I want to change the world...

Sitting here in the gloom with only the glare from my computer screen which somehow magically appears to pulsate over me in waves...

I patiently wait for inspiration to overwhelm my senses, at the same time I wonder if that particular feat is at all possible, especially if one feels as melancholy as I. Knowing my feelings were all tangled up with so much emotion is all I need to help encourage me to reach out to touch the people on the other side of my screen... I can feel them, the trouble is I can't see them... knowing they are there makes me want to continue but where to start....I realise in an instant my writing will help me, especially if I want to reach out and touch someone else. In touching you I heal. My healing is definitely a journey to be logged and that journey continues sporadically throughout different periods in my life... And yep, here I am going through yet another stage! Above all else I want to be an ordinary person who would change the world, or at least be instrumental in helping to change it... I’ve always believed the world to be a beautiful place and until the end of time and with this inner certainty I know... I will have loved living in and sharing the life that I breathe.

I know with my own belief, anything is possible. Numerous times this has been proven again and again. I believe any choice I make, good or bad... I have witnessed the consequences of those choices and I also see the impact they have, not just on me but on those around. I’m mindful of my actions. I would like to think, on producing thoughts I also take into account the bigger picture, not just for myself but for any one else who may be involved.

I think one’s mission in life has simply got to be... to motivate, to strengthen and importantly to inspire... From experience this is sometimes hard because to be inspired or even inspiring, often means the possibility of producing something yourself personally. Every now and then though, we just don’t have the confidence to go ahead or even attempt the something we would really like to do. Getting the balance right is important not just for you but for everyone.

Life is for living and if like me you’ve the determination then please join me in continuing to strive forwards with the hope you’ll make a difference and help change the world... You know there’s many ways to make a difference... It’s the little things that mean a lot.

There’s so much we can do.... Observe our surroundings, is there an elderly neighbour that needs a few bits from the shop or a hot meal because their not feeling good... If you know someone is experiencing a hard time then give them a surprise or drop off some groceries... If someone you know is sad, lost or even lonely, take them out, treat them to a meal and listen to them... Buy someone flowers and make their day.... The list is endless. The people around you need your time. It doesn’t have to cost anything... make someone’s day by smiling... you’ll never know the silent impact you may make on anyone but the recipient will warmly feel it. Your actions will undoubtedly make them feel wonderful... These things that I've suggested are not things I've plucked from the sky, these are things I have done and will continue to do....

This is one of my favourite sayings..... Remember, it’s not what you say or even what u do that people will remember, it’s how you make them feel...

Wings gently folding as I close my eyes. Night night, sweet dreams my friend :) x

Thoughts... Visions & Dreams.............................

I know my ultimate dream is to embrace the world and its inhabitants... I would right every single wrong... heal all absolute misery... and very importantly I would enable clarity for every single thought just so the human race would know instinctively, how to feel and deal with intense feelings of happiness and frustration and they would totally understand the importance of these emotions within their lives..... I would magically impregnate the importance of thoughts into the central cavity within any thought process and I would clearly show how making the right ones impacts on the world, people and their culture... Consequently instilling in each and everybody the importance of helping, supporting and being genuine... Hmmmmm.... well come on I told you it was a dream....

The past week’s been an eye opener. Every experience good or indifferent I’ve felt 10 times over and with a depth that’s been grossly uncomfortable... I’m not sure what’s happened to me but I feel quite strange, its having an impact on the way I deal with certain things.... for example this week my work load doubled, yet I’m going through an appeal hopefully showing the powers that be my current role is so worth the grade it stood at... but you know what, inside I feel like saying..... Stick it!!! I don’t need the hassle. Instantly though, I find these thoughts make me feel guilty because I realise my own attitude can and will reflect on the rest of my colleagues. I’ve something brewing deep inside my brain. I’m working on a solution.....

Also this week I’ve found a very special lady constantly in my thoughts. I know she’s been here to comfort me. Recently I’ve felt upset with a couple of issues that are going on in and around my life... She’s a lady who I’ll always love and admire for the rest of my days or until my soul no longer exists. Wish you were here now Grandma, didn’t realise how much I’d miss you until you left....

My daughter celebrated her birthday this month. I sat back and watched as she blew out her birthday candles and I realised with a warm, gushing pride how clever I’d been in bringing up such a warm, loving, strong and powerful young lady who’s not afraid to challenge appropriately... I know in her career and personal life she’s going to go from strength to strength. She’s focused and her targets are constantly being hit... This is going to be her year... she’s working and studying hard. Love you gorgeous girl, I’m so lucky to be your mum. I’m thankful you’re in my corner.

It feels strange to be so happy yet so sad. I know I’m not alone, the world is a beautiful place but unfortunately we all have to deal with life’s little icky bits that unfortunately, are not so nice.... We all have our ups and our downs... I’ll hastily add, I’m still of the opinion I'm the luckiest lady on this planet, I feel that thought will never change but at the moment I feel as if there’s an echo in my existence that needs a little TLC to make it all better. Maybe it’s the constant feeling of unease, as I leave the house each morning... to spend the rest of my day in a place I no longer enjoy... Maybe a new challenge is needed and should be set... I feel the skills I possess are wasted and yet there’s a part of me that loves the place I’ve been for the past 8years... Maybe I don’t like change and that’s what I’m struggling with.... I’m sure time will tell... You’ll be the first to know if the echo receives an answer...

When I open my eyes wide I see so much for so many.... I love the energy I feel for those around me. I feel such brilliant vibes when I look at someone... I know if their happy or sad... I know if they need help or not... I know what there going through and sometimes I stumble when I feel their pain... I have a gift for knowing what to do or for comforting, even helpfully showing them the road they could take. At times I’m astounded as to where the ideas and information comes from... I just know its right and it’s imperative I share it...

Regardless of what happens around us, it’s important we keep hold of the positive side of life even when it’s slipping through our fingers... The positive I will leave for you today... is that despite the fact I know I’m going to be extremely busy work wise this week, I also know I’ll be meeting a whole lot of new people and that won’t be a bad thing...

So my friend, until the next time I can physically sit my derriere on my much loved writing seat in the feint hope I reach out to you... I’ll look forward to seeing you then... Have a wonderful week. Mwah x

What's behind you're front door........

If you remember a previous story... 'Apple Pie covered in punches' then I'm advising you there's another episode in the offering...

A brave beautiful character is coming back shortly to eloquently share with us how it personally felt, when she came out of gloomy darkness after being knocked unconscious. Here she will describe what happened when she awoke cold and dazed from one nightmare which sadly drove her straight into another... also, what it felt like when she realised precisely just what her sadistic husband had done to her... Sad stuff I know but it has to be shared....

So much advice and information is available on facts and figures including stories of incidents as well as helpful support schemes that's readily available. On doing some research myself I was totally blown away to discover that 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime. There is one incident reported to the police every minute and on average 2 women a week are killed by either former or a current partner.

I also read whilst 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence so do 1 in 6 men. I retrieved these stats from a well know web-site: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ If you have been or you are experiencing domestic violence or maybe you unfortunately know someone who is... then with total discretion and ultra sensitivity... share your knowledge or a helpful resource with them. I predict 9 times out of 10 you maybe ignored but I also know desperate times bring back useful tips so the chances are at some stage when the recipient is ready, they'll remember your advice and know exactly what to do.

Angel sends thoughts and good wishes for a wonderful week ahead... :) x

I reached out and you were there... so I kissed you......

To get the full ambience of feelings and atmosphere... (thats if you have time of course) ... Please go to my Utube search bar(Left hand side) type in Proclaimers... 500 miles. It was dedicated to me by my lovely guy... Get a chillled one and enjoy as you read this weeks article....

It’s Valentines weekend and thankfully for a lot of us this is going to be a lovely time where we can validate feelings and strengthen bonds. For some of us this may be a time to reconnect hopefully enabling a new dream to develop. Sadly for some of you out there, this will unfortunately be a time to possibly feel overwhelmed with out-and-out sadness, either at what you’ve lost or what you’ve not got... If you’re alone, please let me give you a thought to contemplate....

Once upon a time I was where you are now... but please believe me when I say this... The moment you’re least expecting it, a special warmth will enter your life... even as I say this, I know with all of my heart... like me back then, you may well have given up. It will happen and it will be your turn to shine...

In view of the celebration this week-end, I’m happily dedicating my blog to 'Douglas' my beautiful man. Thank you for finding me and thank you for believing in me, you’ve raised my spirit & cleansed my soul allowing me to smile again. I never, ever want to be with out you.... Forever I will love you!

I’d like to speak briefly about the Legend of St Valentine... This is accessible on the inter-net if you’d like to read the full article I have grabbed some bits from it just to give you a flavour of what this celebration is reportedly about....

There are said to have been (3) Valentines although Historical archives make reference that a priest and bishop were the same guy the 3rd practiced in Africa and is not thought to be associated with Valentines day. In 496 A.D., Pope Gelasius declared February 14th to be the Feast Day of Saint Valentine... Patron Saint of Lovers and Engaged Couples.

From all accounts it seems Valentine assisted the martyrs from the persecution of Claudius 11 he was also known as (Claudius the Cruel) From the information that’s available it seems Claudius found it difficult to recruit males, he believed this was due to them not wanting to leave loved ones and families. Claudius banned marriages and engagements... however St Valentine and St Marius continued to perform wedding ceremonies in secret... As so often happens eventually this fact was discovered. After unsuccessfully trying to force St Valentine to renounce his Christianity, It was decided that St Valentine was to be clubbed, stoned and then beheaded.

Whilst St Valentine waited in prison for his execution, its recorded he kept his correspondence up with his parishioners, sending love notes. It’s also believed the jailer’s beautiful daughter who was also blind, regularly visited St Valentine and they fell in love. Popular belief indicates St Valentine’s last message to his love before his execution on Feb 14th 269 A.D. or 270 A.D. has transcended all time “From Your Valentine” In 270 A.D. a special church was built for St Valentines who is also believed to have been a physician, it is there where his bones are housed.

Let me get back to my personal story..... The first time I set eyes on my lovely man, my heart skipped a beat then banged so loudly I felt sure everyone in the building must have heard it. My breathing became erratic, and I must admit to feeling strangely peculiar. I was in a time and space where I was observing life along with its participants... I was on a 2nd dance floor slightly raised up from the main floor as I watched a guy walk towards me, I felt a connection... I inexplicable knew he and I were going to be soul mates.

Even though it was early on in our relationship, I silently wondered why on earth, the powers that be had left it so long for me to find one of life’s beautiful people. I gradually discovered for once in my life I’d found a guy who genuinely had my best interests at heart.

Back to the night we met... I watched as he walked towards me, in doing so I distinctly saw a determination and realised his purpose which made me smile for the first time in a long time... He’d seen me from across the room and wanted to ask me out. As he strode towards me I could see him gently excusing him-self to pass through the busy crowd, all the while never taking his eyes off me... unbeknown to him I quietly drank in his appearance and when he reached me with an impish grin he politely asked, could he buy me a drink ...I was totally captivated by him and his tall athletic figure... I noticed immediately his strong broad shoulders and gorgeous black hair which gleamed from being gelled and spiked... he looked amazing, like he’d just stepped away from a top celebrity stylist and was ready for a photo shoot.

Beautiful brown eyes kept staring at me making me feel slightly uncomfortable but the warmth I felt as I gazed up at him soon put me at my ease... Like a silly school girl I giggled, thanking him for the offer of a drink but sadly I informed him I was with a crowd of girls and we were moving on... he looked disappointed but moved in closer ( it was so noisy) and asked again if I was sure I didn’t want a quick drink... we were right near the bar so I said “Ok” I watched like an alert hawk as he ordered us both a drink when he shyly said ”if you’re having to rush off maybe I could ring you sometime, we could go for a meal or anywhere you would like” I hesitated not because I didn’t want to give him my number but because it was there in the quieter space around the bar, I realised his accent was different... he softly spoke with a Scottish lilting tone. Instantly I thought of Sean Connery which made me smile again.

I felt a tap on my shoulder as a friend advised me it was almost time to go... I really wanted to stay but I knew that wouldn’t be right. So I quickly retrieved my mobile number. We hugged briefly as I wondered whether this gorgeous human being would ring me or would he just melt into oblivion never to be heard from again.

Laughing, I found myself being pulled backwards gently through dancing crowds by friends; it felt completely surreal as I watched dancing bodies move to the beat of dance music. I felt my own heart banging like a drum as it too danced along. At the same time I tried hard not to take my eyes off the tall dark Scottish guy watching my every move. My last vision as I was pulled through double doors... a handsome man and his perfect smile.

The rest of the evening went quickly. In my mind flickered a feeling... a feeling so precious because you know it's something you can’t buy... It shrieks, confirming someone found you attractive, someone was interested and his glasses weren’t beer goggles because you know when he bought you a beer, he ordered a coke for himself. I clearly saw that illusive light through the mysterious darkness. Oh my, I had wanted to see that for so long. I wondered again if I was going to be let down... all I wanted like so many others in this beautiful life, was a nice guy who would know instinctively how to treat a woman and he be open and honest with his feelings... no mind games, just simple to goodness honesty. But I quickly reprimanded myself.... Lady Jane, this is way too early for deep profound thoughts especially at this level.... but come on you know what us ladies are like, we just can’t help ourselves... I always look at the bigger picture on most things in life... not sure if that’s a good or bad thing but hey I feel it’s always kept me safe.... On my way home I heard my phone bleep...

My tummy excitedly turned over and then nose dived towards my legs as I saw an unfamiliar number... it basically said, "have a good evening, I will ring tomorrow if that’s ok with you?"

I wanted to shout, squeal, scream, yell... all at the same time but I kept it under wraps, reminding myself this life had a funny way sometimes of turning in the wrong direction but I also knew plainly this could be the start of something good. Getting to know someone was a great way to start. I didn’t answer his text immediately ... I really wanted to appear all cool and sophisticated *smile* so I left it all of 10 minutes. My response was to tell him I had indeed had a great evening and I looked forward to his call tomorrow!

Well my friend that was the start of something that continues to be beautiful... I ‘m so lucky to be with a guy who is warm, genuine, trustworthy, loyal, tactile, generous and importantly he loves me unconditionally... I can’t imagine life without him and the cherry on the top of our cake was his proposal at New Year making life so wonderfully complete. I feel truly blessed because I’ll never forget the old days when life at times became a struggle but this says times change, nothing is the same forever and we all have the power to change our future...

My gorgeous man and I have so much to look forward to. This journey has only just begun.

Till next time... Sending big hugs with lots a love for a Happy Valentines ... Mwah :) xxx

Are you listening to me...............

Just as there’s a beginning... there’s an end! For a few people this sentence will mean absolutely nothing, just as I’d imagine the most profound words on the wisest blogs would do....
I won't apologise for using this heart wrenching picture... It's simply to show two very sad individuals, there are many, many things in this life that really matter. Time and energy is wasted with their needless negativity. Hence the quote to just 'get over themselves'

The frustration is all consuming for me especially when you discover you’re on the receiving end of a nasty campaign... a campaign that deeply hurts feelings... When I Closed my eyes I felt suffocated by the darkness surrounding me as I reflected... thinking of those awful words expressed with profanities within a private conversation. The conversation was regarding 2 people who are steadfastly trying to disrespect me and my wonderful life... I have to say there’s nothing worse than stepping into a dark empty space, feeling overwhelmed with surmountable fuzzy confusion to learn you’re being ridiculed, laughed at and your joyful efforts are blatantly disrespected because you’re trying to make negative experiences into positives.

I wonder why anyone would do that... It doesn’t make sense to me, I know the two said people are both mothers... they’re people who’ve lived lives where the worst experiences have been felt ... my progressing sorrow is not that they continue to call and insult me... my gloom is because despite their own traumatic adventures they have not risen above it or learnt from past mistakes. It screams out loud and clear, they'll never heal if this is the path they continue to take... for me this is heartbreakingly sad as I still feel for the spirit that lies within one of them...

We live in a world where we realise we’re not going to be liked by everyone... but family, despite differences are supposed to be on your side. It feels really important right now to say this... I think it's about time maturity raised its head... I’ve said numerous times “Let’s agree to disagree and move on” I have... why haven’t you? I would also like to add.... considering what you think of me and my Blog... it’s simply amazing that you’re up to date with everything I ‘m writing....Hmm now let me think... what does one do if they don’t like something? It doesn’t take a genius to understand where you’re both coming from... My hope is this... now you know that I know, I’m sincerely hoping you take my well intentioned advice... “GET OVER YOURSELVES” ... It’s so boring *yawn*. It’s been a long time since we were all in the playground.... No one’s interested anymore, so for your own sakes grow up before your thoughts, ideas and behaviours have a negative impact on your children.

I think the two of you should learn to recognise how arrogant it is to judge other human beings when you’re far from perfect yourselves... Hurting others with your negative bullying behaviour is over. I have no interest in being associated with either of you but then again I will never disrespect you ... However, there is someone you’re both important too and they’re extremely important to me... I would urge you both to think about that. I would also say... rest easy in just knowing your special like everyone else... life is so short, one day we’ll all have left this planet and moved on... I predict when that day comes especially for one of you, your tears will fall forever just knowing you had the opportunity to be where you were needed and you refrained and to top it all off it was your own choice completely...

A long time ago I read that taking things personally stopped us from being effective so I’ve always tried to bear that in mind but in this instance I didn’t want to stand back (Again) and let things carry on. It's sad to say the only people you’re hurting apart from yourselves are the people you try to include in your bizarre conversations... but as you both know even that’s not possible now as communications between you have broken down... It's a strange old world!

My words are out... I've breathed in fresh air.... It's generated throughout my body and my soul is smiling... My writing is my healer and on this particular issue my healing is complete.

My warm wish for my 2 muted fans is... Thank you for listening... It's nice to know you're always there.... :) Whilst you're safely there please let me refer back to the beginning................................

It's the end!

Relationships hugged tightly with Respect..........

The world I was born into was missing many qualities but there was one vital quality that was desperately needed to positively encourage the rest of life’s ingredients to follow, without it the chances of life getting any better was nil.... That vital magic was ‘RESPECT’.... Yes my friend respect, neither my parents had it nor the people we came into contact with.

My early life was sadly based on... ” you will do what I want or else”..... I grew up and experienced different levels of care as well as lots of other people’s values and morals etc... I was able to search seeking out my own answers to life including understanding family and friends etc... It’s well documented for me, I eventually grew up knowing and learning, important skills on how to survive. Part of that survival package was quickly discovering how to make friends because all of my young life that's what I'd always wanted.... In living that life I also quite quickly realised what I expected from people and relationships... but let me tell you this, it still didn’t stop me from making a rather silly mistake which later in life cost me dearly... I forgot all about me... I did everything everyone else wanted or expected of me... Initially I enjoyed being there for everyone and doing what was needed because I was making people happy, but then I scarily realised I was disappearing. Thankfully, the quote ‘better late than never ‘springs to my mind especially when I think of how I eventually got there in the end. I confidently feel, I‘m able to share my experiences so hopefully it will help someone else... I hope you enjoy my article!

Remember nothing is easy... most things take work.....

I’ve read somewhere the average couple spend only 10 minutes a day talking to each other, if that’s correct then it’s a scary thought.... If you make a few small changes then it’s possible to have a healthier, happier relationship. In putting this together, I thought using steps would be a good idea.... when you link all or either step it makes sense and is workable.

1. Communication.... For many of us lack of communication or actually ceasing to talk is one of the first signs there’s a problem... the problem is it can escalate... before we know where we are 6months have passed and we end up losing something really important.

Being able to carve out 15-20 minutes every day to chat to one another other can and does make a huge difference. Maybe you could start off by finding out how your partner is feeling, what relationships are like with family, friends, even colleagues. Check how they're feeling in general, be observant, are they under the weather..... If you’ve found yourself getting into a rut then it’s a good idea to think of doing something different. For instance go to bed a little earlier, put a DVD on, cuddle & chat or you could get up earlier, have breakfast/coffee together if that’s something you don’t normally do then it’s a way you could both bring back the communication into those particular times when you probably wouldn’t normally do this. Before long you might even bring back those warm, loving feelings you both felt in the beginning.

Something else I discovered both personally and from friends... try sending a cheeky text or a better still a romantic one. Your partner just knowing your thinking of them, will feel good especially if you send one out of the blue, this can build on those bridges...

2. Trust... To have trust in your relationship means you have a foundation and foundations can be built on making relationships solid. To be able to trust and be trusted we must be true to ourselves as well as others. This is the only way we can prove to anyone especially our partners that we are truly trustworthy giving them a wonderful warm sense of security that we all need so much. When you have security your relationship will withstand almost anything.

3. Be your true self... This should be right from the very start. It’s amazing but I hear so many tales of people pretending to be something they’re not; when the facade stops the disappointment felt, can be enough to send the other person running in the wrong direction... Be true, honest, open and genuine... these are the qualities that matter when building a lasting relationship.

4. Appreciation... What can I say, just remember how you personally feel when someone says ‘thank you’ or ‘you look great’ or ‘you’re beautiful’ and always be aware of other people’s needs, do things without being prompted. I promise you it will make your partner, friend, family never want to be without you... Appreciation is a wonderful tool to have in your relationships, whether you’ve been together 1day or 40 years.

5. Always say you’re sorry... Disagreements in a relationship are normal and healthy. After a disagreement I’ve found it actually strengthened relationships... It’s important to recognise each other’s feelings, especially after a fall out. Never go to bed on a row and if you do in the morning make it up... Never sulk for days on end it’s a complete waste of time and energy and only continues to make you both feel bad... Communicate, sort out differences. Nothing and no one is perfect but making up is a good way to discuss further any problems either one of you might be feeling. There may be a time when you can’t agree, take it from me in this instance it’s always best to agree to disagree and move on.

6. Never stop dating... I know it’s hard but not as hard as you may think... I’m almost 4 years up the road and we still set time aside to date and I love it... keeps feelings, thoughts and plans fresh...

7. Surprise each other occasionally... Most people like treats, surprises especially if they’re lovingly done... so keep the unexpected up and be unpredictable in the nicest possible sense of course.

8. Maintain your relationship... We all know relationships can take a little work. We also know it’s important to maintain relationships just like we keep our cars in working order it’s also very important to keep your relationship in tip top condition, so check it out and take care of everything.

9. A sense of humour.... We all know it’s great to laugh with all those feel good chemicals coursing through both your bodies... makes you feel great to laugh doesn’t it? It also makes you feel good if you’re responsible for your partner’s happiness so never stop making them laugh because laughing also bonds you together and makes your relationship stronger.

10. Summary... To sum up thoughts and ideas discussed within I feel it important to summarise the article to hopefully encapsulate the wonder of it all. It’s important to Communicate without that we’re lost... Commitment is wonderful if it’s what you both want. Trust is a must... Respect is something we deserve and need so make sure it’s in your life. Support one another to the best of your ability; we all need to know we can depend on each other when the chips are down... Differences are expected and worked on. All of life’s experiences are enhanced when shared together these ties will strengthen our bonds with loved ones making our relationships now and in the future incredibly wonderful...

My thoughts are with you as I stretch my wings... Till next time my friend :) xxx