. I recall excelling at English, however math’s was a complete disaster, and still is but you short change me and you’ll know about it! 

Back then I told myself I would be a writer, but then I lost sight of the dream with the toil of life and just living, getting by each day. I suppose I realised my late start in school and the important issue of missing parents and siblings, really had a devastating effect on life as well as my aspirations.  Instead it issued me with a dreadful sense of my own lack of confidence... I was not articulate and my grammar usually escaped me. Then four years ago when I had a real life-crisis, I suddenly realised writing was something I wanted to do more than ever. Finally I started writing a few pieces, and then I nervously produced my BLOG AngelJanes World... I also recall the elation at having a short story published by the Scottish book trust. To see and feel my very own words in print did something to my heart and soul. I guess you could say it made my spirit squeal in a way I’d never heard before.

My true belief is that although I’m sure I haven’t quite found my voice yet in the literary world, the one thing I am super sure about, is that I have a way of writing which I hope to retain... I want people to sense my passion and feel the genuineness in my voice, I want them to take the words in and know as I speak, I write... In taking original thoughts and ideas out, polishing stuff up and taking the edge off things... isn’t how I want my writing presented... although please don’t misunderstand, I want the work to be presented to you in a way that is intelligible, I just don’t want to lose the original voice or enthusiasm. I love the fact that most times when I read back, I feel like I’m having a conversation with myself... I also imagine certain faces and dreamily wonder what they might think...

On my journey of realisation, I further became conscious and subsequently watched as a whole new healing process beautifully took place, and I recall wanting to shed tears at all the unnecessary time I’d wasted. How much better things would have felt if I’d allowed myself the freedom to write, even if it was just for me....? Layer by layer sadness peeled back, I was able to face things which I’d refused to do previously. I hate conflict, I would run away from challenge and quite often I'd hide my head in the sand to avoid having to feel any more pain...

It’s taken so long to get to this point in time, but I’m deeply happy to be able to report that being here feels extraordinary. I’ve always known, and maybe, just maybe, this is why the journey's taken so long... that personally for me, writing usually depends very much on how I'm feeling, and I can honestly say I have never felt as internally happy in mind, body and spirit as I do right now... My life, although it's not perfect, is as perfect as I can make it... My family mean the whole world to me, and as most of you may already know, I blissfully married in 2011 to the most amazing man who believes in me, and with him he brought so much to life... he also miraculous taught me, that I can do whatever I want by just being me... So in being me, I say to anyone who is listening... life maybe short, but the time you spend on this gorgeous planet and those choices you make, sometimes have the most profound impact on those around you. So with my love and best wishes I whisper, be careful!  
 

Have a wonderful day!

Don’t forget stay close... just so I can reach out and touch you!

 

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