Life is for Living...

This week I’ve had major dilemmas, important thoughts and the occasional idea. On more than one occasion I found myself concentrating long and hard about a saying I’d heard many times ‘Life is for living’ this week I discovered that to be very true ~ my weeks had many priorities and I’m relieved to report, I managed to accomplish everything I set out to do... even my beloved writing which, as you know these days it's a flippin miracle if I get the luxury of sitting down to tap, tap, tap away... However the good news with this long standing issue is that, I feel closer than ever to seeing my dream materialise.

Right where was I? Oh yes, ‘Life is for living’ throughout the week I clearly saw that if you present to the world as a happy, smiley person who loves everything and everybody, then feedback is immediate and overwhelmingly positive. If however you’re sad, down and not presenting as that happy little person who has the world at their feet then on more occasions than not, you’re on your own and unfortunately, you’ve simply got to get on with it... Long ago, I discovered it was easier to be the actress, pretend the world’s alright... bury your problems including sadness and yes, even loneliness because I realised if I was the me with issues, then I felt I wasn’t acceptable, I found myself pretending to be popular, the person who’d got the world at her feet... Of course it was usually play acting but throughout time, I realised if I pretended then sometimes even I believed.

I also discovered it wasn’t actually a bad thing to pretend, because more often than not I ended up helping to heal myself without making any demands on other individuals... who quite possibly had their own nightmares going on... This in turn helped me to help others as I ended up becoming quite a sensor for other people’s hidden hurts, I seemed to lock into their difficulties and sense their challenges... The miracle for me has been when helping others, it’s magically helped me and as well as being a huge learning curve I’ve also grown to understand why life really is for living.

We may go through life learning much. Each person seems to have their own fair share of challenges, good or bad. For my family and I the past two years have been particularly challenging. On reflection, if I thought the stuff I went through as a child was tough, then I had no real understanding of how hard it was going to get. I have also gratefully discovered how beautiful life can be and how simply wonderful it is to hold family and friends in ones heart and know always, it's your job to be the best you can be...

I always find myself saying, I’m not perfect, I’ve made mistakes, but, I’ve also learnt so much too which is thankfully ongoing. I have weaknesses, I have strengths, all of which are totally important and relevant to life experience.

Recently I described myself, as deep as the ocean and as high as the sky but always, always accessible. As I’ve become older, I know beyond any shadow of doubt, I’ve become wiser and with that knowledge, I feel a deep warmth which protectively wraps around all my senses, when those are protected, I feel secure and I know I can do so much...

Angel looks to her beautiful girls drawing them in close, she spreads her wings to wrap them in her profound, protective love and light...

Family, Friends & Freedom

Over the past few months I’ve had my own fair share of thoughts; it would appear that I’ve become one of life’s thinkers! It’s also well documented how much I love to write. I enjoy the freedom of words and thoughts, which one way or another ensure magically they come from the top of my head and on the odd occasion from behind my ribcage. Today I thought about a very special file I hold on my desktop... Its label clearly states ‘Inspirational pictures’ Since 2009 I have carefully collected beautiful pictures, mostly motivational, that I’ve occasionally stumbled across whilst researching articles.

Sometime ago I collected the picture above, I instinctively recognised that one day I’d want to use it just to get a special message across to family and friends... letting them know, I love them and to possibly say a big fat sorry if I’ve ever been a pain in the ass... It’s terribly important to acknowledge the fact and let people know you really are sorry if you’ve upset or ignored them or even just not seen their pain or suffering.

I know sometimes we can all get thoroughly consumed within our own lives, our own difficulties, that we somehow miss important signs, especially from family and friends who maybe not so great at stepping up and saying, “Hey this is happening to me”... “I’m not coping, I need you and I need your help” Instead regrettably, it can go unnoticed until something drastic happens and then it can be too little to late or, you do help but sadly it’s rushed. Being realistic, that unfortunately can be the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. However, it doesn’t mean you’re less of a friend, just means sometimes... you have you own stuff to contend with...

Me personally, I‘m one heck of a lucky lady... the internet, social networking websites and my forever disappearing mobile phone, has brought to me, a wealth of contact and communication... I think I would cease to be if I could not communicate. Sometimes just sometimes, I wonder whether I'm guilty of communicating too much and possibly waffling on a bit too long... but, hey that’s part and parcel of someone’s personality, if you’re in the company of family and friends then it’s absolutely A-ok!

So my dear bloggers, if you’re reading this and you’re in my family or you’re my friend, then I want you to know I don’t often say it but, I love you. If you’re a stranger reading this, then I sincerely hope you got something from my ramblings, because I always manage to get something meaningful from sharing them...

Angel turns to look where her last impatient thought went as she lazily stretches her wings high up towards the heavens...

What's happening in your life?

This week I'm dedicating my blog to a group I belong to called ‘Warrior Sisters’ Recently I nervously shared something personal with the group and the only way I can describe their response to my disclosure was that one by one they automatically engulfed me in love and acceptance as well as the brightest fiercest light that I could feel as it embraced me within it's healing energy. It came at the right time and I’m glad to say I’m still feeling it today. I’ll never forget their warm loving reaction, my constant hope is that I’ll always be there for them, should they ever need me.

Oh how I love to write about happenings in life, past, present and future... Sharing and caring about life, love, living, laughing and crying, experiences we live each and every day.

On occasion I’ve found a simple experience will bring from within a huge rush of feelings which follows in opening up new and old memories, incorporating wonderful familiar faces. Usually it's people who’ve been in my life and meant something special, but for whatever reason are no longer with me treading life’s extraordinary path.

It happened this morning (Fri) on my way into work... driving the 40min journey, whilst listening to tunes a memorable song blasted out and hey presto... I shivered as I felt myself pulled in another time warp. I became bombarded with good, bad, sad and happy recollections and just because of one silly song on a rainy work day morning. Recognisable faces floated before me, I realised as painful as some memories can be I was glad I’d known all of these individuals... at the same time I sensed profound sadness because unfortunately they were no longer in my life.

In addition, I knew it was about time I stopped beating myself up about things, since I felt I was not there for some people and if I’m honest I became conscious long ago about that very sad fact and I suppose the big burning question is... who was there for me? I appreciate that question doesn't right a wrong. I just comprehend; one cannot keep beating them-selves up forever. My strong sense of fair-play, shouts at me, responsibility should be shared equally as I also know only to well that this wouldn’t ever sit right with some people. I’m just clear in the bigger scheme of things, when we close our eyes for that last and final time, all of this won’t even matter.

It’s not all gloomy doom, I also managed a smile especially when I thought of others... happy, beautiful memories, happy times. There are a couple of people who were once in my life, whose impact on me was phenomenal ... they will always be that warm embrace you feel when you remember something beautifully gorgeous... but, sometimes as we all instinctively know, it’s better not to maintain friendships, given the moving on syndrome... however, nothing or no one can ever take away precious memories recalled with clarity. This brings some well-known words to mind...

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

Just to confirm, they were all meant to be... with love and acceptance we've all moved on.

As some of you know this has been a particularly hard year for my family and I. Unfortunately the affects are not over but I’m still able to feel joyfully happy in sharing with you that the brightest light in my darkest tunnel is that my beautiful girl, is having a baby... I’m going to be a grandmother, a responsibility I’ll take seriously. All the living and learning I’ve accomplished in my life is going to be put to very good use, as I’ve already done with my own beautiful girl.

I experienced a significant dream, I feel I’ve already magically met my grandchild, I know the baby’s gender and something noteworthy and unusual happens in the labour room. But, for now I want to hang on to that information and share another time. I will say this if my dream is to be believed, I have witnessed the baby’s birth, held and met the bluest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. So if my life proceeds as I wish, I know I’ll be a big part of my grandchild’s future.

Despite negatives in life I’m gloriously thankful; I have somehow managed not to lose the absolute ability to appreciate life, and love with people in this wondrous world we inhabit.

Signed, sealed and kissed by AngelJane

Moonlight Maddie...

Here is my gorgeous English Cocker Spaniel Maddie... her very official title ‘Moonlight Maddie’

Maddie is two years old and full of fun... Extremely inquisitive, very much a people’s dog who just happens to love every canine she greets. In a previous write up, I called her my ‘stalker’ and let me tell you that still stands. I simply cannot move without her. No matter how many times I tell her to stay, just so I can go about the house doing chores... I have to be really careful, because I know I’ll turn and she’ll be there with that loving gaze and wagging tail telling me clearly, she just wants to be near me.

When we take her for a walks either local, woods, beach etc... It doesn’t seem to matter how long we walk because regardless of the time limit she never stops for breath, she’s quick and very gentle. I’m convinced Mads was born with an instinct around children and the elderly... She’s not often in contact with babies but when she has been, I’ve noticed a calmer more thoughtful Maddie as she very carefully checks them out...

The above picture is recent. I thought it would be nice to show those interested because she really is a gorgeous dog and it feels good writing about my deep appreciation for her.

I’ve always believed there would never be a suitable dog out there for me as I’m quite nervous around dogs and have never completely gelled with one before... I know I never gave up hope. I’m positive Maddie was sent to reassure me that it’s totally possible for someone frightened and anxious around dogs to actually grow to love one!

We are so lucky to have her... she sleeps all night long, safely on the landing in her own bed. She doesn't seem to mind spending long periods of time alone whilst we work... She has the bladder of an elephant because at times I can't quite believe how long she can go whilst she patiently waits for our return. A wonderful, wonderful dog!

Time Is My Enemy...

I've reached a conclusion and clearly realise time is my No.1 enemy. Never have I felt it more so than right this very minute!!!

Time is described as an essential part of the measuring system... My own personal interest in time is simple, the older I become the quicker it seems to go... working full time doesn’t help, just simply serves to constantly remind me that at the end of the day any time left over is precious and usually claimed by family commitments. Leaving very little time for me to follow my many dreams...

It’s generally well known as well as time being socially important, it also has a personal value to individuals and can be related to ‘time is money’ as well as each and every one of us knowing there is limited personal time in each and every day, it also confirms that within every one of the many different lives, time confirms we all have a life span... whatever that may be!

My small gripe this weekend is that throughout most of last week, my thoughts were this; I don’t always have time for the luxury of my love of writing... It always has to take a back seat to accommodate other stuff. During the past twelve months I’ve heard an awful lot about visualisation... If you’ve never heard of this then you should know there are different forms of visualisation. The form I refer to is ‘Creative visualisation’ a mental technique that uses the imagination to help make dreams come true. Some people believe it is a power that can cause events to happen... attracting money, power, people and love into our lives. I believe it’s a process similar to daydreaming... there is no magic involved and no one gets hurt it’s something you visualise for a few minutes each day by concentrating on your goal, by seeing what you want, you encourage that particular event to happen.

According to available information for research, experts reckon there are people who use the technique naturally in their everyday life. It’s believed all successful people use it consciously or unconsciously, by visualizing their goals as already accomplished.

Maybe I should start doing this, visualising my dreams and goals... why not It can’t hurt, can it?

Friendship........

Ideas are coming thick and fast but I don’t want to waffle so, I’ve decided to choose an appropriate theme Friendship to compliment last week’s Happiness thoughts......

First let me share something with you... A long, long time ago I was sat in the back of a car... I was feeling in total utter despair of being in the land of the living. I was darkly wondering what the hell was it all about... when the driver became stuck in traffic, which made me slowly look up... The sight that greeted my eyes made tears form and slide down my cheeks...

A young priest was waiting to cross the road but instead he was looking at me, our eyes locked and he smiled... it was the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in the whole of my life... In that very moment I felt as if he knew my thoughts, my life and my loneliness. I felt he cared, I also knew he was telling me, it’s all going to work out and you'll be ok.. I later recalled he had the chance to cross the road but he never took it instead he continued to smile that glorious smile. As we drove on I managed to smile out of courtesy but I knew there and then I would never ever forget his face.

My message is this... his smile came to me just in the nick of time, it also taught me a smile cost nothing to give...I bet on a daily basis you’ve smiled readily and countless times at other people... I think it helps to know sometimes that smile probably makes all the difference. I often wish I could meet the priest again to simply thank him.

Again I’m dedicating this week’s blog to a very special couple who mean the world to me they epitomise the meaning behind this weeks theme... I know along with my family members & friends they will always be there for me no matter what. The reassuring comfort that brings is indescribable.

My dedication this week is to all my lovely mates, not sure where I would be without you all.... but especially to J & F the song I hear which always reminds me of you is... Lionel Ritchie ‘Paradise’ listen to it together... It's one of my most favourite songs in the world...

I had a lovely start to the week with a very good friend giving me a surprise gift. I was delighted as she handed me a beautiful pack of cards ‘Angelic wishes’ Oracle cards by Daisy Foss (Author) and Laraine Krantz (Photographer)... available from www.daisycentres.com & www.angelawakening.com They also hold the Glastonbury Laughter Club every Monday evening 7pm until 9pm at the Daisy Centres Angelic Retreat, Glastonbury, Somerset. So if you’re fortunate enough to live in that wonderful vicinity please go along, you will be made very welcome... we all know a good laugh releases all those pent up ready to explode ‘feel good chemicals’ which flood our body when humour is expressed..... Wish I lived closer Daisy; I would be there with an army of beautiful people!

Eager to see the cards I impatiently opened the pack wanting quickly to see the quotes of inspiration and pictures of my favourite subjects. Quickly shuffling through the cards I became aware that I physically and mentally started to calm, allowing me to read the cards properly... I took in the joyful inspirational information. Initially I felt I’d probably opened the cards at the wrong moment as I was in work and reeling from thoughts of a busy week ahead and silently stressing about the amount of work on my agenda. After becoming aware of the calm that was surrounding me I welcomed it. I decided to take my time and do as the pack recommends... granting myself as many wishes as I wanted so I picked out three wishes.

The 1st wish of life for others... Feeling comfortable I read it several time over... “An open heart, spreading love and healing to all” I felt this was something I always tried to do.

The 2nd wish creation for the world... I really liked the thought behind this wish “Let peace and love prevail around the world”

The 3rd wish of love for myself... “I dance to my own tune, I make a positive influence in the world” I know without a shadow this is what my thoughts and blog are all about.... I continued for a few minutes with those positive thoughts and I backed this up by my own mantra which enabled me to concentrate.... I knew by taking those few minutes out of the day, it totally helped to ground me, making me feel less stressed and ready to go.

My thoughts on friendship have flowed fluently which in turn have helped me to focus on my theme, a theme that’s always been important. On a personal level I really don’t know where I would have been without family and friends and their unconditional love, enveloped by their wonderful friendship. I know I’m a very lucky lady! Some of you will know this has not always been the case but today I rejoice in all the affectionate warmth and endless love I blissfully find myself surrounded by... The important thing to remember here though is it’s very much a two Way Street... I always try to ensure I’m around for family and friends and to be honest even strangers.... I like people, I like differences tinged in uniqueness. If I can I like to help; I know from experience it definitely makes a difference... that difference means the whole world when it’s received.

I also like making new friends. Places like networking sites... i.e. face book, where you can safely virtually meet new and interesting people... People you wouldn’t normally come into contact with... It totally brightens my day.

There are lots of quotes and numerous movies based on friendship... My all time favourite Movie and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend you watch it, that’s if you’ve not already... (Keep them hankies handy though) Is “Beaches” starring the one and only Bette Midler.

My top quote for friendship is “it’s not what you say or even what u do that people will remember, it’s how you make them feel”... I’m also aware, Mother Theresa is famous for her profound thoughts so when I read that she wisely quoted “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” I couldn’t help feeling I would dearly loved to have met this lady...

I have always thought the following quote too... “Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead, Do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead... Anna Cummins.

I have sometimes questioned if the people I meet wonder if I’m for real... as I truly believe in being myself... I don’t have problems being open, loving and genuine. I would rather be like that then how I use to be, once up on a long time ago.... If you’re in my life and you’re my friend I will always tell you how I feel including how I perceive you... l sometimes wonder if people may be thinking I’m over familiar, but I hold my hands up, I can’t help it... I feel it’s tremendously important to help a person feel welcome, at ease and comfortable.... I know also most people say they feel like they’ve known me for years... when that happen an orchestra sounds off in my heart, and once again I know I’ve happily made a person feel relaxed.

Sincerely I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this week’s article just as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it... Thank you so much for stopping by till next time, Warm smiles with Angel hugs. xxxx

Heal the past..Live the present..Dream the future...

My thoughts this week are running very much along the lines of what ifs, why’s and wherefores and what you might do about it...but only if you so wish!

I believe especially if we are predisposed to stubbornness we will persistently become unwaveringly transfixed, in our own perception of any given facts whilst we traipse along the pathways of experiencing life; we become inclined to believe we are right, everyone else is wrong. We know best, everyone else knows nothing. We’re not budging, because we've been hurt the most and it’s always everybody else's fault etc. In a heartbeat it can become all blown out of all proportion, very often selfishly developing into Me...Me... Me...

I’ve lived long enough to know this kind of hypnotic thinking can and will ruin lives... It often holds the human race in a spell binding, riveting spot...which then becomes terribly hard to step out from because as we all know and heaven forbid... that’s like admitting we’re wrong.

Through my own life’s experiences, I’ve discovered certain sentences and their meanings have impacted on my thoughts, subsequently having a huge influence on my life. Which brings me back to the.... Questions... The what if’s... The why‘s... and wherefore’s..... If you see a word or you read a sentence, think about it... hopefully it will enable your own thought process to search out the answer....I have faith and I believe that each and every person magically holds within them the answers to all their troubles and sometimes it can just be a matter of simply not being so intractable. For instance if you discover any of the sentences below apply to your own existence how would it make you feel and what could you do about it...

What would you do, if through your own stubborn stupidity you lost all your family and friends? What would you think if you discovered it was because of your individual character? Then you were reliably informed, it was your difficult persona which made it impossible for anyone to get close or through to you and that maybe you’re needy, blameless, self-righteous personality with its self destruct mode was too much for family members to bear.

What would you think if you could predict & repair yours as well as everyone else’s future? And you plainly saw the only way through for all those concerned... was that YOU had to take a deep breath and forgive everyone everything... I cringe because I hear you laugh... but wait, think about it... don’t you truly believe losing your family and friends is not worth winning the argument... that it’s imperative to agree to disagree. Don’t you also agree it’s important to make peace with your past, so it won’t screw up your future?

What if you suddenly understood that life’s too short to waste by hating anyone, and then as if in a vision you see all the negative time you spend name-calling certain individuals could quite possible be your own down fall... Why? Because that nasty behaviour ends up isolating you from others, in the end they don’t actually see you as a person they just hear your horrible thoughts expressed via your abhorrence... they very quickly lose trust in you because after all you’re not trustworthy, especially when you can talk behind other family members and friends backs.... Hopefully, I pray you will recognize quite clearly Karma is circular... So please don’t forget, put that jealous envy away. Stop showing the mirror two sides to your face. Cleanse yourself. Be genuine, open your heart and be kind. Take care of others. After all... that’s how you want others to treat you and your children... Don’t you? And whatever you do try not to be so conceited that you perceive you know everybody’s thoughts and feelings... I have always found it highly offensive to be told how I feel and how I should act!!!

I’m honest enough to share right now... I have not always been mindful of these things, thankfully for me wisdom came with age. I'm sure if anyone made an honest comment on the subject, I’m convinced they would wish they'd not made quite so many mistakes. I find the wisdom I hold in my heart has in the past often been wished for, I’m quite sure less mistakes would have been tripped over.... But we all know life doesn’t work like that hence the mistakes, the lessons and the acquired knowledge.... manifesting wisdom.... the trick is to bring the magic from those lessons learned into one’s life and share willingly...

Just like you I also know life isn’t fair even so it’s still good. I have often found it helps and is more healing to cry with someone rather than cry alone... it’s also my belief that it’s ok to let your children see u cry. You also know don’t you, there is no one but you, in charge of your own happiness... Be mindful of this when you recall that your children only have one childhood. Don’t compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about. Just try to remember however bad or good a situation is, it will change... and I know that time heals almost everything... I say rather loudly GIVE TIME, TIME...

I personally believe it’s never too late to have a happy childhood; that 2nd attempt can be fabulous because having control puts you in a good position enablng those around you to enjoy the experience as well.... Do yourself a favour though, let your imagination aid you in remembering what it was like to be a child...? Recollect how you believed in miracles. Try to get outside every day, miracles are waiting to happen, so no matter how you feel get up, dress up and show up.

What would you do if you were told your fate was in your own hands? What would you do if that fate was manageable despite what you originally thought? Let me tell you in the gentlest way... Life is definitely not tied up with a bow but please remember it’s still a beautiful gift... In the end my friend I won’t lie to you, I have discovered it all helps enormously if you’re truly loved... for some reason things seem easier... I should know, I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum ... but for each and every one of us despite everything I believe the best is yet to come.

We all have choices, we all make thoughts... thoughts become things, all you have to do is choose the good ones... because as we all know this is not a dress rehearsal, this is it! What you and I do in this life we leave behind... so it's very important for everyone, especially family and friends that they know unequivocally, without a shade of doubt... we were genuine and they were loved, wanted and needed....

Well my friends I sincerely hope your thinking caps are on and blinking, causing some serious thoughts even helping you reconsider old issues that happily might not be as out of reach as you maybe once thought.... If it is too late, sadly sometimes it is.... all you have to do is learn from the lesson, making sure it doesn’t happen again...

Till next time.... :) xxx

Happy New Year 2010.......

Earlier this week I happily rubbed my hands together thinking it’s almost New Year. I couldn’t believe how much I was looking forward to it...

This has been a mad year; nevertheless it’s been a good year apart from May-June & July when my family and I, had to come to terms with a sad piece of news. I won’t hash over it now.... All families have ups and downs to contend with.... But listen, that’s when you know your part of a family and thankfully it doesn’t matter how big or small your family is... it’s when you get on the down side of life, you all suddenly pull together and in supporting one another, the burden becomes so much easier to bear. If you’re out there and you have no family, please let me share this with you... I don’t have a large family unit... over the years my friends have become my family, so just remember, family does not necessarily have to be blood related.

Personally, I have found being positive a real boost in life... It’s got me through some really tough times... I know it’s hard when you’re feeling down and the depression is kicking in. What you have to try hard to focus on and consciously remember is... the lower you sink into your black hole of doom, the harder it is to climb up. There are so many positive things in life that once the vision is clear and you’re able to think straight... you just have to concentrate on those positives, really think about them no matter how trivial they may seem... Slowly my friend, it will become clear to you the only way out, is up...

For me I think most of my positive vibes became stronger once I discovered I truly belonged... In finding that elusive happiness which I had long searched for, I discovered my self confidence grew and I seriously felt there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do for myself or my family and friends....

So here it is.... Here’s my warm, wonderful, wish for all my readers for The New Year 2010.... Keep Positive, stay focused, if you feel like you don’t belong, then help someone else to belong; I have found the payback from helping someone else, is treble the initial outlay ... Keep plenty of laughter in your life even when you don’t feel like smiling.... your smile will brighten someone else’s day and that in itself is a tonic...

So Happy New Year to one and all. I sincerely hope each and every one of you triumphs in whatever you do.

Angel, will see you next year... where she has no doubt she will continue unreservedly, sharing her life, love, laughter, tears and importantly her perceptions on life. :) xxx

Live..Love..Laugh..Listen & Learn..

I have loved the past week with its merry go round of activities and the fresh burning ideas I hold securely in my possession whilst going about my daily life...

My blessings this week so incredibly different from the week before, with me feeling like I was at deaths door... awaiting my turn for a possible visit from the great man himself. Very dramatic I hear you mumble... No not at all, just rather darkly lucid!

Those differences in the past two weeks have allowed me to feel the complete joy of being able to work, love, live, laugh, learn and listen.... All the (L) words have been very significant in my life this week... and each word I felt deeply and understood more so then at any other time. I think it takes a good bout of feeling poorly, bed ridden and incapacitated with a touch of feeling sorry for one-self... to realise, when you’re well, that feeling is absolutely beyond description as the latter was so utterly awful. Sorry to drone on.... but I wanted you to feel my words in pictures....

This week found me loving time in work... I watched magically from a distance, whilst I observed myself dealing with the back-log. I also found being able to multi-task to a degree where I was doing the job, planning the next piece of work in advance and arranging different styles of strategies to be used in the future. I presumed much later that my brain had very much rested from my previous stint in bed. It made me feel much more alive. I felt the glitter and sparkle from the whole of my being miraculously return. Strangely enough....this helped me laugh more. I have found recently... you laugh and the world laughs with you. Bit of a cliché but Oh sooooo true.

I learned earlier this week I’m more then capable of calling a spade a spade. I recently discovered an important inner part of me that totally understands beyond all reasonable doubt that sadly some people dwelling on this planet, although they have the potential to be loving & caring with close and immediate family members, they don’t have the capacity to be realistic or understand that some people outside the circle can not and will not go on forever putting up with garbage from days gone by.... There would have been a time for a possible fix to the problem but sadly that time has disappeared... Just for clarification, I‘m the person outside that circle and I have total understanding of that imperative fact... It’s very sad but for everyone there is a cut off point, mine has been reached which to be absolutely honest with you totally goes against my grain, because I know in my innermost soul I have never, ever given up on anything or anybody... I never have and I never want to again... In this instance, I know the human being I refer to will wholeheartedly agree with me.

It’s so good we all have the capacity to listen... I can not over empathise enough about this vital skill. Listening is so important, it enables us all to offer help... provide support... empower individuals and learn what matters most.

Whatever happens in ones own world I know... we can be sure, lifes experiences help us and for me this week I have found living my life has been extremely beautiful... I am a lucky lady to have the life I own and in owning this life I decided earlier this year I wanted to share it most unreservedly... The reason is this... if my experiences and my words help just one person in this universe, then I’m keeping my promise of making a difference. I aim to be that difference... One of my little bugbears in life is that some people are suspicious, totally disbelieving of someone who doesn’t have an agenda or an ulterior motive... If you are one of those people then I would question where you yourself are coming from. Come closer my little doubting Thomas while I gently whisper in your ear... "I don’t want anything from anybody except of course to be able to share my thoughts and ideas with you"

Before I forget, I'm pleased to announce... I have the chance of being published in a wonderful book all about what books mean to us and why. Here's the link... go on it's worth a wee look!
http://www.scottishbooktrust.com/thebook/story/jane-rowlandss-story-about-little-women

Thank you for stopping by it’s been a pleasure.... I hope to fly by soon with more words on thoughts...
Mwah xxxx

Waiting.. Waiting.. Waiting..

This week has been endless... its been long and lonely... On a positive note, it's allowed me the gift of utter rest and singular solitude.

To be completely alone with my own thoughts has proven to be a blessing, although in all honesty at the time I felt it a curse... I was poorly, bedridden and not quite feeling myself... It all started with tremendous all over aches & pains.

My immediate thought because of the strength of this discomfort was that I had contracted swine flu like unfortunately so many of my friends.... looking at the symptoms, indeed I did display many of them and I felt like I had flu. The missing link for me was my nose wasn’t running. I had all the other symptoms.... Unusual tiredness, headache, sore throat, cough, loss of appetite, aching muscles and although I was not sick I felt sick... I was in bed until Wednesday where I started to feel better but the headache & unusual tiredness took its time in going... During this time I slept and dreamt a lot. I went through a phase of missing people who are no longer on our planet and at one point I started to feel very sorry for myself. I’m glad to say this was short lived; I find myself very fortunate in having the best partner, family and friends in the universe.

At first I felt like I had lost a week from my life, but no... That’s not true, I just went through an allocated space of time and I needed to re-charge my batteries. Your body you know, is the best device to tell you when it’s time to slow down; it drags you back forcing you to gather your resources so that you are safely allowed to heal.

During my solitude and whilst I had the luxury of those thoughts, I tried methodically to get all those rambling ideas and thoughts to calm, at the same time making an invisible list in an attempt at getting myself organised for when I became well again.

Also during my week out of synch, I did not write or even make any notes. A few times I thought about it but the lethargy was so awful I just couldn’t. I am pleased to report my appetite is back, my thoughts are again on the run and my head is no longer hurting. My dream is back on track and after today it’s time to start on module 2 of my writing course... I’m so glad I have recuperated because unfortunately my gorgeous man was sent home from work yesterday (Fri) and if you knew him you would know that just doesn’t happen... So now I am better, it’s thankfully just in time to take extra special care of him.... If any of his lovely colleagues are reading this, I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for taking care of him... you will never know how much it’s meant.

I will be fly back soon hopefully with something wonderful to share with you. Mwah xxxx 

Stuck in a bottle with my thoughts ......

That’s me in the bottle. I know it’s a sad sight but I have the distinct feeling I will be there for a while.... I‘m sorry to report this week that I'm running on pure pressure...

So many things have happened so many things are about to happen... I admit I don’t like change, but I’m also realistic enough to know progression demands it... At work changes are taking place and personally I’m feeling a little out of control in terms of not feeling part of those changes... meaning despite being warmly consulted... the knowledge hurts knowing, it wouldn’t have mattered if I did or didn’t agree.... I feel so many demands being made of me yet in the background on a higher plain I'm being re-categorised, re-evaluated as my role is being re-defined with me and a number of others having to fight for something that over the year’s I have worked hard for..... I feel in limbo as I’m possibly about to be demoted, yet there is an expectation of me to give the same enthusiasm and passion to the role... personally I’m finding this difficult because without feeling any recognition for my attempts at support on the whole it’s ultimately making me feel uneasy and confused.... or is it the change and uncertainty doing that to me? ... On reflection not sure whether part of this is me feeling unsettled with the indecision or re-evaluation. Another part of me is wondering whether there’s a possibility of going into something else.... might be worth it, to do other stuff that I don’t get time to do.... Ahhhh well my friend I just wanted to off load and show why there has been none of my precious writing for the last 7 days... It ludicrous but even today I have to work on something I didn’t get time to do in the confines of my office..... However, I was determined to off load these muddled thoughts, hopefully going on to my next piece of work free from tension....

You’ll be pleased to know regardless of today’s events I will not be working tomorrow...I have made arrangements to take my family out to dinner and a film... so completely looking forward to that. Before I close just wanted to share with you I did something yesterday that’s even shocked me.... I had 10inches cut off my hair... it’s not short but it’s loads shorter then it was. I’m sure I will get use to it.

Ohhhh... One more thing, I was delighted this morning whilst researching an issue on Google earlier I came across my Blog ‘AngelJane’s World’ being described as “Most beautiful and most handsome in the world Blogs”..... Made me feel quite like a celebrity... (The link for confirmation! The link needs to be copied and pasted into your browser if you want to look.... not sure why I couldn't just copy the link) .....

http://209.85.229.132/search?q=cache:bwBRW5xxFPoJ:www.mahalo.com/most-beautiful-and-most-handsome-in-the-world+angeljanes+world&cd=82&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

I will fly back soon with thoughts and news... Hope to continue along with the beauty theme. You all take care. Hugs from Angel xxx

More Thoughts then I have time for......

Hurray the weekends here and how glad I am to see it....

Well first I would like to wish everyone a good one... I happen to know it’s not just me who's thankful for that Friday feeling... The week for you as for me has been a long one...(aren't they all) I should know because I work with many of you and as one of life's keen observers, I know you’re all desperate for some relaxation time... so come on pull that chair up closer, sip that cold one and listen to my many thoughts.

Where shall I start today? I really hope you liked my story for Halloween,'Ella's Mirror' I felt those goose bumps rise just writing it, having to re-read it over and over again hopefully ensuring grammar and story flow nicely it becomes so real. I see the story unfold again and again.... In the end I felt so sorry for Ella. I physically felt something as she was sucked into that underworld allowing the entity into what had been her life.....

I feel happy about this week because I managed to find quite a bit of time to write... I’ve been happily working on Polly as well as Secrets and Sins... I've got two deadlines to keep so that's an on going project which I’ll keep you informed of. I hope you've managed to read my dream article ‘In my World I can do anything be anyone’ I sincerely hope you smiled as I danced with one of my favourite celebrities Peter Andre... I feel as if I had a sneak peek into what I thought their world would feel like.... For a night times adventure, I found it to be dazzling but even then I observed in my dream I was in a different body... Am I so conditioned that I wanted to be 5ft 8” with long legs and a bronze toned body? I have to say I even felt my long black hair brush against my back as I moved on that dance floor.... in this life unfortunately we all know, everything appears to be visual... personally for me... beauty is what beauty does.... but hey it was fun and I enjoyed writing the dream sequence.... very realistic.

Oh there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.... Bi-Polar... I believe it’s also known as Manic Depressive Disorder... Have you been watching Stacy Slater on east-enders? Her real name is (Lacey Turner) I tell you... that young lady has had me laughing, crying and then heart broken as her mother was eventually forced to have her sectioned because of the behaviour and it's impact on her and the family. I occasionally come across this illness in my work; it gave me a fresh insight into seeing the disease first hand with its symptoms etc. And strangely enough I don’t feel as fearful of the symptoms. I'm sure I could recognise when someone is high and what to look out for.

My plans for the weekend... apart from hopefully finding time to chill, which may help take me into next week with a calm disposition ... I also need to bravely close my eyes, ears and shut down my brain especially when my computer cries out for me to tap, tap, tap .... I have a MUST-DO list .... House work and errands to run as well as pick up socially with family and friends before they think Doug and I have become hermits....

Oh well my welcome blogger, have a great weekend and don't do anything I wouldn't do...

Angel hopes to fly Back Soon xxx