What's happening in your life?

This week I'm dedicating my blog to a group I belong to called ‘Warrior Sisters’ Recently I nervously shared something personal with the group and the only way I can describe their response to my disclosure was that one by one they automatically engulfed me in love and acceptance as well as the brightest fiercest light that I could feel as it embraced me within it's healing energy. It came at the right time and I’m glad to say I’m still feeling it today. I’ll never forget their warm loving reaction, my constant hope is that I’ll always be there for them, should they ever need me.

Oh how I love to write about happenings in life, past, present and future... Sharing and caring about life, love, living, laughing and crying, experiences we live each and every day.

On occasion I’ve found a simple experience will bring from within a huge rush of feelings which follows in opening up new and old memories, incorporating wonderful familiar faces. Usually it's people who’ve been in my life and meant something special, but for whatever reason are no longer with me treading life’s extraordinary path.

It happened this morning (Fri) on my way into work... driving the 40min journey, whilst listening to tunes a memorable song blasted out and hey presto... I shivered as I felt myself pulled in another time warp. I became bombarded with good, bad, sad and happy recollections and just because of one silly song on a rainy work day morning. Recognisable faces floated before me, I realised as painful as some memories can be I was glad I’d known all of these individuals... at the same time I sensed profound sadness because unfortunately they were no longer in my life.

In addition, I knew it was about time I stopped beating myself up about things, since I felt I was not there for some people and if I’m honest I became conscious long ago about that very sad fact and I suppose the big burning question is... who was there for me? I appreciate that question doesn't right a wrong. I just comprehend; one cannot keep beating them-selves up forever. My strong sense of fair-play, shouts at me, responsibility should be shared equally as I also know only to well that this wouldn’t ever sit right with some people. I’m just clear in the bigger scheme of things, when we close our eyes for that last and final time, all of this won’t even matter.

It’s not all gloomy doom, I also managed a smile especially when I thought of others... happy, beautiful memories, happy times. There are a couple of people who were once in my life, whose impact on me was phenomenal ... they will always be that warm embrace you feel when you remember something beautifully gorgeous... but, sometimes as we all instinctively know, it’s better not to maintain friendships, given the moving on syndrome... however, nothing or no one can ever take away precious memories recalled with clarity. This brings some well-known words to mind...

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

Just to confirm, they were all meant to be... with love and acceptance we've all moved on.

As some of you know this has been a particularly hard year for my family and I. Unfortunately the affects are not over but I’m still able to feel joyfully happy in sharing with you that the brightest light in my darkest tunnel is that my beautiful girl, is having a baby... I’m going to be a grandmother, a responsibility I’ll take seriously. All the living and learning I’ve accomplished in my life is going to be put to very good use, as I’ve already done with my own beautiful girl.

I experienced a significant dream, I feel I’ve already magically met my grandchild, I know the baby’s gender and something noteworthy and unusual happens in the labour room. But, for now I want to hang on to that information and share another time. I will say this if my dream is to be believed, I have witnessed the baby’s birth, held and met the bluest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. So if my life proceeds as I wish, I know I’ll be a big part of my grandchild’s future.

Despite negatives in life I’m gloriously thankful; I have somehow managed not to lose the absolute ability to appreciate life, and love with people in this wondrous world we inhabit.

Signed, sealed and kissed by AngelJane

It's Good To Be Happy...

Oh the thrill of being responsible for making someone HAPPY! One of my favourite magazines is the well-known ‘Cosmopolitan’ this morning I was able to have a break and whilst reading Cosmopolitan, I found myself thinking about possible future Blog features...

I thought to myself, what to share with my readers?

In the magazine I spied an article on being happy... It was about a website
http://www.mybestthingtoday.com/ According to my magazine the website helps to banish bad weather blues... Ultimately reminding us all that everyday can contain at least one sunny moment. So as you all know, I do try to find interesting snippets about things that will hopefully bring smile’s to faces and yes I know, I know... I also end up bringing a tear to your eye, but in my world today it’s ‘SMILEY DAY’ so I decided to check it out...

I immediately saw mybestthingtoday.com is a new venture from 'LIFECLUBS' (personal improvement workshops) I observed and read with interest some lovely postcards sent in anonymously about the best thing that happened to individual people in their day. I also wondered whether it got its idea from another website I’ve heard about called, http://www.postsecret.com/ which works in a similar way. Individuals send postcards in anonymously sharing their darkest secrets...

I totally agree with ‘Physiologies magazine’ (another favourite mag) that reading what other people consider to be the best part of their day can help us appreciate the good things when they happen to us. And in my own book, anything that helps us feel good about anything is well worth a look… :)

30. Domestic Service. Our Senator is Missing...

When all around you moves in slow motion and your brain disengages... you must know you’re body's in shock and the time's come for you to stop... breathe slowly, so that your able to concentrate on reality, focus on the event, quickly ensure everyone's accounted for and safe... But unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Sadly the senators PA, Jonathon and security crew soon discovered...

Jonathon’s ashen face reveals all as he stares disbelievingly at the carnage before him. A walkie-talkie's been thrust into his grasp. He spots Jake lying in a heap at the back end of the car, he’s not moving, it doesn’t look good. Moving over to Crystal he kneels beside her. Into the communicator he frantically hisses a request for more back up and demands ambulance services hurry-up. Gently he talks to her. Within her eyes he observes distress as she stares over at Jake. It’s not hard to see the guy’s in big damn trouble.

The whirring noise over-head deafens, Jonathan can’t hear himself think. Security floods the area. Police helicopters circle the property.

Crystal unbelievably tries to get up; pushing her back gently he hears her commanding him to listen...

“6ft 2” medium build, brown eyes, head covered with a black balaclava, eyebrows brown, black faded leather jacket, blue jeans faded-black t-shirt a Pepsi emblem on the front across the chest” she stops to breath, “suspect wore grubby white trainers with a hole in the right toe piece, tip of his little finger missing on his left hand, on his right hand forefinger, a silver band”

Jonathon parrot like, repeats word for word her observations into the shiny black walkie-talkie. Amid the chaos he guiltily realises if he had any doubts about Crystal’s professional abilities, then he needn’t have.

Crystal cries Jake’s name out loud.

“Over here” Jonathon screams to ambulance personnel.

When he’s satisfied Jake and Crystal are in the ambulance, he moves quickly into the house.

Second in command of security after Jake, Alex Mahoney steps forward,

“Sorry Jonathon this is a no-go area”

“The senator and his family, are they ok?”

An uncomfortable silence follows; it penetrates his heart causing ice cold needles to sting.

“Tell me there ok for god’s sake” he demands.

“The senator’s missing, according to the security diary, Kristina and the children are with grandparents, we’re still waiting for that to be confirmed”

Alex stops to assess Jonathon’s take on things then continues.

“It appears on their return Crystal and Jake interrupts.”

Just as Alex‘s hand-piece crackles into life, he brushes a large hairy hand across his bald patch above greying hair.

Jonathon falls against the wall. Images of he and the senator playing poker emerge from inside his brain.

“Jonathon, as the senators PA we’re going to need your input, unfortunately there are two further fatalities in the kitchen, we believe it to be the maid and cook?”

“God no, no how the hell can this be happening, security was stepped up, tightened, even increased due to recent threats”

“Without revealing classified information, it appears we have a leak from within which is currently being investigated.” Alex studies Jonathon’s body language, “you gonna be ok?” He asks.

Jonathon doesn’t answer instead; he squeezes his eyes shut. When he re-opens them Alex is gone. Walking towards the kitchen, the chaos is apparent, vases smashed and strewn across the floor as if a struggle’s taken place; Jonathon knew the senator wouldn’t have gone without a fight.

The kitchen door's wide open, two deceased females lie close to one another, blood's splattered across the kitchen units as if they've been callously shot at point black range. Dear god they must have seen it coming thought Jonathon as he crouched on his haunches, elbows on his knees cradling a head incapable of digesting the horrific scene before him. In all of his life he’d never felt so helpless and alone.

“Can we help you sir?” came a warm southern voice.

Looking up he saw four suits surrounding him.

“Yeah, I need to get to the hospital”

WRITING, LIVING, LOVING & LAUGHING...

Here’s one conscientious blogger who'll never get tired of advising her fellow human inhabitants... To change our world, we have to look within to make those changes we want to see happen in our world...

During the past year I’ve learned much about living & writing. I know what it means to live, breath and feel my own writing through words & thoughts and by regularly embracing my imagination. I know only too well what it brings into my life and I'm aware of how it makes me feel right through to my core. Over the past 24months I’ve healed so much... probably much more so than in the last 30 years. I sense that’s because I’ve turned full circle and found the opportunity and inclination to write. Consequently I can observe and truly feel life’s valuable lessons.

For me writing has brought a blend of creativity and imagination which I feel has somehow magically developed my storytelling skills. I see from reading others, we all possess a wonderful style that I presume reflects important parts of our personalities. I find it very interesting when I read my own work back; I distinctly hear my voice with all its quirks and twists. One of my wishes is that when others read me, they like the style and sense the genuine sincerity from my tone.

I also hope as a writer when I scribe be it fact or fiction, I want to reflect my own style and attitude as it's personally felt at the time of me writing. I recognise when writing, my whole thought process and attitude can be extreme depending of course on the subject matter... For instance, I've found when I write fiction I’m able to see and sense the very place I write about and I know I’ve reported this before, but the characters are as real to me as my own family. So if my readers comprehend my writing style as I’ve written it... I know my story/article will affect them, which is just one of the many reasons I enjoy writing.

I realise I’m not the best writer in the world and although initially that was extremely important to me, over the months I’ve happily discovered it’s not as important as I once thought. The important thing for me is that I am real and write to the very best of my ability, enabling readers to enjoy and get something from whatever I’ve written. I especially want them to hear my voice and feel its tone. Depending on what the subject is, I’d also be pleased to know they hear within my style the objective getting the informal and personal flow. I hope they get the informative or affective style and essentially detect the attitude from within the pages.

So when you think of writers just sitting down and tapping away or burning the ink along blank pages... I think I'm right in saying for most of us it’s a much more important job. We consider our readers and the affect our words, thoughts and ideas may have on them. I very often hear that words are soooooooooooo powerful... they can boost, energise and give hope... they empower and undo... The power of having the right words at the right time as we all know can be phenomenal and if said at the right time can be healing.

I’ve also read quite a bit recently on individuals encouraging us to be controversial, challenging with words as well as a firm attitude. Although I don’t disagree with using these skills should one need them, I do disagree with flaunting oneself in a manner that comes across as aggressive or even hostile, possibly giving the view to others of being un-compromising.

This week I have been accused of being ‘too soft’ when faced with this accusation I smiled. Personally... as I've already stated in a previous blog, I’d much rather work with honey then vinegar and through the years I’ve witnessed more positive results my way, not just from actions but with my words. I decided long ago I'd much rather be soft then hold a cold hard heart. Unfortunately I’ve witnessed people with this quality and its my opinion they do nothing in terms of their best for the people they work with.... I cannot over empathise this point enough but, it can be done by simply remembering, no matter who we converse, interact or support... just gently remind yourself, this could be your daughter, sister, mother, aunty, niece, son, uncle, dad, brother.

Everyone, no matter whom it is... is unconditionally important!

Namaste.

29. Domestic Service... Togetherness.

When a window of opportunity presents itself, Crystal finally grabs the bull by both its horns and makes a liberating clean slate. She must express her feelings; tell Jake honestly how she feels... but the question is will he receive this information lovingly, or because of their occupations will he stop her in her tracks? Nervous, she contemplates the situation deciding it’s now or never.

Leaning against the kitchen table with his arms folded, Jake grins.

“You ready then?”

“Yes of course”

The drive to the shopping mall is excruciating. Crystal overwhelmed completely with nerves wants simply to blurt her heart out, but realistically she knows it needs doing face to face.

Jake quiet as a church mouse thinks deep thoughts; every so often he flash flicks his eyes sideways, curious as to what Crystal’s doing. Viewing the scenery, Crystal in her own little world is thankful that the day is warm, sunny and beautiful. She knows a golden opportunity has presented itself. She realises this is the first time she and Jake have been alone together without of course the added pressure of being immersed in their working environment.

The hum from the air conditioner switches off as Jake parks up.

Jake ever the gentleman he is shoots round to her side of the car to open it. This endears him even further.

“Right then madam, where to first?” Jake enquires, teasing.

The next 3 hours the couple spend their shopping time viewing, buying necessities with care. Each purchase has a firm destination.

“I’m shattered” Crystal sighs.

“Right then, Lets go and eat”

They spy a really beautiful restaurant overlooking a seriously stunning lake.

Jake and Crystal are wait a few moments before they are shown to their seats; both take in the gorgeous architecture of the building and the beauty of its surroundings. Crystal doesn’t want the day to end.

The restaurant has a rustic ambience. Its warm interior, feels a little like being in a luxury log cabin in Switzerland. Each table adorns a single stemmed red rose which compliments white silk linen. On the walls hang glorious masterpieces painted by great artists. The couple are moved to the terrace where Crystal thinks it’s appropriately romantic.

Sitting down, a smile passes fleetingly through Crystal’s eyes; thankfully this is not missed by Jake.

After ordering food, a bottle of wine appears which Jake politely refuses, opting for a soft drink instead. Crystal takes a huge gulp, the medium dry white liquid hits the back of her throat and for a second deliciously stings, whilst she feels its heat swish rapidly around her stomach.

Just what I need she thought...

“I’m so glad we’re here today Jake” Crystal quickly says. This is followed by a further gulp of extra strong liquid.

“You are?” he feigns surprise.

“Yes I am” Came Crystals indignant reply.

The lull in conversation feels awkward. Crystal tastes the burn from another mouthful ... she wants to share her thoughts with him, would he understand? Does he feel the same way? Will he reject her? Oh so many questions, so many doubts...

Jake leans back in his chair, smiles at crystals obvious discomfort.

“So you have something to tell me?”

Crystal’s decision to go for it is decidedly done at speed, once she starts words flow like the liquid she’s drinks.

“Yes, I’ve wanted to talk to you for months, but every time we get an opportunity something happens” Crystal feels warm.

“I need to talk to you very much about how I’m feeling”

Pausing, she catches her breath for the briefest moment.

“Ok, so what would you like to discuss?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Err... I just want to share some really deep stuff with you”

“You’re not in trouble are you?”

“No, no not at all” she laughed nervously

Another gulp should do it she thought.

“I want to tell you...” Food arrives, leaving Crystal agitated.

“Go on” Jake encourages.

Picking up her knife and fork she continues.

“Damn it Jake, this is hard enough” she breathes. “I want you to know I think you’re absolutely wonderful and if you don’t mind, I’d like to explore the possibility of seeing you, maybe dating? I realise you may think our working relationship could become compromised, but I promise to be professional at all times” Another gulp from the biggest wine glass she had ever seen. A deep breath as she places her glass on the little mat...

“My career is just as important to me as I know yours is, but if we both want this I know we can work on it, I’ve never, ever felt like this about anyone”

Awkward silence returns.

“Well?” she asks nervously.

The silence is now claustrophobic. Eventually Jake moves in his chair.

“Crystal, I wondered how long it would take you to get that out” Jakes hands reach across the table, warmly he entwines strong fingers through hers and then squeezes reassuringly.

Crystal breathes like it’s her first breath... It feels like she’s died and gone to heaven.

Relaxed and laughing she replies, “I can’t tell you how nervous I’ve been”

With a look of seriousness, Jake whispers

“This can’t get out Crystal, the chances are you would lose your job, relationships within the service are taboo and definitely not encouraged and we have to be very careful, take our time and see how it goes”

Big wet happy tears slip down pink cheeks, it’s all Crystal ever wanted. The two of them spend the next 2 hours talking non-stop. When it’s time to go, Crystal wishes with all her heart that the night could last forever.

Reading her mind Jake promises to bring night caps to her room when the house is asleep.

It wasn’t long before they pulled in through the double security gates and drove up to the house. With a stolen touching smile, mindful of the secrecy with the love of her life, Crystal shyly lowers her eyes as she proceeds to move into the residence... her mind captivated elsewhere, didn’t expect to be shot through the chest as she opened the side door... Jake jumped, alerted to the cracking sound of a shotgun fired, he spins around. The world for him slows down to a micro movement per millisecond as in horror he watches Crystal frantically clutch her chest then collapse to the ground. Scrambling to pull the driver’s side door open he hears her scream as another shot pierces her left shoulder. Blood is everywhere; very slowly she puts her right hand up to the gunman acknowledging defeat.

Evil personified the gunman stands over her then at point blank range, he fires...

Sylvia's Mother...

Life is strange to say the least. Who knows what sad, weird and wonderful happenings take place around us... Who’s to say we should understand, believe, trust and have faith? Each and every one of us has our own story to tell. Come on, come closer and listen to Sylvia’s. Her story is one of bravery and goes to show how powerful the mind can be. Even when Sylvia lived through something so traumatic, in order to survive it was necessary for her to make up her own reality... or was it made up? Did Sylvia’s mother really return from the other side to protect her daughter...? Read on and make your own mind up!

Gasping for breath Sylvia darts out from the clinging darkness of the tunnel; her heart hammers to the beat of an invisible drum. Clothes now torn and dirty flow from out behind her like beautiful, silky material, dancers wear in faraway dream sequences. Only this isn’t a dream, Sylvia's assailant with brute force pushed her face into filthy wet mud; she still smells the stink of it because it's thickly caked within her nostrils.

Crying from the sheer effort it takes to physically pull herself up the never-ending flight of steps which are set steeply into the side of the hill. Sylvia grabs desperately at the freezing handrail; heaves towards the final step. Glimpses back into terrifying darkness, she’s convinced he hasn’t followed. Grateful, she spots a telephone box.

“999 what is your emergency?” The high pitched tinny voice enquired.

“Police” Sylvia screams “Police”

“Calm down miss, tell me what the problem is?”

“I’ve been attacked; I don’t know where I am”

“Try to remain calm your number is being auto-tracked, I’ll remain on the phone with you until the police get there”

Into the mouth piece Sylvia sobs uncontrollably. Pushing the phone savagely into her right cheek she feels strangely comforted by the fact somebody’s talking to her.

“Are you there Miss?”

“I’m here but I need help, oh my god I’m bleeding I think I need an ambulance”

In the overhead dimness of murky night lights, a deep crimson colour reflects and shimmers.

“Oh my god there’s so much blood”

“Tell me what happened” the tinny voice said calmly “Miss, are you there?”

Sylvia slowly slid down the glass partition of the phone box. Holding her stomach she feels wet and warm, the blood leaks in small pulses through her fingers.

“Miss, Miss are you there?”

“Yes, yeah I’m here but I feel bad, I’m bleeding”

“I have dispatched a police car and ambulance to your tracked location; they will be with you in five minutes”

The operator felt extremely anxious for this young girl, she took repeated calls like this on a regular basis and wondered what the hell she was still doing working here.

Meanwhile on the floor, Sylvia looks over towards the mountain of steps she’d just climbed. In the darkness she saw his silhouette; she screams and screams. He just stands there looking at her. A sick, evil grin spreads throughout his face, in his hand the knife glints like a piece of crystal in blazing sunlight.

Panic stricken she struggles to her feet, Sylvia drops the phone; the alarm in the operator's voice is heard.

"Run, run to the nearest road"

In the distance sirens are heard and although a few minutes ago that would have been comforting, right now it wasn’t.

Looking behind, Sylvia could see even the sound of sirens had not put her attacker off; he walks slowly like a cat playing with its prey.

“Why?” Sylvia screamed as she ran “Why?”

“Because I could” he hissed.

Clutching her stomach, feeling the blood flow fast between her fingers she is convinced the exertion of running is responsible for her feeling dizzy.

You know Sylvia was not a bad person but she didn’t believe in god even so, she senses surprise as she hears herself desperately praying, asking, begging and pleading the good lord for help. Ahead she makes out the main road as well as headlights from vehicles, if she could just get to the road someone would stop.

From behind she hears him; she feels the hairs on her body rise.

“What does it feel like to be hunted?” her attacker whispers menacingly.

Don’t answer, Sylvia thought don’t answer, you need all your strength to run.

“What does it feel like to be hunted?” he hisses again.

One foot in front of the other Sylvia, keep going.

From out of nowhere but within the dark Sylvia suddenly hears her mother’s calm sweet voice,

“Grab my hand darling, hold it tight and run with me like the wind, I will protect you”

Joy surged within Sylvia’s heart, feeling the warm touch from her mother’s hand; it magically spurns her on with speed she’s never felt before.

In the darkness, the sky lights up from the hue of flashing blue lights as they race in haste towards her...

Caught up in bright headlights, three figures run at speed... just as the attacker raises his knife welding right hand for the very last time, a woman turns and slams him to the ground. Without warning Sylvia feels her mother let go, when she screams in fright her mother demands with urgency that she keeps running.

Looking up from his spot the attacker is confused. He sees Sylvia's mother looking down on him in disgust... the attacker still doesn't fathom it out before he closes his eyes for the very last time.

The police officer has to sprint after Sylvia to stop and reassure her that the nightmare is over.

In the back of the ambulance a commotion is taking place.

“What is it?” the paramedic asks.

“My mum, please don’t leave without my mum" Sylvia sobs “she saved me”

The police officer reassures the paramedic.

“The location is being explored and taped off, looks like he stupidly fell onto his knife, we’re just waiting for the coroner” the officer scratches his forehead, “strange though, this young lady meets a clear description of the daughter and mother who disappeared over a week ago”

The paramedic sighs heavily. “She’s hysterical, genuinely believes her mother is still out in the field with her attacker”

The police officer advises Sylvia of the situation, but this just causes her to become more distraught.

The paramedic expertly injects something soothing to calm her; they know they have to rush her in; this young lady has lost a lot of her life’s precious fluid. On closer examination there’s not just one puncture wound, there are numerous stab sites, one in the front with several in her back.

As the paramedic re-sets the drip he knows whatever this guy wanted, he didn’t want her to live.

Banging the doors shut, the blue light resumes its job. The paramedic slowly shakes his head, he observes Sylvia smile as she talks away to her imaginary mother.

If You...

Don’t you just love it when you’re in love?

Don’t you love how it feels when the mind is a screwed up turmoil of emotions which rages ahead like a torrent?

(Whispering these words she knew he could hear, but she wasn’t sure if he was listening)

If you look inside my mind you’ll see a zillion thoughts raging through a maze of time.

If you look into my eyes, you’ll recognise they truly are the windows to my soul. Not only will you see sublime beauty and grace encased with desire, you’ll experience it deeply within your own true spirit.

If you lower those beautiful lashes to happen a look up-on my lips, you’ll realise with every fibre of your ethereal being they were made for you and only you.

If you transpire to look deep inside my heart, I promise you’ll feel completely overwhelmed by the strength of my infinite love, causing you to inhale deeply just from sheer belief...

Then in amongst the majestic swirls of time whilst dreams materialise we’ll feel a true pledge. Wrap your arms around around me and we'll embrace our life with love, It will be then my darling I’ll know at last we’ve come home...

Heart-felt Disappointment...

Disappointment (As defined From Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia) is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations to manifest. Similar to regret, it differs in that the individual feeling regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while the individual feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself

Late night disastrous thoughts, feelings and remedies on a deep, dark, emotion identified long ago as Disappointment...

Oh my goodness, how do we cope with that big emotional rollercoaster that surrounds disappointment? It’s not very often I forward anything to competition. I don’t know why but for this particular publisher I had good vibes and it felt important. I worked for hours and hours on a story that I thought stood a good chance. The time I spent reaching deep inside myself to pull out the very best. Magically I filled in the never ending pages with interminable ideas and thoughts... My characters were larger than life. They should have been, I based them on real people. I knew them inside out... I knew what they were thinking; I knew their goals, their dreams and their nightmares. Even when I wasn't writing, my characters regularly produced real life movie scenes behind the very bones of my skull. Where did I go wrong? What was missing from my beautiful manuscript? Whilst working on my piece I thought positive thoughts. I had a positive expectancy, my hopes were high...

Reading this article some may think, Too High... but, I don’t. I always try to demand the best from myself. I completed several drafts... looked at it from numerous possible view points... I must have read my script a thousand times, looked through it a million times more, simply to eliminate unnecessary chatter, did it flow right? Was there a beginning, middle and an end? I admit I can waffle; I know my style is direct and thorough. I like to use an uncomplicated jargon. Depending on what I’m writing I like to be me... I’m not perfect. I’m just a person with a dream. An individual who if given half the chance would work so hard to make her dream a joyous reality.

When we put our work out into the literary world, it’s a risk and to be honest it’s a risk I’m prepared to take for as long as I have to... It’s my dream; I want to become a brilliant storyteller... Numerous times in the past I’ve openly reported, I’m realistic, I know I won’t be a big literate but, I will be a good teller of stories. My mind is alive, I have enormous ideas, gigantic thoughts, huge plots, commanding characters and the deal is I want to share them.

Sorry to sound so down but I suppose you could say I’m not having a very good year... It started off so beautifully!

Am I going to do anything differently?

Yes, I think maybe I will!

I’ll still maintain my never ending optimism and remain forever hopeful that I will attain realistic goals. I will gather more knowledge and regularly practice my skills. I will hang around with the right people, read their wonderful books and learn as I progress. I will be open to constructive advice and I will try very hard to surround myself with positive energy... If I collect a few more followers along the way, I know that will classify as positive energy an illuminating light penetrating me with a positive self awareness.

Before I close let me post a poem... just to help you if on occasion you feel like me...

Don't Quit...

Don't quit when the tide is lowest
For it's just about to turn
Don't Quit over doubts and questions
For there's something you may learn
Don't quit when the night is darkest
For it's just a while 'til dawn
Don't quit when you've run the farthest
For the race is almost won
Don't quit when the hill is steepest
For your goal is almost nigh
Don't quit, for you're not a failure
Until you fail to try.
- Author unknown -

Sweet dreams... Tomorrow is another day!

I am becoming a Spiritual Warrior

Dalai Lama:

As long as we observe love for others and respect for their rights and dignity in our daily lives, then whether we are learned or unlearned, whether we believe in the Buddha or God, follow some religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy.

The above statement is one of many I connected with during my research... Today, this is why I’m here...

I have been poorly for a while. Please don’t worry, it’s not life threatening. I share this because it’s totally significant for the many, many reasons I chose my current path which I curiously tread on my journey.

I knew it was time I followed my intuition... unfortunately this is something I’ve been ignoring for as long as I care to remember. The reason for my ignorance may become evident as my writing progresses. In addition, it’s important to point out even at this early stage, ignorance is an affliction we’ve all experienced one way or another.

I won’t go into detail now but I think it’s worth saying, for those of you who know me or are familiar with my writing... you may have an inkling of where I’ve come from. Further more if you’re also familiar with my personality then you’ll probably understand my interest in anything spiritual, especially spiritual awakening.

Being poorly gives you time to think... I decided I wanted to be a better person so I started to do some research. Initially this involved wanting to learn how to meditate... this skill then introduced me to many thoughts, ideas and teachings globally. I ended up becoming overwhelmed with all the information out there. However, I still feel it’s important to take my time and research. I would like to listen to everybody as well as read words, wisdom and ultimately connect.

There are seven principles to spirituality and it’s said that all the principles are important as they are all part of the jigsaw of life. Each principle supports the other and gives you the full picture. Below I have inserted the link for those interested to view...

http://www.pathwaytospirit.co.uk/7-principles-of-spiritualism.htm

Very early on in my research, I quickly saw that Patience is one of the most important qualities we need to possess. During my illness I’ve read many words and watched countless videos on teachings. It’s clearly evident this quality is something that's important to help aid us in our work with others. In addition I learned that being patient means we remain firm, even if we are afraid. What’s more I surprisingly discovered, it is impatient people we learn from... It’s when they choose to show anger displaying their own insecurities; when we especially benefit. We must remain calm. Patience is a way of life; don’t get angry if provoked... Be the teacher. So, instead of feeling angry (even if we have reason) turn the other cheek and bless them.

I recently used this new skill and the wonderful sense of peace I felt was indescribable. I have discovered it really is better to feel for the person in crisis and think positive thoughts about them. Above all do not stress, remain calm and relaxed... I am finding it works. Embrace positive energy. Release the negative. I've also learned an individual who loses it may be physically weak because they are out of control... what causes a person to be out of control? The main culprit appears to be STRESS, Insecurities... it causes all sorts of problems. We all know being around someone who is constantly stressing, screaming, shouting, accusing and controlling. It's not only spiritually damaging it has an impact on daily life...but, it's up to the individual to sort it out... Life is too short, loved ones are so precious; we owe it to them to be whole.

It’s crucial we develop an attitude whereby, we see opportunities for others to benefit which is so much better than just looking out for ourselves. When patience is developed a reserve of calm is found. We are much more pleasant to be around. This helps to create a more positive family life including world around us. I am finding by practising, it helps me to relate with others in a much better way. Personally, I feel I’m more emotionally grounded. With this wonderful new knowledge I’m happy to report I feel a stronger sense of security.

I’ve come to realise in spiritual practice one must refrain from falsehood and live by truth... never mock others, always being humble and truly wanting to help with compassion and a love for others, knowing they have rights and dignity and the important thing here is that it doesn’t matter who, what or where...

I interestingly read and immediately identified with the ‘Dalai Lama’ who implied it is our own experience of suffering which will remind us of what everyone endures. I know this to be true and I strongly feel my inspiration derived from this knowledge may give me extra insight to practice compassion always knowing I will avoid causing others pain.

Everyone wants to be happy just as I do, it reminds me not to be selfish. I realise there is little to be gained from being kind, generous and loving, in the hope I win something in return... I realise actions like these are wrong and I know there is nothing to be gained by this. Also, I see that it’s important to develop a genuine compassion for loved ones. I know this is an appropriate place to start in my spiritual practice. From the teachings, I see the impact of my actions will do loved ones a greater good. But, I also see there should be no discrimination. It is this I wish to work on, which means using compassion and wisdom in a way of learning to help others also for the greater good.

I am learning the mind and body is susceptible to being harmed by negative thoughts and emotions. It doesn’t take long to understand our enemies are not external, they are mental afflictions (as taught by Lama Marut) and it is these mental afflictions that kill happiness. Positivity can, does, and will protect it.

All I have discussed definitely needs consistent practice, along with mediation and exploration of teachings and of course, a never ending interest in other people’s views and perspectives. I’m warmly finding, I feel stronger mentally and spiritually which I hope and pray leads to a physically healthier me.

There is much to talk about on this journey of mine and in sharing findings as well as thoughts; I sense it will help interesting information soak in much quicker knowing I am spreading news by keeping you posted... As I have always said, the world is a beautiful place the people are wonderful... even those that are sadly damaged... it is up to us to take care of them and although it's also been said that one should not boast about good deeds done or otherwise, there is a particular homeless person who I want to be the next beneficiary from my practice because for me that's also important on this journey... It's no secret I've always wanted to make a difference in the world, its well documented in my writing but, but, but... the difference now is that I've discovered if you want to change the world you have to change yourself...

An Angel Warrior on a spiritual mission...

28. Domestic Service. Whispered Dreams..

In the darkness when I close my eyes... I reach out to touch you knowing my dreams will bring you closer. As the dream whispers softly... I stop and inhale, listening carefully just in case I miss you.

Sunday 12 Th September 2010...

Remember there’s reality and then there’s fiction... After sticking with this series, what you choose to think is down to you and of course your own knowledgeable beliefs including imagination... Just remember, the important thing with Domestic Service reports and the very nature of the business is this... It’s supremely imperative that I’m careful what I choose to share...

I woke rather grumpy but desperately tried to get back to sleep, just so I could reinstate myself firmly back into the dream world I was so enjoying... then with a ping of adrenaline I realised today’s my day off. Lying on the bed I ponder, what to do with today’s precious time. Despite my curtains being pulled to, the sunshine pushes through the very fabric of the material. I could even smell my delicious shower crème wafting in from the bathrooms open door. Senses heightened, I lay reflecting.

Having been away with a wonderful family has been a total joy but I’d been very careful to remain mindful and not forget reasons why my team and I have to be continually present in their lives... I’m suspicious though... very suspicious. The great Jonathon arrived part way through the holiday and although his stay was short lived, his presence left the senator and everybody else for that matter more than a little unsettled. At the time I shared these concerns with Jake and it’s been agreed, the great Jonathan (Senators PA) should be looked into and investigated thoroughly.

We returned from our wonderful holiday and arrived back at the senator’s residence during late afternoon on the 6^th September. It didn’t take very long to get back into routines and establish new ones. Part way through the holiday, after Jonathon’s unscheduled visit, I detected a rather strange ambience between the senator and his wife Kristina. I became even more curious when I went into the beach house’s kitchen shortly after Jonathon’s arrival, and discovered Kristina in a distressed agitated state... On gently asking what the matter was, my question was met with an uncharacteristic rebuke, which I immediately backed off from. Kristina is a lovely lady; if something was hurting her then it was personal. I would just wait and be here for her.

Springing back to the present... I want to do something nice today. My mind in a twirl from this thought and that idea. Then it hit me, I knew what I wanted to do... Shopping, I would go and buy some special things. Let people know how much they mean to me... Talking about that particular subject, I never did find a chance on our holiday of a lifetime; to spill the beans to Jake... I was very disappointed, still am! Well it has to be done right.

30minutes later, found me showered and dressed. Standing in the enormous kitchen I flick the button on the coffee pot... patiently waiting for the coffee, I watch its red light pulsate. Taylor and Emily enter the kitchen.

“Hey you two” I grin.

“Hello Crystal” they sang in unison.

“Thought you were off today” Emily cooed.

“I am, just having a much needed coffee before I go shopping”

“Oh ok, by the way Jake was looking for you earlier” Emily reported.

"Yes he asked me where you were too" Taylor followed.

“Right, did he say why?”

“No he just asked for you but I told him today's your day off” Emily winked slyly...

My beautiful soul sister, she didn’t know the full story but she knew I had a soft spot for Jake hence the wink.

“I’m sure I’ll catch him later” Turning to Taylor I ask how she's enjoying being back in the senator’s residence.

“I love it” Taylor cried. “It’s absolutely amazing, I love every single room and the other members of staff are wonderful, so nice to me”

“And so they should be, your a little diamond and such a hard worker” I affectionately touched the top of Taylor’s head as I passed to retrieve a piece of kitchen roll.

“So what you shopping for” Emily whispered.

“Oh now, for that you’ll have to wait and see” I giggled.

“See what” Jake teased as he walked through the kitchen door...

Blowing my coffee I smile as I tell him I'm going shopping...

“Fancy some company?”

I tried very hard to still my thumping heart and refrain from opening my eyes wider than necessary.

“Of course she would like some company, she’s just been telling Taylor and I how she really hates to shop alone”

Emily’s cheeks now crimson, her eyes darting nervously between Jake and me.

“Yes that’s right, I really don’t like shopping alone... if you’re free that would be really nice”

“Ok then two tics and hey Crystal I’ll drive you”

Watching the back of Jake as he disappeared, I still don’t know how I managed to retain my composure. With a brief hug to the girls, I pretend nothing was the matter. On automatic pilot I move slowly towards my room, to finish off getting ready...

Oh my god is this it, is this the right time? Has destiny finally presented itself ?

Pay It Forward...

I’m a big believer in two very important subject matters. The first being the importance with its consequence of ‘how we treat each other’.

The second on the possible magnitude of ‘paying it forward’ I’ve always believed in these two concerns and feel determined as an individual to do all I can to educate where possible. My thoughts and feelings are that this will make the difference to our world by all of us helping to make the world a better place. Let me start with ‘paying it forward’ the writer Catherine Ryan Hyde in 2000 wrote a wonderful book called ‘pay it forward.’ Sometime later it was released as a film because nestled within the books pages a message came across as sincere and significant.

The story behind the title is centred on a 12yr old boy called Trevor who’s given a project from his teacher. His task is to come up with a plan that will change the world through direct action. It’s on his way home that Trevor comes across a homeless individual called Jerry. Trevor decides he’s going to make a difference to Jerry’s life by getting him on his feet.

His plan progresses with him knowing he will do good things for three people. In his pyramid of charitable schemes, the three people must each in turn do good things for three other people. What appears to initially be a failure is indeed a success. It’s not immediately known but is traced backwards by a reporter who’s the benefactor. The initial recipients of Trevor are a drug addict, his badly scarred school teacher, and a classmate who’s constantly bullied by his peers. The film received mixed reviews but I remember feeling this could well have been written by my own hand as I identified with all that Catherine said.

As a believer in paying it forward, I’ve reported in the past our actions, thoughts words and deeds impact somewhere, somehow with someone... As thoughtful beings, and depending on what we are trying to achieve we can make that as good or as bad as we want. There are times when we can do something anonymously and simply sink into the warmth of knowing we did well, and of course there are the times we do things just out of the goodness of our hearts for family, friends and strangers. The other part to this is sometimes we do things and we never get to see what we payed forward but... I always like to bask in the knowledge, occasionally others are not aware of the good we’ve done but I have witnessed countless others on the receiving end and let me say it’s always been a joy to observe.

Whatever you do to help others remember, payback is a thousand times more than you’ll ever think possible... below is a personal favourite part of the film. I hope you have time to Watch & Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGcwG-2owow

A quick mention on the first part of this article, ‘How we treat others’ I’ve just read one of my favourite mediums Lisa Williams's blog. Today she talks about what we put out to people. Lisa shares my own belief that how we treat others is so very often how we ourselves get treated. I totally agree. Remember... ‘Treat others how you would like to be treated yourself’

I’ve inserted Lisa's blog for those interested in further reading her article....

http://www.lisawilliamsmedium.com/welcome-to-my-world/2010/9/11/dont-force-life-live-it.html

Till next time Mwah x