Forgiveness...

 

I will tell my story about what you did... it will emerge from a learned soul and penetrate even the coldest of hearts... you will see how your behaviour affected the innocent. It's my hope that you will understand and learn.

If you don't, it's because you don't want to. 

They think there are no consequences, but they live and die under false illusions. I smile, I know different, there are always consequences and the passage of time will make no difference.

If you do it, live it, and know it's wrong, then you will bear those consequences.

So for now I will write my learning, I'll speak my truth, and share all I know so that the unforgivable, and all of our stories will mount, and your understanding will continue. 

Whatever process you acquire, to learn, and understand when seeking out knowledge, or however you set your skills, values, and attitude... it must begin with a good heart, and for those of you who make the mistake of saying, but... I had a hard childhood, it happened to me, then my friend, you are the least excused, because you know more than most how it feels to be in that deep, dark, desperate hole...

If you read this and know you are guilty, then think and move forward in a way to work on yourself.  There's no excuse. The amount of information, the signposting to a better way, is visible in our invisible world. 

To those of you who ignore it all, and to those who walk through life not challenging the behaviour of those who are guilty,  you, are just as bad if not worse by allowing others to be harmed, it's not acceptable, and it's definitely not acceptable to turn a blind eye.

They say it takes a village to raise a child... well let me tell you this, I came from a large family,  they all turned a blind eye, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and unbelievably, Grandparents ... they all contributed to the neglect, the abuse, the lies, and the horrendous life we had to live before a neighbour intervened... You think children don't want to leave abusive Parents/family/carers... think again, my life started when I was taken. 

The stories, the messages, my thoughts will continue till I am no more... and my message to you out there, you who maybe suffering because of what you've been through... There is light, there is healing, sometimes there is no understanding but its not your fault, and you will learn to leave the blame where it belongs, even though right now you feel like you'll never be able to move on, trust me, you will.

Always remember that Forgiveness is for you, and helps you move on. In forgiving, it enables the bitterness to disappear from your life...   

MJ Ewen

Virginia...

 Let me introduce myself... 

My name is Virginia.

I have to say I have no idea why my parents called me Virginia. To me the name dictates a strong, brave women, who would intuitively protect those around her, and due to silly curiosity, I looked up its meaning... I was surprised to discover it meant, pure, virgin bride, and chaste... well I don't think so, how the hell do you think I cornered my victims? The only person I want to protect, is me... so for your own safety, if you're weak, and present as vulnerable, stay the hell away.    

I grew up amongst Monsters, and quickly Iearned how to stay safe. I figured out that if you scanned your surroundings then the feedback would infiltrate you, with the information you'd need... I learned so much, I had all the answers, which meant I'd always have my say, and being in control is paramount. 

I'm everybody's friend, until I'm not. 

It all started with pain, and then those damn voices came.

I quickly learned to achieve the skills I'd use to my advantage.  At a young age I became use to assessing, and reporting.  This was how I became able to design an internal pilot scheme, to get rid of certain individuals who I knew would become a drain in my world.

The scheme was specific and I followed my guidelines to the letter... anything else just wouldn't do. 

From an early age I sensed the stranger inside of me, the stranger whispered its lies, and told stories to claim victims. She was relentless, even I felt anxious of the lengths she would go to.

...Things happened to her, terrible things, things she doesn't ever want to discuss or think about. So, if you ever meet Virginia, for God's sake don't show any sensitivity or weakness, because, if it's one thing she detests, it's someone who may let her down... 

MJ Ewen 

The Gypsy...

Just imagine... 

your walking along the road to nowhere, you know somethings got to happen because your life's in the gutter, and, you also realise that If you disappeared right now, no one would miss you. You've accomplished nothing. Your thoughts and mood, have been dark for a long time. 

You look around but your vision is cloudy, you're walking, aimlessly. Then it starts snowing. Within a couple of minutes the snow begins to fall hard. You're not dressed for winter, you left the house in a hurry.  Music, you hear music. It's a Christmas Carol...  we wish you a merry Christmas... we wish you a merry Christmas...  its Christmas!  Is it really Christmas? her intuition tells her to follow the music.

In the distance the glow from fairy lights cuts through the haze of falling snow. There are voices, music, and laughter.  It's been so long since I laughed.  I wonder, could I do that again? ... Maybe not.  Since you left, the world's felt lonely, and the way you left confirmed my importance.  Since then, my time has been spent reevaluating who I am, my purpose, and where I'm going, or actually, do I want to be here? and like a recording, I'm stuck...  Death is final.  Its so inviting, but not to be taken lightly. I need to think everything through.  Mind you, its not like anyone will miss me, but have I finished, am I really done?

Gaiety is up ahead, the music sounds beautiful, but can I feel beauty, right now? So many questions, so much uncertainty. The music alters, it's gypsy music, violins, and fiddles, jig out the beautiful, and the dark, reminding me of how we use to dance. 

Wiping snow from my eyes, I'm startled as a tall lady steps out from in-front of her brightly coloured stall, 

"Hello my lovely, may I invite you into my space, I have a feeling you won't regret your visit"

Her dark curly hair, cascades down, despite being tied up in a bright turban scarf which holds golden coins that jiggle as she moves. Dressed like a Gypsy, her dark eyes softly stare. She's waits for an answer. 

What do I have to lose? I whisper to myself. Her patience is inspiring,  I know I'm supposed to answer, but this overwhelming, inadequate feeling, monopolises my mind.

"Come, let's talk, I sense you need a friend"

Feeling comfortable, I reach out to hold her hand. The Gypsy pulls me through her sequinned curtain, revealing the smallest room which is beautifully decorated. A tiny round table, two blue velvet covered chairs, shelves, that home books, trinkets and treasures. In the middle of the table sits the most exquisite, crystal snow globe, which rests on a intricate, gold stand, raising it from the linen it sits upon. My senses heighten, I smell delicious aromas, and essential oils.  

"Please, take a seat, let your experience begin" 

Sitting down, I'm unable to draw my eyes away from the globe, its light reflects silver, and golden specs of incredible light, whilst tiny flecks of snow, float around a scene I can't quite see...

The Gypsy settles herself, and asks,

"Shall we begin, my lovely?" 

MJ Ewen