Thoughts for this week.....

Some Profound feelings around my thoughts started on Monday whilst I browsed the web for a specific themed picture I wanted ...

I came across the lovely actress Brooke Shields on 'You Tube' at Michael's Jackson's Memorial. I listened to her in awe as she spoke warmly and sincerely about her friendship with Michael and the silly little things they got up to together and how those little things brought laughter and much joy to them both. It struck me there and then, just how the little things can mean so much... not just when someone has passed over but now when family and friends are here. My heart went out to her as she eloquently continued to describe what it felt like for her not to have her wonderful friend around anymore. I unashamedly have to admit to making a mental note... Continue to appreciate and embrace my wonderful world and its contents, enjoying what I have and hold dear....

My picture... which by the way I absolutely love, depicts my continued thoughts around motivation... it's just as much for me as for my fellow bloggers.... I thoroughly enjoy looking at pictures and words that quote motivational inspiration, encouraging us to search further, wider and harder for our dreams. I especially like it when I'm advised ... never give up, never give in or never lose sight of the dream or what you want, hope and pray for.....

I have to add to you my friend... In our world pictures and words just don't do it... I've discovered a very special ingredient which sadly not everyone has access too... that's friends & family... Since writing I have joyfully discovered a whole new world on the outside of the norm with family, friends and lately even strangers warmly encouraging me to explore new realms and regions.... I am so grateful for all their advice, love and support. I will never lose sight or faith with them around me...

On Tuesday evening, my thoughts were brought to the attention of a young lady who made what she said was an online confession. It involved sexual, physical & emotional abuse as well as down and out parental neglect... she suffered abysmally as a result... I spent some time this evening responding to her very long and brave statement. I'm hoping with all my heart that I have brought her an element of peace so that she can grasp it with both hands and work with it.... Sadly there are so many of us who progress through life, holding on to stuff that needs to be released. She knows who she is... so if your out there come and say Hi......

Wednesday went by in a flurry to find me fast asleep on the sofa by early evening... Then On Thursday although it was a busy happy day for me it was also tinged with sadness... my lovely friend Sue from work is leaving us.... but the darling brought in one of her delightful, delicious cakes... I think it's called Coconut delight with flowers on.... heres a link for you to see.... http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=789618961#/photo.php?pid=1611481&id=789618961 It was scrummy and moist, disappearing in no time. Thanks Sue, good luck in pastures new and don't you forget us my friend, cos we had some fun and a lot of laughs. Mwah xxxx

The only thing I can say for friday.... is Thank Crunchie for it..... Now wait for this.... I'm a Red Devil on a girls nite out this evening... so watch out for the pics and I promise you I wont do anything you wouldn't do... hahahaha :)

Angel hopes to fly back soon xxxxx

More Thoughts then I have time for......

Hurray the weekends here and how glad I am to see it....

Well first I would like to wish everyone a good one... I happen to know it’s not just me who's thankful for that Friday feeling... The week for you as for me has been a long one...(aren't they all) I should know because I work with many of you and as one of life's keen observers, I know you’re all desperate for some relaxation time... so come on pull that chair up closer, sip that cold one and listen to my many thoughts.

Where shall I start today? I really hope you liked my story for Halloween,'Ella's Mirror' I felt those goose bumps rise just writing it, having to re-read it over and over again hopefully ensuring grammar and story flow nicely it becomes so real. I see the story unfold again and again.... In the end I felt so sorry for Ella. I physically felt something as she was sucked into that underworld allowing the entity into what had been her life.....

I feel happy about this week because I managed to find quite a bit of time to write... I’ve been happily working on Polly as well as Secrets and Sins... I've got two deadlines to keep so that's an on going project which I’ll keep you informed of. I hope you've managed to read my dream article ‘In my World I can do anything be anyone’ I sincerely hope you smiled as I danced with one of my favourite celebrities Peter Andre... I feel as if I had a sneak peek into what I thought their world would feel like.... For a night times adventure, I found it to be dazzling but even then I observed in my dream I was in a different body... Am I so conditioned that I wanted to be 5ft 8” with long legs and a bronze toned body? I have to say I even felt my long black hair brush against my back as I moved on that dance floor.... in this life unfortunately we all know, everything appears to be visual... personally for me... beauty is what beauty does.... but hey it was fun and I enjoyed writing the dream sequence.... very realistic.

Oh there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.... Bi-Polar... I believe it’s also known as Manic Depressive Disorder... Have you been watching Stacy Slater on east-enders? Her real name is (Lacey Turner) I tell you... that young lady has had me laughing, crying and then heart broken as her mother was eventually forced to have her sectioned because of the behaviour and it's impact on her and the family. I occasionally come across this illness in my work; it gave me a fresh insight into seeing the disease first hand with its symptoms etc. And strangely enough I don’t feel as fearful of the symptoms. I'm sure I could recognise when someone is high and what to look out for.

My plans for the weekend... apart from hopefully finding time to chill, which may help take me into next week with a calm disposition ... I also need to bravely close my eyes, ears and shut down my brain especially when my computer cries out for me to tap, tap, tap .... I have a MUST-DO list .... House work and errands to run as well as pick up socially with family and friends before they think Doug and I have become hermits....

Oh well my welcome blogger, have a great weekend and don't do anything I wouldn't do...

Angel hopes to fly Back Soon xxx

In my World I can do Anything be Anyone...

All you have to do my friend is dream... Dream with unbridled imagination... I'll tell you this... for me it's so easy to do...

For instance take last night...closing tired eyes, lids feeling extremely heavy, securely falling asleep in my bed... when all of a sudden I literally jumped out of my skin... I heard a bang, followed by a bright flash of light. I'm startled into the most peculiar feeling... Feeling like a complete outsider I find myself in the world of beautiful people... I'm standing motionless in a night club, it's fantastic and out of this world... The dance floor is made from crystal and glass, it's gently rotating. All sorts of different types and designs of stunning mirrors are located all over the environment with splashes of vivid colour housing beautiful vases holding ginormous exotic flowers... I walk towards the dance floor, mesmerised by its outstanding beauty. Music is beating through my body. Absolutely astounded, I catch sight of a group of celebrities chatting over by the bar. Lowering shy eyes, I walk towards a quieter space; still observing through lowered lashes I feel stares from the crowd... What are they staring at? I want the floor to open up and swallow me...

I realise Peter Andre's new album 'Revelation' is playing loudly. I know the track very well, its one of my top favourites... "The way you move" a real sexy number. Leaning against the bar I can't help myself as I feel my body move in time to the rhythm and then I just as quickly still myself, I shyly remember who I am. Swiftly but slyly I glimpse at the in-crowd, just to see what's going on in their corner... Unabashed they stare back... It slowly dawns on me, its admiration I see within their gaze... I catch sight of my own reflection in a floor to ceiling mirror... I gulp a sharp intake of breath as I witness the most beautiful stranger staring back at me, yet weirdly... I know it’s me...

The DJ plays Peter's music louder; I step towards the dance floor desperate to dance. Striding onto the dance floor efficiently; I'm Immediately joined by Peter Andrea and his friends, like it’s the most natural thing in the world for them to do. Peter's smile is contagious. With my hammering heart... I realise with excitement, crikey blimey, I'm one of the beautiful people and actually their my friends... so dreamily surreal... inside I'm screaming "it’s me" they don't appear to know.Feeling like a total impostor but loving the experience... we're all dancing, laughing and enjoying the evening when a girlfriend softly elbows my arm revealing to me that Doug is watching.... Smiling, I look over to where he's standing... So handsome, sincerity emanates from his beautiful brown eyes... Waving I invite him to join us but he shakes his head and indicates with hand signals asking if I want a drink... I wave yes. My world feels great. Lights, music, unreal surroundings and my new friends all of us having a great time...

Totally and utterly lost in their world, I feel a wet slobbering tongue brush roughly against my hand... trying desperately to get back to the dance floor the tongue persists as I blearily open one eye ... go away Maddie I whisper, I'm having such a lovely dream.

There's an Angel In My Blog.....

In the confines of my Blog.. I am under the wonderful illusion, ‘I'm an Angel’ who, within her world is a super hero....

I have a complex brain that holds a big warm heart... I love to Share, Care, Empower, Encourage, Promote, Persuade, Support, Cheer, Inform. The icing on the top of my delicious cake is to hold on to the powerful energy which penetrates our surroundings... enabling me to Inspire & Scare.... I also endeavour to motivate. Above all I sincerely hope to show my fellow human beings that there’s always a way... a choice... an option... Sometimes it might be a choice you/they/we haven’t even contemplated.... Through my writing, I’m hoping some of you find an answer, an idea, a thought, a feeling of understanding.... or even a different perspective on life.....

My Cyber World is relatively new... I ‘m still learning, researching and open to constructive suggestions... I like to think, I have and can use My Angel World to reach out and gently touch the human race. The one thing I can guarantee you all when you get here, is a genuine soul with no hidden agenda.... So if you have some spare time or a free moment, grab a drink... move closer to the screen .... and check out my world. A warm if sometimes scary welcome awaits you....

Angel  xxx

Halloween 1904 .... Ella's Mirror....

Let me tell you a special story. Come on; bring your chair closer, listen carefully and please open your eyes....... Your senses are important here in AngelJane’s World........

My name is Ella Wilson, I am extremely excited because it’s the 31st October in the year 1904 ... I have been told it is All Hallows’ Eve and if I really, really want to then this would be the very evening I should sit in a darkened room, look into a mirror to catch a glimpse of my future husband... The very idea makes me feel utterly flabbergasted and the very thought this could be possible, fills me with immense happiness....
You see my dream for the past two years has been marriage... ok, I know... I know... first I have to find a partner, but for me this dream feel’s a million miles away....

Leaving work this evening I feel as if I have been handed a huge jack pot prize of money. Feeling hopeful with advice and information given, I have carefully stored in my swirling mind the list of things I will need to help with the evening ahead.... My first stop before catching the tram home, is to pop into the nearest shop and obtain a bottle of wine just to help me relax for the evening ahead. Within the little shop I also spy a big juicy pumpkin and I eagerly decide to make a Jack-o-lantern. A candle enclosed would help illuminate the darkness that I would need to sit in this evening where I will be hoping and wishing with all my heart to meet my future husband. The very thought seems nigh on impossible.

Two hours have passed. lights off, I find myself sitting in my favourite armchair; relaxing into the plush upholstery I admire the big round pumpkins scary face, watching the candle twinkle from inside those nightmarish eyes.... Its quiet, dark and cold outside. The front door had been knocked countless times but this evening is mine. I need to stay calm, relaxed and warm to the fact... I am going to see my true love, my sweetheart... tonight.

I have 3 more hours to wait till midnight so I pour another glass of deep dark red wine; it hits the spot as it always does. My mind slides away to the grey light where I see myself and my past... I sincerely hope that’s allowed before a future vision... I see my loneliness, I see my single wish for a family and its perfect importance, I know the past has not been good to me but at least I work and I have a place to stay. I tell myself off... repeating the need to concentrate on the good bits of my life; I also know anything extra would be the bonus I have waited for. Maybe this dream is for idiots or for the fools who wish their lives away.... who in their right mind would wait till midnight to see a glimpse of someone they don’t even know... I smile, my grin widening. I know the answer to that question. I also know it would be a fool who did not search out what they seek. I personally need to know the answer... good, bad or indifferent.

Pouring another glass of delicious wine, the delicate aroma hits my nostrils... I see the time is 11.55pm; I need to set the scene. I tightly grip my wine... looking deep into the long mirror, which is solidly placed on the ground before me ... Jack-o-lantern is flickering gently on the little wine table to my right and the air has suddenly become inexplicably cooler... it’s deathly quiet and I can smell apple cinnamon, not sure why as I don’t recall buying any. I unexpectedly hear a ticking clock and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I don’t possess one... Why?... because I can’t stand the constant reminder that life is rushing us by.... I wonder if the new sights, sounds and smells have something to do with the magic I'm about to see.... Still eagerly looking in the mirror, I see fog appear. The fog is swirling around, its denseness going from thick to thin, it abruptly starts to clear ... Stretching, craning my neck forwards, I know the time is imminent the fog is disappearing but I'm surprised when the odd swirl blows towards me from the mirror .... Is that possible I sensibly ask myself, I wasn't told fog would penetrate my front room and there’s something else my body is beginning to feel strange.... the hair on my arms and neck stand erect. A feeling deep within my stomach's cavity, turns over and over again; I’ve felt this feeling before... its fear... The fear begins it steady climb upwards, towards my chest but I still stare hard into the mirror, I don’t under any circumstances want to miss my loved one... I know as clear as day that something is about to happen, the room has started to turn. and wait... the mirror is again clearing.

I see something... moving forwards slightly, needing a better look.... Who-ever it is on the other side is also pushing to catch a glimpse of me... Heart singing for joy now... I know I'll see him shortly. Feeling irritated, the fog re-appears... the mirror becomes dark. I’m almost standing to see who is with-in the confines of the highly polished glass; I can hear something, someone... he’s calling my name.... “Ella, I can't see you, I need you...come closer, I need to see you.... Come to the Mirror Ella please come..." Trembling I Stand, feeling a heart full of love I nervously step forwards... I hear a gurgling noise... a sucking sound as I step up to the glass.

Through the green light I make out the outline of his skull, he's there, my loved one... his arms held out towards me, quickly thrusting my own arms forwards I’m horrified to see them disappear into the mirror; the glass gives way like water.... Then before I scream, I feel myself noisily sucked into the dark green murky water, like a loose weed... gone.... gone-forever with my love on the other side of the mirror in his twilight world of fog....

From the other side of the mirror I determinedly look back... In my absolute frantic, horror-filled mind, I see my Jack-o-lantern as it gently twinkles back at me. I observe my upturned wine glass with its contents drenching the carpet crimson. But the scariest, most frightening sight of all.... is the wet, bloated man waving at me from my favourite armchair.

Thoughts... for me and for you!

Another week almost over and again my writing has taken a back seat to accommodate life... work... family... & commitments...

Well... the week got off to an organised flying start with my lovely man on holiday so a list was done and his orders were given... bless him he smiled adding 'your the management' my response as always "And don’t you forget it" Oh happy days.

This is the month for thoughts of tricking or treating... or for some individuals who come across as miseries "let's get it over with”....A gentle word to you.... For our children these are special memories. It's something they will remember for a long time.... Despite the fact my girl has flown the nest; I still look forward to those lovely little people dressed scarily... On opening the door its all Oooohs and Ahhhhhs... at the fantastic lengths children and their parents have gone to making it a special couple of hours for all the little ghosts, vampires, witches & monsters to visit and scare the neighbourhood... Letting them pick something out of the scary goody bowl then listening as they run off excitedly comparing each others treasure.... I understand some people don’t like it and we are all quite rightly entitled to our own opinions.
My view... what harm can a few hours after tea do, when it brings squeals of delight from the children as proud parents look on....?

I'm working on a project at the minute where I have needed extra help and support from friends old and new... I would just like to give special mention to them... Their help and support as well as thoughtfulness have amazed and overwhelmed me. This has allowed me to do a really good job for our community... Without them, I really don’t know where I would be. They are 'wonderful Angels here on earth' ... I thank god you are my friends... An enormous warm heartfelt Thanks guys.... I won’t ever forget your contribution or kindness!

Well needless to say another heavy week work wise, lots of running around as well as mountains of paper work to complete, which as we all know can take up sooooooooooo much time....Also had one days complete training package. I really enjoyed this and have found it extremely useful.

I feel I have spent an awful lot of time over the last week or so thinking about the world and its writers. (Nothing new there then) I have already mentioned I quickly learned we all have our own style and quirky ways.... I also realise with gladness there is plenty of room on the planet and in this life, for all sorts of different people and their creative spheres... meaning the diverseness of each individual gives the public, much more scope to pick and choose and enjoy. This thought has given me copious amounts of encouragement to stride forward hopefully knowing eventually someone will like me and ultimately my work...... With this in my mind, I run with head and heart full to the brim... bursting to overflow with all my ideas and their distinct promising possibilities. It's important to me that you know, when I sit down to write I don’t just think about the characters and plots... I think about the people who may read my work and I wonder quite rightly how they will feel.

Note to self: If I can squeeze it in to my tight schedule for Halloween, A ghost story... at the moment nothing would make me happier..... Having recently done some research have found the perfect animated picture to accompany it.

For me a very thoughtful week with lots of positives.... Hope yours has been too!

Will fly back to you soon xxxx Angel ;)xxxx

I spoke with God last night......

Out of the blue last night... I saw the figure of a man sitting in my bedroom chair. He was watching me as I was about to climb into bed....

Well you can imagine how shocked and surprised I was. Sitting down quickly I stupidly gawped at him.

Silence surrounded us... penetrating the whole of my being as well as my senses ... sitting quietly... It was almost as if I knew who he was. Being the owner of that information didn’t make me any the less dumfounded. So ... I continued to sit calmly as I certainly did not feel threatened. I decided to wait until he spoke, this was my bedroom and if I remembered rightly, I hadn’t invited him here.

In the surround sound-less noise of silence, I observed the man’s physical presence ... Being a woman, I quickly noted he was very handsome... In a sort of rugged kind of way with the most beautiful brown eyes any man should ever have in his possession. His hair was long to the shoulder; it had a kink that ran straight through it. He possessed a fully grown beard and moustache, which enhanced the brown colour of his hair and eyes. If he had been standing, he looked as if he would have reached 6ft easy and his build appeared athletic, although it was really hard to tell because he was tightly wrapped up in a long thick dark overcoat. He looked cold. His eyes gently flicked from my eyes to my hands to the wall to my eyes and still he did not speak. Many minutes passed and I became fed up of waiting for him to speak, so I asked him...

“Are you God?” Silence broken, he responded with a warm wonderful husky hoarseness.

“Yes my child” the goose bumps were prevalent, I rubbed my arms hoping they would disappear.

“Why are you here?”

“You called out for me”

“No... No honestly, I didn’t”

“Yes my child you did, you didn’t just call out for me you screamed”

Sat there, I wondered what to make of it. If I didn’t know any better I would say I was asleep but I knew I wasn’t.

“You have me at a loss; I don’t remember calling, shouting, or even screaming for you”

My room lit up with the warmth of gods smile....

“Its ok child, you don’t have to worry yourself, it will come back to you and when it does I will be here”

More time passed and still we sat there....

“It’s not coming back God... I still don’t remember”

His face smiled again... It was during that smile I remembered....

Once I had called out to god because I was distressed with life, with bad memories, with difficulties. He didn’t answer me... so there and then, I told him in no uncertain terms... I was not happy with him or his messengers. I reminded him that sometime in the past I had needed help and support but when I’d asked he was not there....

Again the room lit up and I watched as this beautiful man leaned forward,

“Child I was there, just like I am now... only this time you caught me... you have caught me on one of my many visits”

“So you’re trying to tell me, you come here often” His head nodded rhythmically ...

“How come I have never seen you before then?”

“You have my child... you have, you just don’t remember”

Thinking about all the times I had needed him, here he was in the flesh telling me he was always here, always had been and always would be ... my heart couldn’t help wondering why I had never felt him before.

Reading my thoughts, god told me he was going to allow me to remember this visit, he realised it was very important for me to understand he was on my side. This was not going to be the last visit.... Oh No... There were to be more... Softly he asked me if the next time he came he could bring one of his messengers, another of his reasons for visiting this evening was to also let me know it was my turn to become aware... fully aware of my purpose here on earth....

If I had gawped at him earlier, then my eyes must have suddenly become huge, round, shiny saucers ... If it's one thing I have always known... It's that I happened for a reason...

God smiled, his eyes twinkled and this time he lit up my heart...

“Now my child go back to sleep dream sweet dreams of vivid memories.... your in my heart and always will be, one day when the time is right you will be a messenger... a messenger of great importance”

“I’m a messenger?” My heart raced with excitement as I climbed into bed.

“Not yet my child, one day your work will be extraordinarily exceptional”

I looked at god and thanked him from the bottom of my heart for coming to see me. I told him I looked forward to our next chat...

Smiling he pulled the bedclothes up to my chin... Looking up, I asked if he could bring the messenger soon, I wanted to talk with a real live Messenger... smiling again he gently touched my forehead.

A shrill shrieking alarm sounded off... Jumping up, I grabbed my clock.... sitting there I looked around my room but alas the bedroom and its chair were empty....

Thoughts...Thoughts and more glorious Thoughts....

Over the past few months whilst writing, I have learned so much...

I seriously didn’t realise there was so much that had to be learned. I’m well aware the process will be ongoing... Like life itself I suppose...

I've also noticed, especially from reading lots of extra material the different styles writers use. For me it's almost allowed me a tiny peek into their own character. Knowing this, I have gradually learned my own style... it's shown me clearly, I'm a writer who likes to speak plainly with a no nonsense approach from my observations of the human world and its characters...

It’s always felt really important to me, to be able to share. For me becoming a published writer... will be like getting that one in a million golden ticket from Willy Wonker's chocolate factory.... I suppose emerging from my own neglected background it thankfully didn’t stop me being able to view the world from a more positive prospectus. It simply made my thoughts and views become more prominent, enabling me to understand clearly what I wanted for myself for the future.

The place I’m at today, for me is the best place to date. When I created my Blog earlier this year It felt wonderful just knowing I had a stage, a platform to air my thoughts, views, opinions and best of all my stories.

I also excitedly discovered, I’m very good at losing myself especially when I’m developing characters and plots, I find hours have gone by. I'm amazed and honestly cant believe the time I've spent thinking, writing and plotting the structures for my characters as the stories unfold. I can truly say, it’s been the best therapy I have ever received. Certain characters have become as real to me as you are – they talk to me, I see them visually in my minds eye ... it’s almost like I've witnessed their birth.... I suppose I have really.

I'm realistic though. I know I definitely have much more to learn but never before has there been a more willing participant. My dream... is to transform, thrill, humour, refresh, unnerve, elate, charm, cause tension, most of all I want to tell the story that you will always remember and for you to feel as if you’re in the plot, watching all the characters with a birds eye view.

I don’t want to pigeonhole myself into a genre that will encapsulate me... freezing me into a theme or into a story collection, that doesn’t allow me to reach out, spread my eager tentacles... so that I can't experiment in whatever way my brain wants to delve into with this in mind I'm encouraged to continue full speed ahead to share and deliver.

Has well as my desired story telling... I have more to show you, so much life experience. Not just from my own life but from the lives of others, people I have observed over the years, in my own desperate attempt at enabling a deeper protective mechanism to keep myself safe... In the past I always thought my life depended on it.

So many thoughts, so many reasons.... I‘m loving the knowledge, that one day It will all have been worth it, because I will be able to share my thoughts ideas and opinions with the world, allowing others to sense a different energy and another possible solution to their thoughts..... I know I wont touch everybody, it would be conceited to think I could but I also believe you can't touch anyone who doesnt want to be touched...

Come closer my little chicken..... If you think I’m being a little bit too optimistic, then just remember... Optimism has become my middle name....

Summers Final Destination Part 2................

Part 2 includes the conclusion.....

Spying a seat a very tired Summer gently lowered herself into the sitting position, next to a young man who turned briefly glancing at her sideways. Turning more fully towards him she asked politely if he was ok, no answer... exhausted she Sighed deeply
“I might as well be invisible”
“Aha..." He scoffed, "not another newbie” She looked at him quizzically. Reading her thoughts he announced,
“You will see, it will all become crystal clear, then you will understand”. Feeling impatient and awkward she cried
“but I want to understand now” shaking his head he explained
“Not possible... it’s a process, call it a progression that you have to go through” He stood up swiftly, walking away.
“Please” she cried sadly “Please”.... sitting back down he bent forwards, leaning heavily on his knees. Holding both hands together he waited a few moments. Without moving his body he turned his head towards her, “In two minutes your world will crash, it will fall apart because through those doors people will appear, people you know... they wont know you because...."

before he could finish the A&E plastic double doors swung open with a heart stopping crash, a Paramedic shouted “We need assistance”

Summers eyes were immediately drawn past the paramedics; she was stunned to see her parents.... she felt weak with shock to see how pale they looked... Seeing fear within their eyes, she watched them walk slowly almost painfully, clutching each other. Jumping up from her seat, released like a jack in its box... feeling tremendous concern, she hurried forward calling out to them. Not hearing her they walked on.

A nurse with big sad eyes gently escorted them into a familiar room, Summer fearfully followed through double wooden doors finding within the room... beautiful flowers, a big shiny golden cross, a white silk sheet with the most exquisite golden cord attached lying on a bed with wheels. A second Nurse came into the room and with a hushed voice she spoke to her parents. Her mother was crying, big bubble like tears slid down her face, her father was stony steel faced, she had seen that look before but couldn’t remember where... her head hurt!

The 2nd nurse nodded her head, indicating to the first nurse with the big sad eyes to remove the silk sheet, allowing for a better view. On witnessing what was beneath the sheet, Summer’s hand flew to her mouth, biting down hard tasting her own blood. What she saw was horrifying.

Summers reaction instantly became stifled when she heard her mothers guttural scream, “Nooooooo, oh my god... My beautiful baby girl, please... Noooo” Immediately, the whole atmosphere changed it was charged and electrified... the light became brighter. Summer knew there was no going back. The clarity of the situation clearly confirmed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a brighter, whiter, stronger, light instantly knowing its supreme importance; she also knew her blue lady had silently returned... Summer needed a few more minutes, she didn’t want to take her eyes away from her parents, she loved them, she wanted to tell them... god how she loved them.

The sugary voice patiently reminded her “it’s time to say goodbye” for Summer the extraordinary emptiness she was experiencing was completely overwhelming... Her own tears cascading now down her face “Do I have to, can I please hug them”? Blue Lady nodded gently. Summer opened out her arms as wide as she could, completely wrapping both of them tightly around her parents. In doing this she sensed her parents fiercely clutching each other as if their very lives depended on it. Summer knew instinctively they were strong. Eventually they would be alright. Time after all was a healer.

Reluctantly very slowly, Summer moved backwards reaching out for the pale delicate out-stretched hand of her blue lady. In that instant Summer realised why the blue lady looked so familiar, it was because she recognised her. The blue lady smiled wider....

"Yes Summer I'm your grandmother" With incredible mixed feelings for Summer, they both smiled now... their recognition acknowledged... holding hands tightly looking towards the warm bright light; both were gone in a heartbeat...

Summers final destination was at last painfully complete....

Summers Final Destination Part 1.................

Summer lay in uncompromising agony wondering if he really knew what he was doing. She tried to force her eyes shut whilst he clumsily prised them open.

In the misty distance she could hear the high pitched wailing of a siren... Again the guy with his mop of dark straggly hair continued to lift her eye lids, only this time he was pounding on her chest. Frantically her mind tried to make sense of what she could see. Trying to focus on him left her feeling even more confused, Summer could see his mouth moving but she couldn't hear any sound. All she could hear was the screaming of a siren and it's ever increasing closeness.

Lying broken like a rag doll on the hard pavement, Summer brought a shaky blood soaked hand up towards her face, brushing away her long red hair from very sore eyes. A surge of fear erupted from within ... that’s strange, my hand is the same colour as my hair but before she could dissolve into complete hysteria, she heard the sweetest voice... with immense effort she squinted through the blinding light; standing tall behind the guy who was kneeling besides her, Summer could clearly see a lady with piercing blue eyes. Her own eyes now filled with pain flickered, she tried to focus on the blue lady. Summer knew there was something familiar about her.

“I know you, I’m sure I do... I know you” The lady's voice became louder shouting above the wail of approaching sirens’

"Summer its ok, don't worry... I have come to collect you for your next journey." Summer closed her eyes again, blue lady... Journey... what Journey? I want to go home... Please let me go home.

The next voice she heard was masculine, deep, demanding, almost to the point of shouting,

“Can you hear me”? Opening her eyes again she saw a different guy kneeling beside her. This guy was dressed in a dark uniform. A little more gently now he said

“can you hear me young lady”? “You’ve had an accident... its ok, I’m a paramedic I’m going to help you” Everything started to fade. In what felt like slow motion, Summer clearly saw the car hurtling through the air flying towards her, she knew there was no escape. She screamed... her heart stopped... she closed her eyes.

Summer had been on her way to meet up with friends for an exciting shopping trip; they had all been given much sought after tickets to a beach party. It was such a beautiful day. Her head was hurting, it kept going dark but she could still see all her friends’ their faces floating before her like a weird mist.

She opened her eyes; feeling vibrations from the ambulance, she knew it was moving and moving fast, its siren sounded like a screaming banshee.... its crazy flashing lights.... She could see the paramedics working quickly with her, attaching all kinds of machinery and tubes. She heard a soft calm voice “stabilising now” looking further over towards the back end of the ambulance, was that the blue lady? “When you’re ready Summer” her sugary voice smiling.

She frowned questioningly “ready”? The softly spoken paramedic quickly blurted

“Jack she’s talking” Jack bent his head towards her face, she could smell his aftershave, it made her think warmly of her dad.
“What is it sweetheart?” Jack said gently. In view of his closeness she whispered

“I have to go” Jack jumped upright as if he had been electrocuted

“No no... Sweetheart, you’re staying here we will be at the hospital soon, you’re in real good hands”

She sensed her smiling blue eyed Lady even closer.

“Come Summer, it is time” Summer felt herself rise like a plume of feathers. Tentatively she held out her hand to the blue lady; when their fingertips touched, a high pitched squealing bleep hit the interior of the ambulance.

“Quick Jack flat-line…” Jack moved like grease lightening, flicking his hand towards his assistant Vasopressin injection … once the injection was securely slapped into Jack's hand he injected, following with chest compressions, counting rhythmically.

“Come on... Come on...” Jack muttered. “Come on...” With no sign of any electrical activity Jack quickly followed through with Defibrillation. After what seemed an eternity both paramedics looked at one another, a calm, sad, stubborn silence followed them all the way to the hospital.

Summer still holding on to her blue lady’s hand, glanced back towards herself lying on the ambulance bed, she felt an overwhelming sense that she was about to be taken some place from where she would never return. With a lingering glance backwards she witnessed the assistant paramedic brushing away his salty tears... With the blink of an eye Summer found
herself in a crisp white room... Looking around she saw the Blue lady sitting on a chair, still smiling.

After waiting a few moments Summer felt unsure about what to do, not sure what was expected of her. She was about to speak when big wooden double doors were hurriedly pushed open, making Summer jump....
“You set the room up Martha; I will bring family members in as soon as they arrive”.

Martha efficiently set about busying herself ignoring the room’s occupants, Summer wanted to speak to her... The room was deathly quiet. Eventually with a little nervous cough she quietly said “Excuse me” this met with a hushed silence. Martha continued about her business. Summer felt troubled, not knowing what else to do, she sighed looking towards the blue lady;

“Please, what’s going on ... Why am I here”? Blue Lady’s smile diminished
“You will see my dear, don’t be alarmed... for now I have to leave you. This has been the first part of your journey.... the second part is about to begin”. Pausing briefly she continued,
“I will see you soon for the third part” before summer could respond there was a white flash of bright light. Her blue lady was gone.

Summer utterly confused, feeling more anxious than ever, felt very alone. Glancing towards the wooden double doors she moved towards them, gliding swiftly into the bright clean corridor.

On the corridor she quickly realised she was in a very busy A&E dept of a hospital.

She silently watched blue flashing lights with Dr’s & nurses frantically receiving the injured or poorly occupants from paramedics.

What a week.............

My thoughts for the week begin with that dreaded word.... ILLNESS.... Arghhhhh...

I was a bit poorly and more than anything I desperately wanted a magical Angel to wrap its soft white wings around me and help me get better....... glad to say I'm fandabedozie now. You know it goes without saying we all have to look after ourselves, watch those nasty little viruses... watch those coughs and sneezes because they spread diseases....remember the hand wash code and especially keep those stress levels in check... I spent 4 days in bed and thankfully on the 4th evening it ran its course... On Thursday I was back in work and filling up on the stress levels again...

I say it all the time but it's true.... The weeks are flying!!! When you work full-time I’m sure they fly faster.... For me this wobbly week has been a nice short week. Glad to say the weekend came around that bit faster. And what a weekend we have planned... we had to be up very early today... we had pre-arranged for a guy to come and fit a new ceiling in our kitchen, due to a previous leak... It looks fabulous now.

Then Maddie, our mental cocker spaniel was booked in at the doggy beauty parlour for a right good grooming.... We dropped her off and decided it would probably be the only spare time we could get for shopping with that in mind it was off to Tesco, making sure we got everything on our list and you know what it's like, getting more besides. It was back to collect Maddie then home to unload and stock up the cupboards including the freezer... While Doug was unloading the shopping I was very supportive.... busy getting very important pictures of Maddie’s new look for her fan club. Maddie shot off up the garden to happily show Thomas our black and white cat her brand new look.

So folks, despite a shaky start to the week I'm happy to announce it finished beautifully... Right now I'm in my study having worked a little on my Polly Tucker, which I might add is coming along beautifully..... I also have to dutifully report that from down-stairs I can smell the most delicious aroma of Scottish soup..... Doug is cooking away and I can’t wait to taste his offerings.... Yum Yum.

I am happy to say I have managed to do a bit more writing this week and surprisingly enough not actually when I was ill although during those sleepy periods I did dream up alot of new & exciting ideas ....

Until next week big warm hug and lots of Angel kisses.... Mwah xxxx

Family life is forever.... Parents love unconditional...

Most of us take lovely scenes like this for granted....

Most of us knew when we were born we were loved... we were wanted & very importantly we were going to be cherished... Most of us knew when we were brought into this world it was planned, wanted and our devoted and loving parents had it all organised. They would take care of us and they would plan our future, if possible making sure we had everything we needed... But right at the beginning.... right from the very start.... we had love... food, clean clothes, daily routines, boundaries just to show us they cared.... Extended family members would also love and take care of us.... Our parents would only let safe, reliable, caring people into our lives.... we had nothing to worry about... or did we??

If your here and reading this...and you were one of the lucky ones and all of the above happened for you, then congratulations... but if your one of those who weren’t that lucky then welcome to my club.... If your experience of family life was dreadful, if you were always scared, if you became frightened of your own shadow.... If you never knew when the next meal would come or if you were going to get a good hiding or worse still if the things you experienced ended up making you aggressive, violent and always on the defence, well it just goes to show we are not all the same and sometimes the same experiences can and do affect us in a lots of different ways and at different levels.

If you’re reading this and you were brought up in care.... then I will cyber shake your hand and let you know I was too... If you were brought up in care and your memories are dreadful then I would like to share this with you... yes, being brought up in care for me was not all roses around the door, but you know what.... I was happier in care then I realised. Looking back it was the best thing that could ever have happened for me and my siblings....

I remember when I was 8 yrs old I knew at long last I had been brought to the right place. Inside I felt Yes, somebody was going to look after me, somebody was going to show me what to do.... I desperately needed a role model and I was eager to hear what normal family life was like.... If we share a similar past you know our lives were far from normal and despite me not knowing any different until I went into care, I later learned It was often commented on what a mature young lady I was for my age and probably it was thought I had been blessed with more sense then my biological parents put together... On going into care I soon realised people were different. Having the up-bringing I did I could already read a room... In a big major care-home I progressed to being able to read different personality's enabling my protection mechanism to remain in tact, after all that's what had taken care of me so far...... I also realised people much preferred a happy person and because for whatever reason, I was a resilient child... I was able to learn about life very quickly, as I am sure a lot of you did too. Looking back the thing I am most pleased about is at no point did I ever believe people were all the same and never did I blame anybody for my parents mistakes. I think that's what made me into the people's person I am today... because I don't mind people and their differences. I truly believe that's what makes us all unique....

I have always referred to myself as a child of Salford... I feel Salford was instrumental in looking after me as well as out for me, making sure I was fed, clothed, educated. When looking back, I always feel that because of my difficult past they (Salford) had a lot of un-doing to do and I will always be forever grateful to each and every single one of those strangers who took care of me and my siblings in whatever way they personally contributed... Don’t get me wrong, you could tell for some of them it was just a job... but for every one of them... there were 10 more that had feelings, bringing a wonderful sensitivity to the job of caring for us children, within the care system...

I have always felt it important not to let the past drag you down... I suppose my way of dealing with it was to try at all times to remain bright & positive and remember as an adult I had choices and it was important I didn’t allow something my parents did make my future bleak... So I consciously made a private promise, it helped loads when I reminded myself that at the end of the day, I had been a child when all the bad stuff happened... so it wasn’t my fault and to be honest if you’ve read ‘my letter’ you will know it was their loss....

Now my friend if you’re reading this and you've had a difficult time for what ever reason coming to terms with your own childhood... just remember this, your the adult now... your choices will ultimately bring you and your own family joy or even sadness, because your the one in charge of yours and their future... we can only get away with blaming others for so long, we have to take responsibility ourselves.... Now come on think about it... If you get anything from this article then my deepest wish for you today is this..... go on to have that wonderfully rewarding life you always wanted.... it can happen and it does... Good Luck! :)

ANGEL AT WORK..................

ANGEL AT WORK......
EXPECT RANDOM MIRACLES.........

I was given this wonderful thought today by a very good friend of mine... Hilda... It made me feel warm, so I smiled.

I decided when I got home I would find an appropriate picture, retrieve those wonderful words then post it on my blog... which will also proudly adorn my study room door and hopefully ensure I'm on the other side tapping away hard on my keyboard, viewing my screen, whilst using my brain cells... as I gently relax with a sense of knowing I am quite possibly creating a miracle or two just by having those words with-in my home..... Love it Hilda! Cos I know anything’s possible........... Thank you for reminding me!

I will also add... that those lovely words came just at the right time, because what I wasn't able to share with Hilda today (we were so very busy) ... was this... I received an email this morning with the disappointing news.... in one of my competitions I had been unsuccessful, despite them telling me the story was enjoyed by the reader!!!

Ahhh well Onwards and Upwards... I won’t be giving up... I'll be Back... xxxx