Thoughts for today...

Learn... Grow... Transform... We are all different... For me, it’s so incredibly important to be able to understand everything, including myself... It’s so important to know where I’ve come from and very importantly, where I’m going... With all that knowledge, I will feel safe knowing I’m doing my very best to embrace all that I am, and all that I will become.

Very strange day with a real sense of everything becoming extremely profound, probably due to how I’m feeling... (Neither up nor down) just balanced (for once) they do say that sometimes, thoughts and things, brings a certain equilibrium to the melting pot. The deeper I become, the more I sense those thoughts clearly ... But, for once, I’d like to keep my thoughts focused on a much calmer, more light hearted approach to how I feel...  

Errmmm... (I smile) wondering, is that at all possible? ~ I’m not sure, come on let’s see, I do promise you that I’ll try!   

Today two thoughts have figured strongly on what I see as my road to recovery... The first  for some strange reaso, is that I’ve been remembering people who’ve figured very strongly in my life... particularly, people who are no longer around, they were here, but now they’ve gone... I'll add hastily... not necessarily to the other side!  ;-) I don’t mind sharing with you that some of those people I truly loved, but I sit here content in the strong belief that they loved me just as much, and I wonder if thoughts on them today have been more a thread of wishful thinking, in terms of wishing they were still around. I suppose this has a lot to do with what I’m going through, however, I'm not saying I’m unhappy with the people who are in my life at present... not at all... just thoughts tumbling around whilst I speak out loud... which by the way I think I’m getting pretty good at, and funnily enough, these tumbling thoughts magically enable me to heal little ~ by little...  

This brings me to the second part of those thoughts... the reflection, that we should never be too quick to discount the effect that those around have on us, our time and our space...  this also has to include the impact that our own presence has on the lives of those around us. Sometimes I physically shudder when I suddenly see the whole picture... but on this occasion I gladly observe that even the person who sits in the corner unable to take part for whatever reason, even they have an effect on people in the room...  We all encompass the potential to have an immense impact on other people... So I never personally take it for granted that the person who walks into my life, won’t be important... hence the picture and statement above...

'When the student is ready ~ the teacher will appear’

To me this means... to be taught, one has to be ready to receive necessary information... if you’re ready, then doors will be open to acceptance, learning and very importantly understanding.

Today I spent quite some time thinking about what had gone before, and what it meant to me... Tomorrow I pray that my heart will no longer hang on to closed doors and ghostly images. I will be encouraged to let go gently, so that beautiful memories will help and be instrumental when I step closer to a bright future...  

Before I close, I’d like to take this wonderful opportunity to count all previous relationships and people as blessings, and then further wish those that are no longer in my life the very best of love, happiness and peace... Then looking out to all of you who are still in my life, I’d like to pray in wander and say ‘I love you all and I am so truthfully thankful that you are still with me’

Namaste.....

Wishes...

These thoughts are written from a pure heart and spoken with a deep love wrapped up in affection, directed towards every single, living being...  If your out there and receptive, wanting to learn without making the same mistakes I made, then read and learn, but also appreciate I realise everyone has to make their own mistakes, I grew up believing this to be so... but today I want to say... ok, go make your mistakes, but if its a mistake that I can point out for you to avoid simply because it involves family and friends, then I am sure you might listen... Even so, I'll continue knowing the choice will still be yours!

If you’re still there my friend and having a bad time, take it from me, don’t waste time on the He said, she said, He did, she did, syndrome... Too many years are wasted and can never be retrieved ... which unfortunately I’ve found to my cost, ultimately making me feel very sad... When we’re young we feel infallible... I did, I thought I’d never age; I very rarely looked at the bigger picture or to any insensitivity or my selfishness or even a lack of thought... I never actually sat down and thought about the effect my decisions would have on others, well not long term anyway... Don’t worry I’m not beating myself up, just thinking out loud! At present I see so clearly, it's as if a veil's been lifted and for me right now, I super sense if I’m able to pass this wisdom on to just one person, then it will all be worth while... Again, If it’s fixable...Please, fix it, life is so precious, and this is it!

Although I feel no different inside in terms of when I was younger, I also totally sense my spirit is ageless, I mega understand I wasted so much time, I also put precious energy into the wrong things...  Blamed others, pointed the finger, believing I was always right...

How many times do we say, I wish? I know if I had a penny, for every time I’d uttered these wistful words, I’m convinced, I’d be a millionaire by now...  Today, I dedicate this gorgeous song along with these tender words, to a special sister, in the knowledge that sometimes life surprises us all, because on occasion WiShES ~ do and can come true. It’s quite a warm, restful feeling, knowing the chances are that maybe something once thought out of our grasp, actually is closer than we ever thought possible.

Life’s a funny old thing, opening and closing doors the way it does... My deep Wish today is that I will continue to develop, improve and embrace each new day, recognising every tiny blessing, ensuring I can pass on a deep love with respect and affection to all my family and friends.... As so often happens in life when one experiences certain conditions that occasionally become overwhelming and unbearable, its heart-warming to feel, even if for the briefest moment, that potentially a dream may possibly come true, and even if it doesn’t... you clearly understand that at least the opportunity came for us to make things right... 

I hope I don’t ask to much when I request that you stay close!  

Tears of an Angel...

Tears of an Angel... My most favourite song in the whole world... The haunting melody and words do something to my very soul.

I know I’m capable of imagining good things, I can also imagine the very worst...  but, the one thing I know for sure is that this beautiful song, reminds me so much of my siblings, my life including our irretrievable, sad loss of time, space and people.  

The beginning of the song ‘Cover my eyes, cover my ears, tell me these words are a lie’... Reminds me of all the times I did exactly that! I would cover my face with little hands then pretend I couldn’t be seen... I was safe; difficulties in life would melt away as I would imagine a better, more different life... I know now it’s that what saved me, and made it possible for a little girl to fantasise about things, events, people, places, and a possible, shiny, bright future... I magically made myself believe the unbelievable.  Today I’d imagine, professionals would label a child like this ‘resilient’ back then I didn’t realise I was doing this, until of course I got older and started having flashbacks... My heart would break for the little girl who always felt she was never allowed to be the person she wanted to be.

Today as I listen to the song, I realise, if I’d been born into a better life... meaning, if I’d had both parents and a loving home, the chances are I would have ended up like the ‘Little Princess’ losing it all, and going on to live a life that I would always feel... was not mine... I also know beyond any shadow of doubt, In this life I was meant to struggle, this was my lot...

Looking at the bigger picture and understanding more as I got older, my experiences were needed, so that I would have the deepest possible empathy with all living beings... the good thing in all of this and yes there are good things... is that despite much hardship, and a few knocks here and there... I always managed to recall, there seemed to be a beautiful thread of magic, shimmering here and there in the background, and even when the going got tough, I would usually sense a flicker of thought, that no matter what, all would be well.  

The good thing about sad childhood memories is that small people get bigger, it’s then we fully realise that at some point we’ll be in charge, we’ll make choices.

Regardless of the fact that I always longed to be a Princess, I see myself now as the fortunate one, because I'm blessed to have two very beautiful, loving princesses who are in my world every single day.  

Right now all I ask is that you please accept my blessings with good wishes and stay close...

Derek's Home and Business Blog

Derek's Home and Business Blog