The Final Maltese Chronicle 2010 Part 7

Friday 3^rd Dec 2010:

As long as I live, I know that I’ll never be able to capture the words to describe the final, complete and exquisite magic which happened within the confines of our Maltese Hotel, on our last evening together...

Oh What A Glorious Day!

Little did we know just how magnificently this beautiful day would end? With sad hearts we rose knowing this was our last day...

On entering the dining room for breakfast all four of us visibly brighten as guests and hotel staff shout good morning greetings, waving at four ladies from England. Waving back we take great pleasure in reminding them they’re in for a real treat this evening, tonight, we squeal is fancy dress. Genuine Warm smiles mixed with laughter follow us as we go to choose breakfast.
Several days earlier we’d decided, Friday was going to be our chilling day, a last day to try and capture more Maltese rays of warm sun-shine, but unfortunately it was cloudy with spit spots of threatening rain.

After breakfast, the four of us stood in front of our hotel, its splendid window frontage overlooking a most wonderful view of the sea. Silence pulsates between us as we all stood within our own dream world. It was Charlotte who broke into the moment...
“I know, let’s go shopping” 

Four sets of eyes need no further persuasion... four hours later found four shattered females flopping down into a favourite  snack bar as we order, delicious chicken and mushroom bakes ~ beer, wine and sangria... I exhaled as I heard Gypsy Kings playing in the background.  Giggling, toe tapping and much chatter continued to keep us busy as we explore the night ahead. 

Sixty minutes later, walking back to our hotel, thoughts of sunbathing in the rain ~ more laughter!
On a wet sunbathing terrace it wasn’t hard to see, sunbathing was definitely not order of the day ~ guests weren’t around, staff laughed and waved when they witnessed us covered in beach towels, lying on sun loungers with sun brollies up... enjoying the last few hours of warm daylight. We knew going back to England tomorrow we’d be returning to snow and a rather drastic plummet in temperatures.

Drinks ordered, we lay on sun beds when the lovely Selina joined us. 

“Where are you all eating tonight?” Selina wanted to know

“We’ve booked into the Chinese for our last meal” I returned misty eyed.

“We’ve invited Frank” Samantha said.

Ninety years young, Frank was such a good guy, a true gent and a delight to be around.
When we walked into our favourite Chinese restaurant that evening, guests and staff could not believe their eyes.  We had little red riding hood (Charlotte) A super sexy bunny (Miranda) a first sexy class airline pilot (Samantha) and me... a masquerade-ball princess. As we walked through for our meal, Frank had the biggest smile. Cheekily I whisper to him that he was behaving like and just reminded me of Charlie with his angels; this simply made his grin deepen. If I say this was the beginning to a hugely wonderful evening, I truly didn’t realise at that point how absolutely amazing it was going to be.

As we wait for starters, music, laughter and cheerfulness emanates throughout the restaurant. It was only when we felt a gentle breeze blow towards our table; we knew someone had entered the restaurant... Imagine our surprise when the hotel manager approached our table laughing, holding up a cat mask he said
“Selina has sent me to see you” He spent a few moments chatting and sharing with us that he felt we’d been good sports all week and the hotel, its guests had appreciated our company... He further said that he would appreciate it if we’d join him for drinks later! 

The four of us were kind of speechless after he left... to have been thanked by the manager him-self was truly a compliment and an honour...
The rest of dinner was fabulous, loads of gorgeous food, copious amounts to drink, all made for a truly magical beginning to what was to become an outstanding night.

Walking slowly back I kept thinking how wonderful we all look and how delighted Frank was at escorting us ladies back to the most beautiful bar in the world. Personally I felt so happy, I wanted to hug myself and everyone else around me. We walked slowly due to Frank’s age, walking slowly also had perks... In a world of my own, I looked at my friends and realised how much I truly loved each and every one of them with their complete acceptance of most of what I might say, my thoughts made me emotional. As we walked further through our beautiful hotel grounds and its immense corridors, the black and whiteness of its marble reminds me just how gorgeous our surroundings are... As I Listen to my huge masquerade ball gown swishhhhh along marble, I know my heart forever keeps, holds, and locks in tight irreplaceable memories from our week in Malta... I also know my mask hides misty eyes that glisten enough to bring my girls rushing towards me, luxuriously, allowing me the time to hold them tight for a whole five minutes... then realising they were getting worried I laughed, come on... last one to the bar buys the drinks... that was more than enough to kick start all of us (except Frank of course) into the well known bar run...  
Unfortunately Miranda came last and then moaned and moaned the whole way through ordering our round of drinks... Smiling at her irritation, I looked about the room it looked so beautiful, everything glistened and that’s when I see the strictly come dancing team, rush over towards us...

As they all push closer to look...

“Oh girls you look absolutely wonderful”...

The mood feels beautiful, people are happy; music blares... it’s going to be a brilliant night.
The dancing’s wonderful. We’re all up; the music’s taking us there... mind-you, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, as we all know, drink helps.

Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, Selina and I were up and it felt great. The atmosphere pure electric, the place filled up fast and the bar, buzzed, mega busy.  The DJ started taking requests and the whole of the bar started to join in a circle, a circle that grew and grew... through the flashing lights the music started up and I heard Frank Sinatra’s voice call, New York New York... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-ZUXQuFcnw  The atmosphere twitched and trembled as every single person in that bar joined hands and started dancing in an unbroken circle, the smiles, the ambience hit everyone... kicking legs high we sang with Frank Sinatra and as New York ,New York faded, the girls and I went to the stage eager and happy to address the crowd, telling them we’d had a fabulous week and although we were really sorry to be going...  the memories we would take with us, would never fade... We called Frank over and thanked him for looking after us... his eyes misted as he thanked us back, saying he’d really enjoyed our company and was sad we were leaving. Individuals were coming up and hugging us and saying goodnight and goodbye...
Phew I said, how the heck do you beat this? “You don’t” whispered Miranda.

A restless night and a sad journey home... but once again, at Manchester airport despite our sadness at leaving Malta, we rejoiced at landing on familiar territory. As I kissed and dropped my last friend off I put my foot down in a bid to reunite with my beautiful man...

Will I go to Malta again? I don’t think so; you cannot expect to repeat perfection a second time around!

THE END

Meditation and the Journey.

Today I learned... Buddha is a complete way of life, concerned with the wholesome development of the individual. In the words of Buddha himself: Learn to do good, Cease to do harm, Control the mind, and Benefit others. These are principles I try to live by, but being tutored feels especially beneficial in helping my understanding of things that I questioned before.

Not being completely sure what to expect from my pre-booked meditation class, I arrived at the school, parked up quickly then as I stepped out of the car I felt the nerves begin to twitch. Hurrying through the school car park, no clue where to gain entrance, I saw the back of a lonely figure a few yards ahead of me. Calling out... the young lady turned and without taking breath I asked where K Block was, she smiled and said she had no idea then asked where I wanted to go... Meditation, I said breathlessly, aha she smiled that’s where I am going.  As if by magic, I now had someone to walk into class with. All day I had been anxious and dreaded the very thought of walking in alone. It was almost like my prayers had been answered. Good start I thought!

The room not as I imagined a meditation-room to be was an ordinary class-room the students used for drama. There were film posters around the walls, books and tapes. I observed the seated individuals and yes despite my surroundings, I sensed something very calm about the room and its occupants.

Welcoming the class our teacher introduced herself. We spent the first part of our time with a prayer and then with a teaching on different levels of ‘happiness and love’ and what that meant in terms of how we perceived and dealt with these emotions. There was a lot more to it and I felt the teacher explained herself very well... despite me never having attended before, I had a clear grasp on what she was saying and it all made perfect sense to me. I felt like I’d been here before and I understood the concept of the message and at that point I felt a warmth begin to spread inside of me. Previously I’d worried I wouldn’t understand, and yet here I was in a new class, I felt completely at home. I knew I had made the right decision to attend.

Our first mediation about to begin... I felt incredibly nervous and I wanted to laugh... My teacher told us to relax, place both feet flat on the floor and hold our hands in our laps, whichever way felt comfortable, and to help stop hands from moving we were to hold our thumbs close together. Throughout the first meditation all I heard was her soft soothing voice. I have to admit, I kept opening my eyes, thoughts kept breaking through. I felt frustrated knowing this is just what happens at home, I’m never going to be able to quieten my mind I thought negatively. There was a further Buddha teaching, which I found very interesting, it made me think of the possibilities of these new thoughts, especially now they were being explained to me. We then had a second meditation this was called a ‘Contemplation Meditation’ by this time I felt more comfortable and felt able to relax. Throughout I concentrated on my breath... My teacher told us if you find thoughts invading your mind; concentrate on the breath as you inhale through your nostrils... Each and every time those thoughts penetrated, I immediately took myself to the breath and it worked... so much so, I almost fell asleep and experienced a complete blankness which had an amazing affect on me. As long as I have lived, that’s never happened. I have never been able to have nothing on my mind...   After ‘Contemplation Meditation’ we got to chat to each other over coffee. I further discovered all of the participants had been doing meditation for a couple of years and longer... they were friendly and I didn’t feel awkward.

I also learned how Buddhism teaches us to overcome problems and difficulties by understanding and overcoming their causes. I understood from discussion that normally we look outwards for answers to problems, Buddha teaches us to look inwards. He shows how feelings of dissatisfaction arise from negative states of mind. He offers methods to eliminate these by developing generosity, compassion, wisdom and other positive states of mind. Cultivating these qualities, we discover an inner state of peace and strength.

Throughout the two hours in class and further reading, I learned the word Buddha means ‘Awakened One’ A Buddha is one who has awakened from an ignorant sleep, sees things as they really are and is free from faults and mental obstructions.

The Buddha school I attend encourages people from all ethnic backgrounds to adopt the wisdom and compassion of Buddha and to put it into practice in a way that suits their particular culture...

After all I have seen and felt over the last twenty-four hours ... My passion rises to unknown heights and although I know this is probably ludicrous to some. It will be magical to others...

Be true to yourself and don’t be afraid to explore unknown depths.

Stay with me ~ Namaste

This Beautiful Mad, Mad World...

Remember whilst reading this article... It’s been said many times ‘You have to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you really experience what they are going through’ we are powerful; with every thought, word, choice and action, we determine our future and how we perceive the world and its inhabitants... I want to see my world differently before it’s my turn to get off... I want to know I did everything right and to the best of my ability... I cannot over emphasise the importance of engaging at as many levels as possible, to purely attain your own knowledge and understanding to see and support the connection between us all, and there is a connection, a beautiful one that needs a little understanding to help us focus on the correct way to do things...  

As you read these words some individuals are on the internet busily networking or browsing for a better life. Other individuals are @ the gym, others are out shopping possibly passing a homeless person begging for their living. Parents are driving children to school or taking them to appointments; others remain at home searching job papers or sadly sat in a chair depressed at the very thought of going to work or simply living their life.

Whilst we may be aware that everyone is different, the same questions press through hearts and minds ‘How can I live today, where can I look to have a sense of well-being when my life it is dissolving right in front of me? How can I find the happiness I use to feel in this unreliable, unpredictable world? Where might I find peace of mind I desperately yearn? I share this, hoping to stop others from rushing around in this mad, mad world... it’s so important to see where you’re going, what you’re doing and why! Sensing those reasons as well as remembering this life is for living.  Your physical and mental survival is important. So is the realisation that we are not just here for ourselves, it’s terribly important how we live, love, share and experience life... these essential skills impact on just about everything, who we are and what we do...  

I've become aware that I’m going through some sort of transition... I have this incredible feeling that this should have happened many moons ago, but, for whatever reason I realise clearly I managed to put it off... Now my yellow brick road is moving again and I have a clear sense of change... hopefully it will be for the better!

Knowing I have company on this journey is comforting... because even if you don’t talk to me, I know you're there!

I enjoy reading positive affirmations to encourage me on my life’s path... I’ve always magically known, within all human-beings there lie’s a seed of enlightenment but, I also understand intuitively we have to be in the right place at the right time and just for added measure, be experiencing certain conditions for it to sprout... I’ve come to believe that self-actualisation is a powerful process and in embracing this we learn so much about ourselves in the process... This experience is not just for me, and willingly I share my all in the hope that I help someone else on this sometimes bumpy journey. 

To me self-empowerment will raise many questions as well as bring answers,  joy, and I suspect I will realise the me I am, the me I want to be, and the me I’m meant to embrace... if I manage to bring with that clarity more power to love, give, reward, share joyfulness, contentment, peace, healing, acceptance, genuine unconditional thoughts and attain a deeper wisdom then I will be happy to simply understand what all of that means, and share my experiences of attaining such beauty within my life...  I also know I have been through much and sadly I have to contain such sadness which I've grown to understand further enables a person to become a much stronger character... It also means I don’t have a problem talking about or understanding my own weaknesses, my faults, strengths etc...  Knowing I have done something about them is half way to reaching my goals of which I have many.

Please, stay with me!

Heart Body & Soul

For most of my life for one reason or another I lived in fear... then I became a mother and as if by magic I was no longer afraid... With my new role I changed, I grew and I blossomed. No one fitted the role better or more perfect... She was my beautiful girl, my heart-beat and I would always make life comfortable, safe, secure and happy... Unlike me she would have more than the basics in life, I would go with-out and I'd always make sure she felt the sparkling, enchantment of her precious childhood...

If you’re like me then sometimes in this life you may wonder ‘what the hell happened’ or better still ‘how do we get through this’ or maybe more realistically ‘how do we live with it’... the ‘IT’ in my world is continuing to deal with the fallout that we as a family are still experiencing since 2009... If you have read my brief but personal account of that horrendous time http://angeljanesworld.blogspot.com/2011/08/desmoid-tumour-research-foundation.html  then I’m sure you will know, maybe even understand the devastating effects that something like that can have on a family... During the past two years my journey has been hard, because not only am I struggling to accept that my beautiful girl has a lifelong condition but also the intense horror knowing that to date, there is no known cure... the doctors, even specialists all seem to have different view points and no two treatments appear to be the same, which is terribly disconcerting. 

I use to visualise my life’s journeys as a magical, shiny yellow brick road, the one from the film, ‘Wizard of Oz’ that path has not been an easy one and like others I have occasionally veered off from my journey, but since the’ IT’ came into our lives, it’s been extremely hard to visualise anything... sadly this has managed to send me spiralling emotionally out of control towards a darkness that I really didn’t want to penetrate... As a mother I don’t need to tell any parent how it feels not to be able to make it better, but when not making it better means not being able to do anything at all to ease your child’s worry’s or hurt then it’s hard to come to terms with. For me personally, it’s fallen into me being just ok, managing and supporting everyone else, to me screaming silently for someone to save and support me.  All this accumulates into a deep, dark stress which overwhelms a person into believing the opposite of everything they once believed... I use to believe so much prior to this and I always produced a happy face believing even if I wasn’t really happy, the fact I was able to convince others I was, made it better...

During the last two years I believe I developed illnesses when there wasn’t any. I felt darkness come and it stayed, because I made it easy to remain... I stopped confiding in my loved ones because I felt they had enough to cope with without me adding even more pressure. I genuinely thought I might die if I allowed myself to think of the unthinkable and although I’m not through the hoop yet, I made an important decision a couple of weeks ago... I sensibly decided, I’m no good to anyone in my present state and the best thing to do was tell the Doctor, tell him how I truly felt about things, instead of keeping most of my thoughts to myself, pretending to be half ok... With that enlightening admission, a wealth of help and support came and do you know what?  ~ It meant I didn’t overwhelm my lovely family with all the gory details of how I was feeling, which helped me feel much better...  After my disclosure, my clever GP referred me to the Gym, where I‘ve taken up Tai Chi. I also start Buddha meditation classes next week, something I’ve always been interested in... Already my pulse rate has lowered, maybe that’s an indication of how it’s going to progress. I’ve read recently about the Buddha principles, of their way of life and what it means. I don’t quite understand meditation except to say its explained simply as a tool for developing qualities such as inner peace, love and patience, all of which I need right now. On that note I will keep you posted and blog about my first night...   which will be next Wednesday.

To update my girl’s progress... A couple of weeks ago Christies offered her amputation, I can tell you right now, at that moment in the clinical, pristine consultation room, our world stopped,collided and crashed... I didn’t want to breathe, when I looked over at the consultant, I saw clearly he'd also stopped breathing... such news is obviously as painful for them as it is for us to hear... looking over to my girl, I saw big blue frightened eyes, they said it all... to this day, I’ll never know, how I managed not to cry my heart out...

If I tell you I have the strongest girl in the world then please believe me, because within 10mins of hearing that dreadful conclusion, she was up using fighting talk, advising me that no way was anyone taking her arm off... Her words not mine>>>She continued without taking a breath>>> I would rather live a short life being able-bodied, then a long life disabled and miserable... I tried to talk to her about people managing with these very sad conditions, her argument, we are all different mum and for me it can never happen... For someone so young It struck me I'd brought up a very strong, opinionated individual, who has her own mind and is ready for the fight.  My own conclusion to that awful day in the consultation room >>> If she can fight this, then so can I...

We’re a team, bonded heart body and soul.

The Message

To the Happy Little Girl I always wanted to be.......... This life is not over!  

The room is every bit as ancient as the past... I watch the light fade upon familiar faces in an eerie twilight kind of way, I sense silence could be cut with a knife, but the absolute knowledge that I’m actually asleep, watching from afar and completely aware of a progressively frightening situation, makes the experience all the more outlandish. The whole atmosphere abhorrent, I sit rigid, clutching off white cobwebbed table linen. I know categorically I don’t want to be here but a much, bigger part of me recognises sweet childhood faces. I instinctively know that right now, this is the place I must be.

Just as I hear a child’s far away cry this briefly tenses me a whole lot further, movement at the head of the table signifies I really do know this child; I stare hard at the little blonde-haired boy, he moves in slow motion towards mouldy, mouse infested food which sits right in front of him. Slowly, unbelieving, I look to the left of the little Blonde boy, another sad whisper of a child; her beautiful, sad, empty eyes stare beseechingly towards me... Next to her, a woman, auburn hair wildly backcombed, empty eyes which don’t stare because, for some reason I don’t see a light or any recognition and If you asked directly I would insist she look’s dead, that would be if her right hand wasn’t twitching as it rests upon the table.

I breathe deep as I inhale tiny particles of dust from the room. On the other side of the table I see another young boy, his eyes ice blue and full to the brim with tears. Immediately I fill up myself. I’m beginning to understand the strange significance of this... to his left another little boy, slightly older and again reaching forward for food, food that is no longer viable but, there's a hunger moving around the table. Again the faraway child’s intense cry sounds louder, crying longer each time it penetrates the room.  I look to the walls, instantly I observe rosy pictures... childhood pictures of photo’s that should have been taken but weren’t, happy faces of beautiful children as they play together without a care in the world... the strange thing is though when I see each and every photo it fizzles, leaving a dark, angry mark on the walls of the room.  

I look back to the table; my family still stationary although now they all look towards me, I stifle a scream as I clearly see that the skin on their faces has disgustingly begun to decompose...  Leaning back in my chair... I know these children are my siblings and the woman is our mother... I realise the dream means so much more, I especially sense the closure, it explains at long last that no matter what I would have done in a life, present or previous, there would have been nothing I could have done to make all the adult wrongs right... I know I am blessed to have been given such beautiful brothers and sister, but sadly knowing the rights or even wrongs on the journey wouldn’t have made the path for us any easier... eventually only we, individually, could do that through making right choices! ... Watching the scene before me I raise very slowly, I don’t want to wake-up yet... Unfinished business... I still hear the child crying, I also feel the thread between us and confusingly it’s very strong. I desperately want to see her, comfort her and tell her it’s going to be alright!

The big brown, dirty door is heavy as it opens. Nervously I step into a dark, dismal corridor... My eyes adjust to the darkness and just outside that door; there she sits, cross-legged. Her tiny shoulders shudder gently with each cry as it struggles to erupt from her throat; her dark blonde head rests on her chest.  Slowly I bend to try and reassure her it is going to be alright. Crouching down, I place my hand tentatively on her head. A few moments pass, her tears begin to stop, when she looks upto me, I gasp almost falling over, the reason I do this is because instantly I recognise myself ... The sadness, overwhelmingly explodes within us both. Naturally I reach forward; standing her up I tenderly wrap her in complete unconditional love, as I carefully whisper...

“Jane you don’t worry anymore, it’s going to be ok, you’re going to be alright, never forget I love you”   

Desmoid Tumour Research Foundation ...

On Sunday 23^rd Oct 2011 come rain or shine

A Fun Run~ Running for Answers.

Will take place in Fairmount Park Philadelphia PA

Organised by Desmoid Tumour Research Foundation: In aid of Fibromatosis Desmoid Tumours...  

In 2009 my family received terrible news... When you’re told your child has a tumour, you instinctively take it that the tumour is cancerous and your world begins to fall apart...  We were referred to a specialist hospital over a 100miles away and after a consultation, a thorough examination and a rather difficult biopsy we waited for what seemed like forever.

The verdict was in... ~ Benign ~ I almost passed out with the joy of pure relief... Fibromatosis ~ a name was thrown down the telephone,  but I was too busy laughing and hugging my beautiful girl and thanking god and the consultant ~ it’s going to be ok I told her, it’s going to be ok...
How wrong I was... 2011 after one extremely invasive operation and god knows how many trips backwards and forwards to the specialist hospital... my girl decided after a final consultation and the distressing news, she was going to lose her arm ~ she quite rightly wanted a 2^nd opinion.

I won’t go on or into details, except to say she’s been referred to ‘Christies Cancer hospital’ (despite it not being a Cancer) the hospital advised it would be treated like a cancer and a treatment plan has been put into place... I delicately share this very personal experience with you, because my beautiful girl is now fighting something we all call the Beast... The tumour is an aggressive ‘Fibromatosis Desmoid Tumour’ a rare tumour, that is hell bent on staying. It clones itself in an attempt to protect her from an injury she received in 2009... Resulting in scar tissue which has gone out of control and DNA’s become involved... Throughout this nightmare journey, she’s been brave, strong and dignified and because of her own research, she came into contact with a page on facebook called http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/desmoidtumorRF/  On the day she found this group I’ll never forget the relief in her voice as she said, “Mum I’ve found others with my condition”... I wont discuss statistics, but just to say, this is a rare tumour... I’m not a professional or a person with medical knowledge, I’m a really scared mum who half the time feels completely lost, due to the past few years of groping around in the dark, frantically trying at times to make it better for my girl...

However along the way I have learned the Dr’s, consultants and Specialists etc. have different viewpoints, but they all seem to agree on one thing, unfortunately it’s a lifelong condition and something no one seems to know very much about... The Fibromatosis Desmoid Tumour group gain strength and support from one another, we all keep in contact, helping one another in as many ways as we can... but we desperately need your help, support and a positive connection, which, is one of the reasons why I and others communicate incessantly through Twitter & facebook to get the message out, to raise awareness as well as fundraise for research, a much needed cure and as many treatments as necessary...  A ‘Fun Run’ called ‘Running for Answers ‘ has been organised by Desmoid Tumour Research Foundation which is based in America.

Anyone can go to the link (below) quickly and easily, donate as little or as much as you like... As well as this being a personal account it also asks graciously, if you could help ~ I more than anyone knows the state of some finances in households right across the globe, but if you can't donate please dont worry, instead, help spread awareness so that this condition gets the recognition and support that it rightly deserves... We regularly tweet about it on Twitter.... @Fibromatosis & @angeljane01

Here’s the link if you wish to DONATE... http://www.active.com/donate/rfa2011/itcanhappen2u2  every single donation goes directly to (Desmoid Tumour Research Foundation)
I pray hard that someone, somewhere will one day be able to help us get-rid of this awful condition and loved ones will be saved from aches, pain, discomfort and the uncertainty they face each and every day...

Obviously we would like to collect more but The goal: $1000 ~ To date we are 61% towards that goal... Can you please help?

If you’d like to know more: http://www.dtrf.org/dtrf_thefoundation.htm

Angel and the gang Thank you :)

Maltese Chronicles 2010... Part 6

Thursday 02-12-10

Another day in paradise!

Hazy heat beat down as we sat waiting for our coach. Today we’re going to Gozo ~ a beautiful, dramatic Island. An excursion... we’ve looked forward to this since our arrival in Malta.

As we Waited for our beautiful, luxurious, air conditioned coach; you can imagine our absolute disappointment when a clapped out, white transit van pulls up outside our rather posh hotel....

“Well girls” Miranda crowed “you get what you bloody well pay for” 

The four of us crept onto the van in a muted silence, hoping sincerely, that no one would see us.

Sitting to quickly, all four urgently pull out huge sunglasses, then gently, we disappear into well worn stained seats as we pull sunhats around our faces.

“Who the hell told us to come with this shit company” Samantha hissed.

“You Samantha, you” we all seethed.

“Come on guys, it will be fine” Charlotte ever the peacemaker, smiled.

On the ferry, we relax, order drinks and chill. We step off where we’re quickly ushered along to meet our designated Tourist Guide.

Standing in the Queue...

“Maybe he’ll be handsome or better still maybe he’ll be handsome and available” I laugh towards Samantha

“He better be, I’m getting desperate now”

“Oh no” whispered Miranda, “not another transit van”

“Hello, I’m Michael your guide for today”

Samantha’s mouth drops open ~ Miranda, Charlotte and I giggle ~ she really is desperate!

Michael who by the way is built like the back end of a bus, black spiky hair, brown eyes that seem to be focused but aren’t.

Once we’re seated in the van, Michael gets himself into the driving seat, we all screech as the back end of the van rises...

“Oh my god how much does he weigh” cries Charlotte. We all look around nervously. I have a feeling this is not going to be the excursion we were so looking forward to.

On our way at last, we drive through amazing scenery and to our delightful surprise, Michael turns out to be a brilliant, well informed tour guide, he definitely knows the island, its history and his information is coming across as interesting.

During our first stop, Samantha asks him to take some photos of us as a group. The views breathtaking and as Michael is taking a picture, Samantha’s now well known phrase echo’s around the mountains...

“Michael... have you got a girlfriend?”

“Yes I have a wife and 10 kids” Michael beams

“Oh my good god” she gasps.

The three of us double over in stitches, laughing at the shock across her face.

I looked at Michael and smiled, he couldn’t have said anything better, he then looks in my direction and as if he knew what I was thinking, he winks mischievously; this of course makes me laugh harder... I knew he’d told a porky, serves her right I thought, serves her bloody well right.

Half way through our day... a day which was turning out to be wonderful, Michael drops us off in a lovely, sleepy town, so that we can lunch and shop for a few hours. The sights and sounds feel wonderful.... we order lunch knowing we’re going to go shopping  to grab a bargain and if we have time we’re going to pay a visit to a fancy castle.

We arrive back approximately 5pm – the four of us decide to walk back to the hotel. On our way back we discover a fabulous street which for those of you who are old enough to remember, reminds me of the age old programme, the streets of San Francisco. As we walk along, a man waves at us and shout “Yahoo, yahoo” surprised, we look at one another.

“Is he talking to us?” 

We all turn back to see if he’s waving to someone behind us because, now he’s shouting too.

“Is he waving at you or us?” I enquire to a young girl behind us.

“It’s my uncle” she giggles “but listen he is probably talking to you”

As we walk by, Samantha looks back receiving a very sexy wink.

“Down tiger” Miranda growls...

Laughing, we hurry to get back to the hotel so that we can ready ourselves for another evening of food, drink and dance.  we also want to chat about our last evening together on the beautiful Maltese Island... We’d already decided to go in fancy dress... I was to be a carnival queen, Miranda a bunny girl, Charlotte little red riding hood and Samantha as usual had us in hysterics, she told us she’d decided she was going as an airline pilot...

Friday, our last night... was going to be a lot more than interesting, but one thing was for sure, we all need an early nite to prepare for hopefully a wonderful last evening together.

Juliana The Dancer...

Juliana the Dancer is a beautiful, fun-loving girl. She's completely unaware that there is much to be frightened of but, life is wonderful and living is fun! Until one terrible night, she leaves herself vulnerable and wide open to attack from an unsavoury character who has vowed to kill her........

Mist rolled quickly down the hill around her, she was very soon enveloped in an eerie, unfamiliar cloak … It was only when she felt it’s icy, penetration from within, that she began to shiver uncontrollably. Horrendously, she began recalling what had happened... Shaking her aching head, listening to sinister sounds through pitch blackness, she started to crawl tentatively along the edge of the hill, despite her injuries, she was mindful to stay close to the ground, just in case he returned. Hot tears squeezed through bruised, swollen eyelids, her tongue felt like a brick, swollen and dry it was stuck firmly to the roof of her mouth. Juliana panted because she could hardly breathe. The taste of blood made her feel sick.

She heard an unusual noise which stopped her in her tracks; listening as hard as she could she felt the fear of god knows what... Terrified she stifled a cry, biting down on her lower lip she tasted fresh blood, pushing herself deeper into the sludgy, slimy mud she almost screamed as she felt him breeze past like a puff of wind and that’s when she smelt a vile, familiar odour, her mind rigged flashbacks as she remembered with clarity the previous few hours... clearly as if she’d turned the TV on she started seeing the vicious attack. Oh my god, she realised with icy terror, he’s returned to finish the job.

In the pitch of darkness her senses alive, her mind a luminous machine, savagely detecting, searching the immediate vicinity for danger. Then she heard his malevolence whisper,
“You may hide, but, you will never escape, as long as there is blood in my veins and breath in my body I will find you my beauty, I will find you and I will kill you”
Momentarily, her senses arrested from the fresh wave of adrenalin. He was near, very near, his footsteps, told her he was uncertain... his steps nervously went to the left, then to the right. She knew he wasn’t sure about anything except his own fear, he was panic stricken. Her new luminous mind machine sensed a tidal wave of air from the left; a heavy steel knife hit her hard... he started to run, he ran like the wind.

Lying motionless Juliana’s breath came in quick painful jerks, her heart hammered, sore, swollen eyes now closed shut from the vicious assault. Seeing through tender slits was nigh-on-impossible, especially in the dark and right now being alone, was not what she wanted. Her focus, to escape but, only once she was sure he’d gone. Juliana lay quiet a little longer as she held on tightly to the heavy knife he’d thrown just before he scampered off like a wild animal.

Juliana wasn’t sure how long she’d lay in the deep, wet mud, but she knew it was time to make a move. From her photographic memory, all sorts of information had been retrieved. Slowly but surely, she realised what’d happened. Seeing the bigger picture made her realise it had definitely been an incident waiting to happen.

Juliana was a rising star, an up and coming dancer. A young lady going places and sadly you know what can sometimes happen to happy go lucky, carefree, spirited characters... unfortunately they can occasionally pick up insecure, loose cannons. At this terrible moment in time, Juliana became conscious that she’d fallen prey to a dangerous stalker.

Still weeping and shivering she commenced crawling, lifting her head a little at a time. She had no idea where she was, she was cold and the mist still hung low for as far as she was able to see which wasn't ar in the darkness...

Crawling in the clinging mud, her mind drifted off to earlier in the day... Juliana had been out for the evening for a friend’s birthday tea, a few drinks and an amazing time later she called a taxi. Juliana’s carefree smile washed over the taxi driver as she paid him. Then strolling the short distance towards her front door whilst at the same time she leisurely searched her handbag for the door key... beautiful Julianna completely unaware that there was an evil entity lurking in the shadows, waiting...waiting, to pounce.

Juliana didn’t stand a chance. He hit her over the head with his trusty rounder’s bat, expertly bundled her hurt and bleeding into the back of his dirty old van, her loose, lifeless body, bounced around as he drove at breakneck speed towards the dark, inviting countryside. His deed done, he’d show her... he’d warned her... several times, but they never listen!

His van raced at 100miles an hour, raced like his manic brain, when he heard her groan from the back.

Infuriated, he slammed to a stop, doused the lights and then shot to the back of the van, a pure black hatred in his eyes... surveying his position In a farmer’s field which was closely surrounded by forever rolling hills, he threw open the van doors dragging her viciously by the hair. No respect shown, he was all consumed by a dark red hatred of her for not giving him some special attention. He was going to make her pay...

He continued dragging her and as she woke from out of her unconsciousness, he savagely kicked out catching her eye. The pain red-hot seared through her head, blood spurted from her left eye, she screamed a high pitch terror-filled scream which caused him to stop, he dragged her to her feet punching her in the face, his hope, to knock her out... No room for screams, no room for noise, not even in this wide open wilderness.

His idea didn’t work she screamed again so, he knew he’d have to shut her up. Efficiently he drew the glinting, heavy, stainless steel blade from out of his jacket pocket, and then sickeningly he hit her with the full force of its thick mother of pearl handle, more blood oozed copiously, through beautiful blonde hair. Silence...

Sighing heavily, he commenced dragging her roughly across dirty wet grass. He visibly flinched as he caught sight of lights from another vehicle driving towards him or at least that’s what it looked like. He ran faster dragging her towards the bottom of the hill. She was heavy, so, he threw her lifeless body into the bracken as he ran towards his van. With lights off, he drove in the opposite direction from the oncoming vehicle.

By this time the mist was much thicker and swirled hard around everything it stroked.

Sometime later Juliana found herself stood upright. Hands frozen she frighteningly whimpered as she could not feel her feet. There was a rigid terror to her very core; standing like a poker she prayed he wouldn't return. She needed to get help but her handbag had gone. Looking around, she couldn’t see any lights, not even road lights.

To Be Continued...

Life is for Living...

This week I’ve had major dilemmas, important thoughts and the occasional idea. On more than one occasion I found myself concentrating long and hard about a saying I’d heard many times ‘Life is for living’ this week I discovered that to be very true ~ my weeks had many priorities and I’m relieved to report, I managed to accomplish everything I set out to do... even my beloved writing which, as you know these days it's a flippin miracle if I get the luxury of sitting down to tap, tap, tap away... However the good news with this long standing issue is that, I feel closer than ever to seeing my dream materialise.

Right where was I? Oh yes, ‘Life is for living’ throughout the week I clearly saw that if you present to the world as a happy, smiley person who loves everything and everybody, then feedback is immediate and overwhelmingly positive. If however you’re sad, down and not presenting as that happy little person who has the world at their feet then on more occasions than not, you’re on your own and unfortunately, you’ve simply got to get on with it... Long ago, I discovered it was easier to be the actress, pretend the world’s alright... bury your problems including sadness and yes, even loneliness because I realised if I was the me with issues, then I felt I wasn’t acceptable, I found myself pretending to be popular, the person who’d got the world at her feet... Of course it was usually play acting but throughout time, I realised if I pretended then sometimes even I believed.

I also discovered it wasn’t actually a bad thing to pretend, because more often than not I ended up helping to heal myself without making any demands on other individuals... who quite possibly had their own nightmares going on... This in turn helped me to help others as I ended up becoming quite a sensor for other people’s hidden hurts, I seemed to lock into their difficulties and sense their challenges... The miracle for me has been when helping others, it’s magically helped me and as well as being a huge learning curve I’ve also grown to understand why life really is for living.

We may go through life learning much. Each person seems to have their own fair share of challenges, good or bad. For my family and I the past two years have been particularly challenging. On reflection, if I thought the stuff I went through as a child was tough, then I had no real understanding of how hard it was going to get. I have also gratefully discovered how beautiful life can be and how simply wonderful it is to hold family and friends in ones heart and know always, it's your job to be the best you can be...

I always find myself saying, I’m not perfect, I’ve made mistakes, but, I’ve also learnt so much too which is thankfully ongoing. I have weaknesses, I have strengths, all of which are totally important and relevant to life experience.

Recently I described myself, as deep as the ocean and as high as the sky but always, always accessible. As I’ve become older, I know beyond any shadow of doubt, I’ve become wiser and with that knowledge, I feel a deep warmth which protectively wraps around all my senses, when those are protected, I feel secure and I know I can do so much...

Angel looks to her beautiful girls drawing them in close, she spreads her wings to wrap them in her profound, protective love and light...

Family, Friends & Freedom

Over the past few months I’ve had my own fair share of thoughts; it would appear that I’ve become one of life’s thinkers! It’s also well documented how much I love to write. I enjoy the freedom of words and thoughts, which one way or another ensure magically they come from the top of my head and on the odd occasion from behind my ribcage. Today I thought about a very special file I hold on my desktop... Its label clearly states ‘Inspirational pictures’ Since 2009 I have carefully collected beautiful pictures, mostly motivational, that I’ve occasionally stumbled across whilst researching articles.

Sometime ago I collected the picture above, I instinctively recognised that one day I’d want to use it just to get a special message across to family and friends... letting them know, I love them and to possibly say a big fat sorry if I’ve ever been a pain in the ass... It’s terribly important to acknowledge the fact and let people know you really are sorry if you’ve upset or ignored them or even just not seen their pain or suffering.

I know sometimes we can all get thoroughly consumed within our own lives, our own difficulties, that we somehow miss important signs, especially from family and friends who maybe not so great at stepping up and saying, “Hey this is happening to me”... “I’m not coping, I need you and I need your help” Instead regrettably, it can go unnoticed until something drastic happens and then it can be too little to late or, you do help but sadly it’s rushed. Being realistic, that unfortunately can be the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. However, it doesn’t mean you’re less of a friend, just means sometimes... you have you own stuff to contend with...

Me personally, I‘m one heck of a lucky lady... the internet, social networking websites and my forever disappearing mobile phone, has brought to me, a wealth of contact and communication... I think I would cease to be if I could not communicate. Sometimes just sometimes, I wonder whether I'm guilty of communicating too much and possibly waffling on a bit too long... but, hey that’s part and parcel of someone’s personality, if you’re in the company of family and friends then it’s absolutely A-ok!

So my dear bloggers, if you’re reading this and you’re in my family or you’re my friend, then I want you to know I don’t often say it but, I love you. If you’re a stranger reading this, then I sincerely hope you got something from my ramblings, because I always manage to get something meaningful from sharing them...

Angel turns to look where her last impatient thought went as she lazily stretches her wings high up towards the heavens...

At last I see the light...

I can hardly believe it’s been March since I last wrote anything... My life seems to have been taken up with so many things, some wonderful, some not so wonderful, but the biggest issue within all of that has been ‘TIME’...

Not having enough time to deal with life in general has been the biggest problem... I’ve opened a business, been blessed with a beautiful granddaughter, supported my family, planned our wedding and worked two full-time jobs. To be honest, there have been times when I thought... please god, send more hours ~ simply because, there’s just so much to do. Now, here we are!

Securely in June 2011 ~ I feel the pressure is off ... You all know I love to write, it’s a passion. For me it burns, heals and magically relieves and releases immeasurable thoughts with substantial ideas. Its thoughts which help me to focus on the here and now and very importantly, the future!

I’m right in saying that I’m an open individual but maybe, not as open as some of you may think... There are many things I’d like to talk about but, many things I won’t... For now at least, I’ll simply say, I’ve missed sharing words with you, expressing chosen sentiments within sentences and as my title above suggests... ‘I see bright light at the end of my tunnel’ I’m sure the message was ~ that for a while, I was needed elsewhere! The one thing I know for sure is that right now my job is far from over, but, I will juggle as I’ve done all my life to be where I must be and I purposefully know, I’ll stay true to all, especially myself.

During the past 2 years within the silence of my mind... I have begged, prayed, screamed, whispered, played, slept, cried, ached and leaned heavily on my thoughts. So, although not everything will be shared in this unpredictable future, I will somehow endeavour to portray my essence on the wings of my words. Anyway, who said I have to make perfect sense, Ha, I suspect in the past I have absolutely not! ;-)

It’s worth saying that I’m deeply thankful for any opportunity to share and care... I know with each and every beautiful and not so beautiful day, I will always try very hard to retain the humour, life and characteristic positivity which I so deeply want to represent in my world, especially when sharing it with you.

Angel gently shakes her wings, watching as tiny wisp like feathers drift off to where they need to go...

What Dreams May Come

Talk about good old curiosity and feel good factor... well that's what I experienced when I watched this small clip from what looks to be an amazing film. I was really surprised when I saw the 1998 release date... If like me you've never heard of it, I'm including a small synopsis from, Scott Huntsman the Movie Guru...

"Chris Neilson dies to find him-self in a heaven more amazing than he could have ever dreamed of. There is one thing missing: his wife. After he dies, his wife, Annie killed herself and went to hell. Chris decides to risk eternity in Hades for the small chance that he will be able to bring her back to heaven."

If you fancy it and manage to get a copy, let me know what you think!

The Maltese Chronicles Part 5...

Wednesday 1^st December 2010

Another bright, beautiful, breezy day... made for relaxing in the company of Angels. Five of us to be exact! You could say five sultry women on the crest of an adventurous wave...

This morning we’re meeting in the Health Spa. Should be good!! I couldn’t help but look forward to de-stressing in therapeutic waters; mineralised with unknown magic to help soothe tired, aching muscles which would hopefully caress sun drenched skin... sounds like pure heaven!

Forty five minutes later found the five of us sitting in a loose circle, bottoms placed firmly on bucket like seats which nestled upon shelves built into the pool of the Jacuzzi, these shelves buried beneath vicious bubbling water. Long haired Angels had their hair piled up high on top. Short haired Angels had wet theirs and swept it back giving them the wet look...

“So my friends, what shall we talk about today” Selina joked.

“Something disgustingly juicy” Samantha giggled.

“Well, if anyone knows Juicy, you do” Charlotte smiled sweetly.

“This isn’t entirely true” Samantha shot back as she looked in my direction.

Taken aback I raised my tone so she could hear it then sank deeper into the luxury of my bubbles.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I threw.

Four pairs of expectant eyes focused on me. Samantha laughed louder than necessary.

“Oh Carrie, I think you know exactly what I mean”

Four pairs of eyes burned brighter.

“I think your moving the focus from yourself to me, just, so you don’t have to start a conversation.”

Steam rising; I witnessed frustration bubble in Samantha's persona... Oh boy, did I know what buttons to press.

“Aha, so you would like me to start this juicy gossip session? Ok then here’s some juice for you, last night I didn’t sleep in my bed”

Samantha got the reaction she wanted.

Gasps of disbelief rose from the Jacuzzi like steam from a boiling kettle.

“No way Samantha, no way” I cried knowing she was faking it.

“Your fibbing, I saw you to your room myself”

“Yes and when you left I made a little late night call of my own to one sexy horny young man” with a look of pleasure etched on her damp face she added

“He was absolutely begging for it, I had no choice”

A silence descended with exception of noisy cascading bubbles, the place was as quiet as a church.

“Yeah, whatever, we believe her don’t we girls?” I laughed.

No response except for an overwhelming scent of lavender which completely invaded my senses.

“I actually believe her” whispered Miranda.

“Are you serious?” I spluttered.

“Yep” giggled Samantha.

“You’re outrageous Samantha Jones” I chided.

“Why am I? We’re all adults” Sam continued

“Never mind that, tell us the juicy bits” said Selina.

With the lavender getting stronger and the bubbles sounding louder Samantha began.

“Well, Mr Young Blood knocked on my door, I thought Carrie had forgotten something or maybe she was checking up on me” Sam stopped to bath her face in the over warm water.

“Go on, go on” pushed Charlotte.

“Anyway, imagine my surprise when my gorgeous Italian stallion stood tall outside my door, he leaned against the door frame, smiling – his arms crossed, then, he reached out to me and before I could help myself, he was kissing me passionately, I tell you girls I bloody swooned, then he pushed himself against me believe you me I knew what he wanted. Grabbing a dressing gown I shut my door and I allowed this gorgeous man to pull me towards his room”

Samantha went quiet... It was obvious she was back in time with her thoughts.

“Hey don’t stop there” shouted Miranda.

“Back in his room he took me through to the bathroom, candles shimmered, I knew then and there it was premeditated. He ran the bath taps pouring something wonderful and delicious into the rushing water. He was eager, but I wanted to take my time so, I shushed him. Without warning he pinned me up against the bathroom wall, dear god he was an amazing kisser.”

“Ha, yeah whatever, I think your full of baloney” I screeched laughing.

Ignoring me completely Samantha continued.

“We started slowly undressing each other, he lifted me naked, laying me down in the bath. Stepping in he knelt in-between my legs slowly lying on top of me, He placed a thousand kisses across every inch of my face, neck and body. I tell you ladies I was delirious, I wanted him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole damn life.

Again the faraway look of pure pleasure was visible for all to see.

“Right Samantha, I’m going to make sure you get a golden globe award for this”

I was wasting my time; Samantha was too wrapped up in her sensual adventure. I Looked around I could clearly see the others were too.

“He started to massage me – girls it was insane, 2.00am and I was in a young man’s bath, next, he stood up his body totally amazing, every muscle rippled and became emphasised by dripping water. Reaching down he pulled me up, then gently he pushed me into the wall, pressing his lips hard onto mine, he roughly pushed my arms up high above my head, grabbed my hands tighter stretching me out in a star sign shape – My heart beat a trio of drums, I knew the time was just right, I needed him, this is what I'd been waiting for. I grabbed him good and hard we became locked in a passionate kissing frenzy”

“Sa-man-tha” I butted in sharply.

“I cannot believe you left your room and went off with a guy you didn’t even know”

I huffed and puffed, stopping in my heated bubble water as I witnessed several other women moving in closer towards our Jacuzzi, but, alas it was too late... Samantha proceeded.

Eight pairs of eyes were on Samantha now... she was oblivious as she appeared to be on planet cuckoo.

“Go on Sam” Selina encouraged.

“He wrapped me in a fluffy hotel towel as he kissed and stroked me. He lifted me up and walked towards the bed – he lay besides me. I don’t mind saying I was tingling all over, I tell you this guy was electric. He pulled away my towel completely exposing me – my goose-bumps danced in his direction. I felt his heat, more kisses planted this time across my breasts, I grabbed him absolutely frantic then I heard an annoying persistent ring which got louder and louder”

“What was it?” Charlotte whispered.

“It was my bloody alarm clock!?!”

The realisation pounded within my chest as I realised, she’d been dreaming.

“OMG – you were dreaming, fan-bloody-tastic” I cried “Love it”

“Me too” declared Samantha stubbornly “Because now Carrie dearest, I know what I must do”

Lifting my eyes towards the heavens all I could do was I smile.

By now though everyone was laughing, Samantha had given us juice alright but, right then and there I knew she was determined to see her dream become a reality. The rest of the spa session was spent asking open questions, intimate questions about past lovers... the best, the worst, how many, each of us appeared greedy to find out more and more.

The conversation went from happy to sad from funny to lively... talk about bonding, we Angels bonded on a much deeper level. The energy from the space and spa, penetrated our thoughts whilst the water wrinkled our skin. Trust pushed within the group and the fun returned, even Samantha was laughing her heart out as she pushed herself out of the warm bubbling lavender water.

Drying ourselves, I looked over to the girls...

“Hey you guys, love ya lots” I winked.

“Ditto Carrie Brad-shaw, ditto" they squealed.

The rest of Wednesday was spent having fun times and dancing with the strictly come dancing team, who we decided needed to come home with us to England and although the team agreed, they further decided they'd much rather take us home with them, as England was having the worst weather in its history... with heavy snows that had apparently brought the country to a complete and utter standstill...

That evening when Mr Young Blood walked into the busy bar with his dippy mates, there wasn’t an Angel in the house who could look him in the face... except of course for our beautiful smutty Samantha Jones.

The Maltese Chronicle 2010 Part 4...

Tuesday 30/11/10...

Warm sunshiny days followed by super cool evenings found us wanting more and more. Each new day promised welcome experiences usually wrapped with mountainous volumes of laughter. Today though my brain screams ‘Retail Therapy’

Tuesday already! After breakfast we find ourselves at the hotels reception, luxurious spa treatments booked... Then it was time to Shop, shop, shop, till ya drop, drop, drop ... along the way we book our planned day trip to Gozo. Tuesday’s turning out to be a day of decisions and being super duper organised. Continuing on our shopping trip we giggle, tell jokes and talk about plans for the evening. After much discussion we wonder whether we should give the strictly come dancing team a miss. It’s unanimously decided that we’d go in search of different entertainment in the beautiful town of Sliema... Later that day, I was amazed to discover just how many disappointed faces there were when they realise, we’re going out and about for the evening.

As we glow from lots of sun, sea and relaxation we make our way to dine in one of the many extensive restaurants situated within the hotel. A beautiful evening meal followed lusciously with many glasses of magic juice, we trot off on our journey through the darkness in search of pastures new... Now if I tell you we walked for an hour and fifteen minutes without finding one single pub, you’d be forgiven for not believing me... loads of restaurants but, not one sound of music or laughter hits us as we roam through the beautiful old town. Off the beaten track at last we find one nestled on the corner, we also scarily observe a few dodgy looking people outside leaning against the old building, watching as we approach... talk about feeling uncomfortable. However, our shoes were pinching so in we went... the tiny pub held a huge, plasma TV. Approximately eight people stood around the tiny bar watching football. All eyes turn in our direction... there’s a hunger within their eyes, as if they’ve never seen a female before.

The barman bright and friendly politely asks,

“What can I get you ladies?”

Drinks ordered I hear Miranda whisper,

“If he touches me one more time, they’ll be trouble”

Needless to say we didn’t stay long...

I had to laugh as we left the rough establishment, because even though I know we’re totally lost, our shoes are killing us, we are god knows where in the dark... all of a sudden, the old fogies ball didn’t look quite so bad.

“Shall we get back and dance our butts off?” I announce brighter than I felt,

"Yes" came three very tired replies.

Landing back in the hotel, Friendly faces glow as yells and whistles went up. Toe-tapping music blares as we walk through those familiar double doors to the warm welcome of the bar... If truth be known, It definitely feels like we've come home.

“I thought you were out to venture to livelier places” Selina grins,

“Let’s just say we couldn’t find any decent pubs” I winked.

“Great stuff” smiles Selina.

“Who’s the captain?” I nod towards a small, white-haired guy who fast approaches.

“Oh this is Charlie, I’ll introduce you”

“Charlie this is Carrie Brad-Shaw, she’s a writer”

Charlie took my hand eagerly, kissed it gently... as he did, I felt myself spin strangely back through time. My senses told me as a young man Charlie was in the RAF, I could see him so clearly as he stood so proud, so very handsome; tears prick my eyes because, I know he’s one of the good guys.

“Hello Charlie, so pleased to meet you” I beam.

Wow I thought, a real English gentleman... I later discover, Charlie is a fabulous 90years young. For the rest of the week, Charlie takes to joining us whenever he can.

It was on this evening we confirmed to friends, that we’d decided to hold a fancy dress party on Friday, our last night... the news spread through the bar pretty fast.

“Yes” I confirm for the umpteenth time, “We’ll all be wearing outfits, each outfit will hopefully make you smile”

Still deep in conversation about the forthcoming Fancy dress night, who should walk in? Yep, you guessed it, Mr Young-Blood and his mates. The chemistry so visible... I watch with wonder as the little blue bolts of lightning fly between Samantha and her stud.

In the last chronicle if you remember, I said ‘we’d be in trouble’ the comment was said with a sort of tongue in cheek attitude... If you knew Samantha, you’d know, she was more than capable of looking after all of us put together, but it was our opinion, not with a bottle and half of wine inside her.

I’m sure you will understand when I tell you, my actions were of a protective friend... after her discreet disappearance my protective senses are alerted. I decide to search the vicinity, just to make sure she's ok... at the same time, I felt a little upset that she’d not disclosed she was going. On the gorgeous terrace which is totally surrounded florally, by potted palm trees and exotic flowers, a vivid colourful display which genuinely took your breath away. I scan the perimeter but, see nothing, apart from the shimmer of the sea, lit so romantically by a gigantic silver moon. Pausing just for a second, I wonder warmly if my own Mr Big is missing me.

Giggles alert me. From within the darkness of a shadowy doorway I hear the unmistakeable sound of sloppy kisses mixed with heavy breathing. From out of the dark doorway, I see Samantha’s bright red shoe, confirming it was definitely her. Smiling, I sit down quietly, cross my arms and wait. Samantha and her young man are engulfed in the throes of passion. Eventually they fall into the light, it’s then Mr Young-Blood jumps in surprise...I witness his overwhelming embarrassment, he makes a quick exit.

Samantha also surprised by my presence asks a little to sharply,

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m looking out for my friend” I state firmly.

“I’m doing ok thank you very much, or I was”

“I can see that, I’m making sure you stay that way”

With hands firmly on her hips she stamps her foot and hiccup’s.

“Your cramping my style Carrie, cramping it big-time, I was doing ok then”

“You’ll thank me tomorrow”

With that sentence hanging in the air between us Samantha stomps off to the bar like a two year old.

Back with the girls and feeling much more relaxed I order more drinks. Looking around, Mr. Youngblood and his mates had thankfully disappeared.

Samantha didn’t scowl for long, five minutes later we were dancing with our Jerry’s.

I hear Samantha giggle and watch as she seeks-out her next victim.

Maltese Chronicles 2010 Part 3...

The busyness of life and its commitments very often dictates the availability one has to do the things they particularly enjoy... working full time and trying to find any time to write for me is usually a chore, this is the reason I’m working on a solution. Although I’m not a well renowned author who’s wrote a vast array of books, I know deeply that I don’t get any less happiness, from writing the bits that I do get time for... Would be nice though to sit each morning knowing I have the luxury of time to write those hidden gems that hide within the creative side of my brain.... So without further ado, I’ll proceed with hopefully another interesting chronicle about 4 ladies let loose to discover their own journey which they willingly share. This is based on a true story of fact, fiction and fantasy. As usual real names hidden, but personally visualised on four females from the well known, much loved ‘Sex in the city’ saga. Carrie Bradshaw... Samantha Jones... Miranda Hobbs... Charlotte York also starring the added 5^th Angel ‘Selina’

Monday 29^th November 2010.

Another glorious sunny day... rays of white, warm, sunshine penetrate enormous dining room windows. The four of us hurry through into the dining room. The savoury smell from breakfast invades the senses. We hear a hundred happy shouts of ‘good morning girls’ which makes us smile more. After a hearty breakfast, infused with further chatter around our breakfast table, we decide unanimously to explore surroundings. Our departure from the dining room was not dissimilar to our entrance we knew the jerry’s (geriatrics) loved us and in a rather strange turn of events, we were beginning to love them too... much to Samantha’s surprised disbelief.

Walking through the busy little town of Sliema with its ancient buildings mixed with modern architecture, I was not alone in noticing the traffic was mad, mad, mad... Driving in Malta, one could see you needed nerves of steel. I wasn’t actually sure how anyone could drive at all with all the beautiful breathtaking views around. The people on the streets were friendly albeit in an aloof kind of way, if that’s possible. Several hours later on our way back to the hotel, we decided to stop for lunch... now I have to admit this wasn’t the best eating place we’d seen but we decided to stop, sit and order. It was whilst we were waiting for much needed drinks we howled with laughter. I’d noticed during our few days together, it seemed that we’d started to christen everyone on our travels with look a-like names and corresponding personalities... Our latest victim was the owner who’d taken our orders... ‘Cruella deville’... Our meals came. The shock must have been obvious on all our faces as we stared down at what had been put in front of us... I stammered asking for sauces, without a sound Cruella left and returned with the worst looking sauce bottles I ‘d ever seen in my life... I can honestly say, I think that’s the only time I’ve known my girls and I to be stunned into silence. It was Samantha who broke the stillness by stating categorically, neither of us would return to E-Coli Cafe ever again... I further quipped in I think her sauce bottles need to be retrieved and immediately examined by the Maltese equivalent of environmental health. I tell you this, even the disappointment of our meal didn’t stop us from laughing and it was then we realised we should have taken the hint, an empty cafe with a member of staff like Cruella should really have spoken volumes.

Despite our dodgy trip to E-Coli Cafe, Monday turned out to be another wonderful day, we sunbathed the afternoon way, reading our books and magazines... returning to our individual boudoirs to glam up for another night with our Jerry’s. It was a great evening at the old fogies ball, with more friends met and made and together we hilariously shook our butts off... we shook, we rattled and we rolled.

I’d noticed an elderly lady sitting quite close to the stage, her feet tapping to the beat of the music when Samantha a bit too eagerly, strutted her stuff a little too close to the old lady almost dancing clumsily onto her feet, when the lady briskly pushed her away, asking her to be careful as she’d had an operation on her foot... Samantha apologised sheepishly, moving away just as another new beat started up, without further ado the old dear jumped up from her chair and danced at a pace I would have associated with someone half her age, Samantha thinking the lady wanted to dance with her put her hand out, only to be brushed away and danced around...

Samantha’s exasperated, lifted her eyes towards the heavens,

“Bloody hell her foot soon healed” and she strode off to the bar.

On reflection I believe as a group we also learned something from our new friends... The strictly come dancing team were made up of many people all ages (mostly retired) they were also from all over the world and had their own individual identifiable characters... we noticed some smiled when they danced and other looked like they were made of stone, others appeared frozen in time. Many were married and still retained that magic witnessed throughout time. We girls were mesmerised but, however much we enjoyed our time with our Jerry’s, we realised it was time we went out into the locality and search for other places of entertainment.

We were just buying another round when a group of guys walked in I smiled mentally as I watched Samantha go into man alert mode... her whole persona changed as she singled out her target... he walked past her smiled and stopped... my own antennas alerted to protector switched to search, scan and locate possible specific idiots... I eyeballed Charlotte, Miranda and Selina... they all visually materialised from the shadows, as if we were connected to some amazing hidden communicator. With eye movements of the most discreet kind, I was able to gather the girls so we could keep an eye on Samantha and the young man she was talking to.

My god she was well into her role and flirting perfectly, despite his height he must have been 6ft 3” I could see she was managing to maintain eye contact, little touches on his arm, staring up at his face as if he was the only guy in the world... licking her lips as his mates smiled and left to go to the bar, it was then I realised she was doing an awful lot of arm movements and over acting... I approached with caution, he smiled, and I asked if she was ok.

“Oh yes, I’m great” she said sarcastically.

“What is it?” I said confused.

“It’s him; this, this gorgeous creature, can’t bloody speak a word of English”

I looked at him then looked at her, my smile widened as I realised... Aha if they can’t communicate she won’t be getting into any trouble... I would later eat those words!!!

“Ok Samantha come on, let’s go and join the girls” I offered.

“Yes, ok two seconds”

I walked over to the bar to join the girls and told them immediately of Samantha’s plight.

I have to say as we continued to watch it didn’t stop her from attempting to communicate and when she knew she was wasting her time she still didn’t give up; she went over to his friends and asked them to interpret, but sadly, their English was almost as bad as his...so you can imagine, we had a brilliant time watching her try her best at finding a solution to her problem.

Eventually the new guys left and despite the lack of understanding between the tall young man and Samantha, it was evident chemistry was pulsating between them. Going through the double doors from the bar he turned... I watched and witnessed an electric current flash between them... In slow motion Samantha turned to look at me; it was then and there I knew... OMG, we’re in big trouble.