Most of us take lovely scenes like this for granted....Most of us knew when we were born we were loved... we were wanted & very importantly we were going to be cherished... Most of us knew when we were brought into this world it was planned, wanted and our devoted and loving parents had it all organised. They would take care of us and they would plan our future, if possible making sure we had everything we needed... But right at the beginning.... right from the very start.... we had love... food, clean clothes, daily routines, boundaries just to show us they cared.... Extended family members would also love and take care of us.... Our parents would only let safe, reliable, caring people into our lives.... we had nothing to worry about... or did we??
If your here and reading this...and you were one of the lucky ones and all of the above happened for you, then congratulations... but if your one of those who weren’t that lucky then welcome to my club.... If your experience of family life was dreadful, if you were always scared, if you became frightened of your own shadow.... If you never knew when the next meal would come or if you were going to get a good hiding or worse still if the things you experienced ended up making you aggressive, violent and always on the defence, well it just goes to show we are not all the same and sometimes the same experiences can and do affect us in a lots of different ways and at different levels.
If you’re reading this and you were brought up in care.... then I will cyber shake your hand and let you know I was too... If you were brought up in care and your memories are dreadful then I would like to share this with you... yes, being brought up in care for me was not all roses around the door, but you know what.... I was happier in care then I realised. Looking back it was the best thing that could ever have happened for me and my siblings....
I remember when I was 8 yrs old I knew at long last I had been brought to the right place. Inside I felt Yes, somebody was going to look after me, somebody was going to show me what to do.... I desperately needed a role model and I was eager to hear what normal family life was like.... If we share a similar past you know our lives were far from normal and despite me not knowing any different until I went into care, I later learned It was often commented on what a mature young lady I was for my age and probably it was thought I had been blessed with more sense then my biological parents put together... On going into care I soon realised people were different. Having the up-bringing I did I could already read a room... In a big major care-home I progressed to being able to read different personality's enabling my protection mechanism to remain in tact, after all that's what had taken care of me so far...... I also realised people much preferred a happy person and because for whatever reason, I was a resilient child... I was able to learn about life very quickly, as I am sure a lot of you did too. Looking back the thing I am most pleased about is at no point did I ever believe people were all the same and never did I blame anybody for my parents mistakes. I think that's what made me into the people's person I am today... because I don't mind people and their differences. I truly believe that's what makes us all unique....
I have always referred to myself as a child of Salford... I feel Salford was instrumental in looking after me as well as out for me, making sure I was fed, clothed, educated. When looking back, I always feel that because of my difficult past they (Salford) had a lot of un-doing to do and I will always be forever grateful to each and every single one of those strangers who took care of me and my siblings in whatever way they personally contributed... Don’t get me wrong, you could tell for some of them it was just a job... but for every one of them... there were 10 more that had feelings, bringing a wonderful sensitivity to the job of caring for us children, within the care system...
I have always felt it important not to let the past drag you down... I suppose my way of dealing with it was to try at all times to remain bright & positive and remember as an adult I had choices and it was important I didn’t allow something my parents did make my future bleak... So I consciously made a private promise, it helped loads when I reminded myself that at the end of the day, I had been a child when all the bad stuff happened... so it wasn’t my fault and to be honest if you’ve read ‘my letter’ you will know it was their loss....
Now my friend if you’re reading this and you've had a difficult time for what ever reason coming to terms with your own childhood... just remember this, your the adult now... your choices will ultimately bring you and your own family joy or even sadness, because your the one in charge of yours and their future... we can only get away with blaming others for so long, we have to take responsibility ourselves.... Now come on think about it... If you get anything from this article then my deepest wish for you today is this..... go on to have that wonderfully rewarding life you always wanted.... it can happen and it does... Good Luck! :)
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