YOU... were made for me...

 

A Re-edited repost of a favourite blog from 2010...

 

It's strange even spooky how moments, events, including individuals and times can go on to rekindle memories, reinforcing how truly lucky we are, especially when faced with some memory's that might not have been all that great...But I have gone on to find with every moment of darkness, there is always lashings of LIGHT...

One of my most favourite quotes...  

 

“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours.
In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.”
Maya Angelou

This is a story previously told of private thoughts and feelings around a truly wonderful night that changed my life for the better... When I originally shared the story, which involved finding and finally understanding love and all it meant, I quite rightly dedicated it to my wonderful man, Douglas... Who in my opinion, just happens to be the most wonderful man on the planet. For those of you who don’t know Doug let me say this, if he ever read this post (he'd cringe) but only because he’s a calm, modest person, who wouldn’t speak or even think of himself in the way I have portrayed him... But hey you guys, I'm doing this and it's my story!

The first time I set eyes on this lovely man, my heart skipped a beat then it banged so loudly I felt sure everyone in the room must have heard.

At the time of setting my sights on this gorgeous guy, I just so happened to be in a time and space, where I was unhappily watching life along with its participants go by... Dreamily poised on the 2^ndfloor which was slightly raised from the main dance floor, I felt weirdly detached as I watched this handsome guy walk towards me. For whatever reason I instantly felt a connection... Don’t ask me how, but I inexplicable knew we were going to be soul mates.

When I realised he was walking toward me I recall my breathing became erratic, and I have to admit to feeling strangely peculiar. As he got closer I saw within him a gentle determination. Then like a bolt of lightning, I realised his absolute purpose... for the first time in a long time I smiled inwardly... This tall, dark handsome stranger had seen me from across the room and wanted to meet me. As he strode forward, I observed him gently excusing him-self to pass through the busy bumping, grinding crowds, all the while never taking his eyes off of me... unbeknown to him, I was quietly drinking in his appearance, and when he reached me with his impish grin, he politely asked if he could buy me a drink. Totally captivated by him, with his tall athletic figure I immediately noted strong broad shoulders, and gorgeous black hair which gleamed and sparkled from being gelled and patiently styled... he looked amazing, just like he’d stepped away from a top celebrity stylist and was ready for his photo shoot

When he started speaking to me with a Scottish lilting tone I thought instantly of Sean Connery, which made me smile more.

l felt a tap on my shoulder as a friend shrieked, come on it’s time to go... In that instant, I really wanted to stay but I knew that wouldn’t be right. I quickly retrieved my mobile number. As we briefly half hugged, I wondered whether this gorgeous human being would ring me, or would he just melt into oblivion, never to be heard from again... Laughing, I found myself being pulled backwards by friends, through dancing crowds; it felt completely surreal as I watched dancing bodies sway to the beat of dance music. My own heart banged like a drum as it too danced. At the same time I tried hard not to take my eyes off of the tall dark Scottish guy who watched my every move. My last vision as I was pulled through double doors... a handsome man and his perfect smile.

For the rest of the evening my mind sensed that hopeful questionable feeling of ... could this possibly be it?... This might just be what I’ve been waiting for. It also shrieks louder, confirming someone found you attractive, someone was interested. He didn’t have his beer goggles on...because you know when he bought you that beer, he ordered himself a coke. Instinct sensed a mysterious darkness, but clearly I saw an elusive light. Oh wow, I'd waited to see that light for so long. A thought nudged in closer making me wonder, once again... was I going to be let down?... Like so many souls, all I wanted in this wonderful life, was a nice guy who’d know instinctively how to treat a woman, and that he’d be open and honest with his feelings... no mind games, just simple to goodness honesty, with a clear defined knowledge of what and whom he wanted out of life. But, I very quickly, and quite rightly reprimanded myself. Lady Jane, this is wayyyy too early for these deep, profound thoughts, especially at this inappropriate level...

Hey but come on, you know what us ladies are like... we just can’t help ourselves. On most things in life I always look at the bigger picture. I’m still not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, but I feel I can say, it’s always kept me safe...

On my way home I heard my phone beep...

My tummy turned then nose dived towards my legs. I saw an unfamiliar number... followed by, "I hope you’re having a good evening. I will ring tomorrow, if that’s ok with you?"

I wanted to shout, squeal, scream and yell. I kept it under wraps, tentatively reminding myself that life sometimes had a funny way of hastily turning in the wrong direction, but I also knew this could be the start of something really good. Getting to know someone was a great way to start. I didn’t answer his text immediately ... I wanted to appear all super cool and sophisticated... *smile*
Soooooo... I left it all of 10 minutes!

My response was to report, I had indeed enjoyed a great evening, and that I looked forward to his call!

Well friends, I’m happy to report that was the start of something magical, which thankfully continues... I'm lucky to be with a generous guy who is warm, genuine, trustworthy, loyal and tactile... Importantly he loves unconditionally... He inspires and encourages me, and I can’t imagine life without him. The cherry on the top of our cake was his proposal one New Year's Eve, followed by us marrying, making life wonderfully complete.

Although I’ll never forget the old days when life was at times a struggle, it also confirms for me that times do change, it also says nothing stays the same forever, and if someone was in your life, and  for what ever reason they left, there was a reason for that... The thing with failed relationships, is that they fail for a reason.

Thankfully there is a happy ending to my story, and that's wonderful but I guess it can take someone who has been through a lot to really know what they want in life... All I can share is that for me going through difficult, challenging, life changing moments, essentially showed me what I wanted in life, who I wanted to be with, and where I wanted to go...

 

~JaneIsEspeciallyGratefulForAllSheHasAndAlwaysWillBe.Ewen~
 

The Glorious Sea...

One fine day when I live by the deep blue sea, I’ll happily share the delights I know I will encounter. The dream has been a long one; time has shown me that there is certainly a deep timeless yearning that may possibly go on forever... I happily suffer hallucinations and with warm enthusiasm, I welcome all future, blissful possibilities they represent.   

I will fully endeavour to describe the way the sea kisses its shore; I will help you the reader to visualise sea creatures as they tentatively step out of from beneath the ocean’s froth, on to fine sugary sand. As I breathe in deep, I will open with honesty; blue eyes wide, so that you distinctly hear the most amazing sounds, breathe in the most beautiful smells and see with crystal like clarity, indescribable sights...

There is a world where one can go, a world that needs to be enjoyably viewed by invitation... If I have the sight to describe my world to you, then hopefully you’ll have your own uncapped power to soak up all its magnificence... I don’t mind saying, my world can be full of mystery, my dreams beyond compare... Stark thoughts are ever abundant.

All of these ever increasing qualities grow consistently week by week, year by year... giving so much to my globe, my imagination. I may build a universe, describe a war or even share my deepest thoughts ... and quite often I find that my head spins uncontrollably non stop ... the hardest part I occasionally find, is not the sharing of my passion... but retaining it.

I want to delight, appeal, fascinate, tempt, enchant and charm... I have just got to touch your deepest nerve, penetrate your softest core so that you understand every single day there is someone you can touch, help and support with a simple smile... I know this like I know, night follows day...

The story is not yet over; it begins with all of us every single day! 


~JaneEwen~

 

I am Me... Do you know who you are?

I don’t think I will ever be able to articulate eloquently enough, what being ME actually means... Just being able to communicate from my heart & soul is enough to enable me to carry on communicating to family, friends and strangers. You may not believe this, but once upon a long time ago I would not have dared to say BOO to a goose... I’ve come a long way, I have found out who I am, I have grown to love the me I have become, and that in itself is honestly amazing.

What have I learned this past week...?

That sometimes I can be a little thoughtless, and I need to remember not everyone is like me; they don’t want their business shouted from the roof-tops... I have witnessed that having things to look forward to, makes life that bit more exciting... And from this week’s experiences, it’s been reinforced that family and friends are super-duper important... I have further realised that no matter what one does for another, it won’t make them happy unless they engage 100% ... I think I’ve recently understood that I cannot fix everyone, but I have a feeling that will be an ongoing journey of progression, since I truly sense because of who I am I will never give up trying... I have also further discovered that I seriously have the best husband in the whole wide world; he is such a beautiful soul, so caring, so kind and so considerate... I am a lucky lady to have met and married such a wonderful man, he brings out the best in me and that further adds to the extraordinary wonder of our marriage...

I also know that no matter what we learn, what we run with and who we love and support, the journey will be as long as our learning is on this planet... every brand new day is beautiful, the skills we use to progress will always have an impact on those around us, that’s why it’s ultra important to use Kindness as your key... with kindness, peace always appears and peace is the very best start for learning and wisdom....  If you sit back, reflect and share all that you discover, individuals will become so much wiser and able to pass along shared knowledge ... choices have impact, make sure your choices are for the best... that will then be the justice you bestow on countless others.

Now to look forward to next week and see what develops as I further investigate on this wonderful journey that's set before me...

Don’t you forget... stay close and visit often, your company is most welcome...

AngelJane

Past, Present and Future...

PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE...

I have been away from my much-loved Blog for a while; I have so much to share, and so much to tell... I do like to talk about my past, present and future... those of you who know me understand how I’m happily able to unconditionally share the clean-up process of my child-hood. I’ve been able to do this because quite rightly I grew to understand, the adults involved made a right old mess of it. I have been blessed to at last be able to let go of the past and forgive, but even at this point in time the one thing I've found difficult to do, is FORGET... joyfully though, I have managed to stop it from making me sad, and that blissfully happened when I finally forgave.  For me overcoming insecurities unlocked enormous courage, which I realise silently resides deep within each and everyone of us... I am fortunate because I've managed to developed a true healing heart however, despite this abundant knowledge, I occasionally get the odd crack but thank goodness I have my writing, my words, my family and friends as well as myself... All I understand, is that you cannot live In fear and experience love.

I love to engage, I love to share, I love to show and I love to tell. This is something that’s grown with age, but for me showing vulnerability, being transparent with a genuine soul, and able to demonstrate love is the positive way forward, and if I am these things and more then I will not falter on my journey. I love to see light in people’s eyes, it shows that possibly they are open, they are listening, and I further understand it’s not over for that person, and there's evidence that they will be fine if they are receptive to help, advice and support... for me as long as a light shines there is a promise, a chance.

I have found I am able to stand strong, and I always do what I have to do, but sometimes, depending on the amount of deception present in another, and because I am not made from stone, I very often feel sad, even a little disappointed in their ability to communicate, however this doesn’t deter me, it spurs me on to be able to show them, that not everybody should be painted with the same brush... It also saddens me that a whole lot of people seem hell-bent on labelling another’s good intentions, and will create barriers, this is perfectly acceptable if they have been through a lot, but then there comes a point when another can only do so much to prove oneself or their actions ... I believe those individuals are the hardest to come to terms with, because it just reinforces what I’ve been told a million times...

You cannot fix everyone!

But why not!

If a hurt/damaged person sits, we have a conversation, you respectfully listen, you share your heart and soul, you go on to give strategies and with their input you show a plan for the future, and then you realise still, damn, this isn’t enough, then the alternative for me is the head banging fact, one has to reluctantly walk away, and that my friend is a very hard thing to do.  I guess I’ve personally overcome much, I know it’s not been easy, but I also know ‘WE’ cannot blame our past for everything; it really infuriates me that some people will do that and then carry on to blame their upbringing for some of the most heinous crimes that they’ve done. There is a time when we must take and accept responsibility for our own choices and existence, and move on with decorum.

May courage, confidence and strength always be yours...

Don’t forget till next time, Stay Close!  

AngelJane

Thoughts from near and far...

I have many thoughts; they all safely ramble, and are contained securely within my head-space. Occasionally they are connected to my heart beat and this makes them super-thoughts...

It’s been a little while since my last visit to a much loved blog, but for me it always bears repeating that my absence sometimes causes me concern... I guess quite a few of you will know that this beautiful world I’ve managed to create has been my very own, wonderful healing space, my off-loading arena, my stadium, my sanctuary.

Officially the journey began in 2009... An atrocious year, where I thought for a shattering moment, I was going to stop breathing. In 2009 I was given the most devastating news about my beautiful girl.... I’m glad to say we have come a long way since then, but my girl has sadly endured much. The last bout of radiotherapy seems to have halted the beast within its injurious tracks... the size of it has changed, the radiation is causing it to shrink, the pain level has more than abated, and the outlook for our future has much improved.   

When I think about what she has endured I want to cry so much but I’m truly proud of her, so much so, that I have tentatively submitted a piece to the’ Scottish Book Trust’ for it to hopefully be accepted, to possibly be included in a beautiful new book called ‘Treasures’ I will include the link for those who have time to check it out...

http://www.scottishbooktrust.com/reading/treasures/extraordinary-treasures

My life has been a whirlwind of challenges and changes. I am happy to say we are seeing a beautiful light through what was threatening darkness.  The outlook has improved with my positivity level soaring, so having wonderful family and friends around, has been an absolute bonus as well as my recent change in jobs. To feel happy and content is one thing; to actually feel completely worthwhile is another... During this journey I have fantastically found, I am coming into contact with a number of individuals who are blowing me away... As much as I love my writing, my words, and my stories, I have to admit I have never shared a passion for POETRY... in spite of this; I have come across the most remarkable young man, whose beautiful poetry now makes my day... I joked with him and delightfully shared that when I recite his magic, I sing... Here’s his link, if you decide to check him out, please share with him that Jane sent you... You won’t be disappointed!

https://www.facebook.com/jane.ewen.18?ref=tn_tnmn#!/nekatu

My thoughts always begin and end with the most important people in my life, my wonderful husband, my beautiful daughter, my amazing son-in-law to be and my very special granddaughter... Wow I am so exceptionally lucky, no wonder my thoughts stop and start with them...

Hope you manage to stay awhile as I have another looming post ready to publish. Draw that chair closer, it be good to keep you here longer!