Nightmares, Dreams & Drama...

Have you ever had nightmares whereby you're running scared... sweat is pumping... heart is banging... petrified thoughts are all over the place... to top it off, you’re being chased at high speed. You’re pursuer is either an enemy or someone not of this earth... however, you’re in no doubt, it wants to hurt you.

I have!!!

I’ve always had nightmares, usually with realistically cruel themes, they frequently involve people I know. The worst ones seem to be when I sense a threat before I see it. Feeling it first... then, it ends up where I’m chased either by monsters or evil entities; thank goodness I always seem to wake up before they attack...

Back then, a lot of my dreams were horribly unnerving and those scary feelings lasted long after the nightmare was over. When I was a little girl I tended to own nightmares that were recurrent. There was one I had a lot, it involved sharks.

Imagine this; I’m about 7-8years of age.

As if by magic I’m able to view all aspects of the nightmare from within...I first witness the nightmare from above... I’m a-no one, a nothing! I’m standing in front of a chest high brick wall. If I look outwards all I see is rough sea and its horizon. To my left I become aware of a silent group of onlookers who look extremely concerned, they stretch up higher to peer over the wall, getting a better look. Curious... I look over the sea wall too and immediately see five children tossing about aimlessly in the sea... I cry out as I witness with each new wave, these rag-doll children are rammed mercilessly against the huge sea wall... but the added horror is I see numerous sharks in the water hungrily circling the children. Then Whoosh within a heart beat... I‘m one of the children, the older sister... terrorised; I know I just have to get the children out of the sea... looking upwards at the wall I see people... I know they can help except I scream as I feel a sharks intimidating nudge when it pushes against my legs. In complete and utter panic I realise time is running out. Whoosh... I’m back up on the top of the wall screaming for a rope to be thrown, I see terror etched across the tiny faces of the children, but the people don’t hear me... completely overwhelmed and numb with fear I again look below and that’s when I see it... blood ... Whoosh... I’m back in the icy water... again the eldest sister who is now holding up two of her smallest siblings so the sharks won’t get them, the other two siblings are grabbing at me, screaming because the sharks have commenced their attack...I am systematically being pulled beneath the huge waves... it’s at this precise moment in time, I wake up screaming begging for someone to get the other two younger ones... and whilst the sea becomes my bedclothes and my bedroom door opens with a bang... I breathe hard, I sensibly remember my siblings are safe and thank goodness so am I...

Some time ago I found out nightmares/dreams can actually mean something and there are so many dream types... for instance, Day-dreams, False awakening dreams, Lucid dreams, Nightmares, Recurring dreams, healing dreams, Prophetic dreams, Signal dreams, Epic dreams... Each dream having its own theme enveloped in drama!

I also read somewhere that making your dreams a reality is only for brave people... well now, that’s where I see clearly I’m going to be lucky... because those of you who really know me are aware I’m very brave. I’ve known for quite some time that visualisation is a distinct possibility, so if dreaming makes ones dreams comes true then the icing on my cake is going to be possible... for a long time I have felt particularly frightened to count my chickens and have always been wary of being too positive just in case I became disappointed... well now I can shout at the top of my lungs... ‘BRING IT ON’

I recognize one has to work hard to achieve success and in working hard it generally becomes possible for those dreams to become reality. I know we have to be willing to believe in ourselves but I also know that doesn't always come easy... I eventually discovered it’s whom or what is happening in your life that creates security enabling opportunities, thus giving you the courage to make your dreams come true. So come on join me on this journey of dreams... If it helps, do what I’ve done, visualise, set plans down on paper... be sure about what you want and focus... dream about where you want to be... This week I have set off a synchronisation of timed events, at the end of each event a step along the way will be detonated... ultimately bringing me closer to our goal. I believe in myself, I have courage and I’m at long last accepting the challenge with a clear head, an open heart and a family who love me.

My rainbows end is nestled securely within the kingdom of fife... Come on dreamers... Wish me luck!

Angel Is Crying.......

Do you know what it sounds like to hear an angel cry... Sometimes if we close our eyes, open our ears and unlock our hearts that lonely hollow void we occasionally feel inside is our angels disparaging despair...

The mirror screamed... my hand flew up clutching the darkest hair I had ever seen in my whole life... Overwhelmed by fuming anger... How could I have been so stupid, letting myself be talked into dying my lovely blonde hair? Leaning forwards for much needed support, I gripped the cold wash basin. I watched dye drip onto cream porcelain, confirmation at just how dark my hair was going to be... Squeezing eyes tight shut against another huge, manifested disappointment... I cried like a baby, not only was my hair going to be terrible it was going to match the rest of how my life was at this precise moment in time.

Minutes ticked by. At my wits end... what to do, what to do? Wash it off... Feeling the warm water spray against my head I observed the thickest, darkest colour mingle with clear water to mix and again prove the nightmare day I was having... Kneeling at the side of the bath not wanting to look in the mirror, I pulled myself up slowly. Yep, the darkness was still wrapped around my head. The smell of chemicals permeates the bathroom, my head bangs with swallowed stress.

"Wash it again" I heard an irritable voice say...

So I did, again then again but still darkness surrounded me. Wrapped in a towel, slumped onto the bed feeling utterly sorry for myself... I received a visitor... not in the mood I ignored the door, then I tried to ignore my mobile when the letter box lifted.

“I know your there” Heart quickening, I decided to go and pretend I'd been sleeping.

Opening the door, I burst into tears... not because I was upset over my hair no; the hair was just the last straw the very last straw...

I was distraught over the loss of my flame, my spark, my light... I felt anxious I didn’t know where it had gone. Every single day I looked hard for it... I found myself questioning the world, the people in it, life... for the first time in a life-time I was wondering... I mean really wondering, what is this all about... I thought I knew everything, been there, done that but in the end I was frightened, scared and alarmed to the point of panic... a million questions with no definitive answer.

I read somewhere a quote by Robert Burns ‘The purpose of life is a life of purpose’ wholeheartedly I agreed... but, now here’s the big never-ending pain in the ass but... I’ve stopped feeling it and for whatever reason at this moment in time my dilemma is why now?

I've always known we walk a path, experience things we do... achieve the things we accomplish... it’s all for a very good reason... to aid us in life to learn, to help, to support, to love, to protect, to cherish, to nurture, in the long run this is to help us move forward in life, so why would a progression be halted when a person is at the happiest they've ever been... I think I know... I think I just answered my own question...

I once read about a man who's name I forget, he said he felt as if life was like a combination but the combination was locked up in the safe... I feel, life is a safe and we all hold our own unique combination the thing is, when we try to unlock the safe another experience is sent to throw us off guard... sometimes those experiences are pleasant... sometimes they're nasty. We all have a fair share of both, but for me... the nasty one has thrown me to the floor, stamped on me and made me lose my key.

They say things happen for a reason.... Let's see what the reason is for this.

Dreams... Positive Thoughts & Answers

I know without reading or researching any further that for someone to become a writer... above all, they must have vision wrapped around imagination and be passionately obsessed with total commitment... I’ve no doubt I possess these qualities and hopefully much, much more.

I’ve also found over the past few months, whilst concentrating as much as possible on my writing, albeit in irregular limited amounts of time, due of course to my own full time working role... Never the less I’m happy to report, I have wonderfully discovered my sense of imagination has heightened not only am I able to visualise my characters and their plots but I’ve discovered these life like characters are coming to me in the night whilst I sleep.... Take last night for instance, Nadya my beautiful Russian peasant came to me in a dream... she talked to me about what I needed to do within the book I’m writing.

The story is about her own mother’s sad shortened life, her difficult birth as she arrives into the world ... it also shares both hers and her grandmothers dramatic life together as servants, struggling to survive. Nadya is fiercely protected by a grandmother who completely adores her.... it also tells of Nadya’s dreams, her loves... including the hateful evil jealousy she desperately tries to escape from. Ultimately Nadya's journey is one of difficulties, love and compassion... tinged unfortunately with betrayal but alas, the path she treads so gently is felt so very hard... has is the harsh punishing journey.

It felt pretty amazing to wake up this morning and feel as if I’d been visited by a friend. To be honest with you, her visit's really helped me out in terms of the way the story should unfold. Nadya was very specific in how the book should open, revealing to me some great new stuff. She advised me to insert something different into my already completed prologue. Nadya talked about the middle of the book but told me I had to work longer on the chapters putting more adventures into her life which should include creating another potential character.... Reflecting on this new information, has pushed me forwards in that I need to work more on Nadya's life within the book. She told me warmly the book if finished is going to be well received... I suppose the proof will be in the pudding, so I’m quite committed to concentrating a lot more on my book ‘Nadya’s Dreams’ ...

Angel will fly back soon ... Have a wonderful week! :) xxx

Life.. Love.. With Little White Lies....

It suddenly dawned on me via the bright light bulb in my head, that something’s in life no matter where, what or who, will never ever change if they dont have the inclination.

Has you all know, I have my own regular light bulb detector, which for most of the time I manage to keep set on low.... This bulb is safely surrounded in a formation. It’s structure like setting is securely glued within my brain and will intermittently flash brightly very much like a neon sign when it clearly realises it needs to make a choice or if through a sudden confirmation could well be months after a decision it confirms the choice and allows me to see that the choice made at that time was for the best. This for the most part is comforting, so often we make choices and decisions but still we question and worry if it was the right thing to do, or not....

For most of the time we all go through life, happily collecting memories which include experiencing life with its colourful inhabitants. Some of these beings are for one reason and another in our lives for short periods of time, both because their not right for us or just because it's not meant to be... Maybe they have their own problems or ultimately their dreams are not your dreams. Whatever the reason, a person won’t stay with you if they don’t want to.... The best thing any of us can do, especially if in a relationship they/you don’t wish to be in, is leave.... It’s usually always for the best, (even if at this moment in time you dont believe that to be true) ... Thankfully the rest of life’s beautiful people are firmly stuck in your heart or attached to your hip because of who, why and what they are... they will always remain.....

Those memories which may be attached to difficult relationships or endings where a struggle took place... should at some stage fade for it’s participants, enabling them to heal... there should be a gentle relaxation within your respective lives with a feeling of relief that you’re no longer living in those times with the possibility of being hurt or rejected. In being apart your both finally and at long last allowed to grow because you’ve been honest in moving on.... Eventually this allows for a wonderful and exciting new chapter to begin.

I’ve had lots of feedback from friends, who have advised me they've tried to be forgiving, trying gently to be friends.... They’ve been polite, open, honest and importantly they were themselves. I discovered It became important for them, to be who they knew themselves to be, but sadly sometimes we all heal at different rates. Occasionally its not possible to be friends, you may find you’re not been received very well, which causes you to feel completely and utterly disappointed. quite often bringing to the surface all those hurt rejected empty feelings. Then you wish with all your heart you hadn't bothered by opening up possible feelings to friendship ......

I’m of the opinion, no matter how many years you get under your belt some of life’s lessons are hard, but you know what my friend, ..... Some people need to look into their own soul, decide which way they need to be.... if you’ve decided and you’re happy, I wish you well... but if you look inside and instantly know you were not cool or that comment or action was un-called for or you pretended to be friends in the hope of finding out irrelevant stuff causing the other person to open up and as so very often happens the other person closes down, leaving another feeling awful... then you know ultimately you were unfair in giving a false impression but so many people do mislead others either by intention or of course unintentional... this ends up causing untold hurt.... you need to address yourself by making amends, which isn't always possible ..... Causing hurt like this is really thoughtless and is totally unecessary, if your not ready to be open warm and genuine then you need to walk on rather then continue to cause the hurt that happens when others are genuine towards you!!!

This is it my friend.... It’s what we do in the here and now that’s crucially important... how we make people feel is vital and fundamental in helping and supporting the rest of our society. I have a saying... One of my own life’s philosophies....

"People will not remember what you said or even what you did.... How ever they will always remember how you made them feel.... "

May all your thoughts be good ones; it’s those thoughts that make good things happen......

Angel will inevitably fly by with more thoughts on life and love.... Till next time, big warm, sincere smile... If we don't meet before Christmas, Have a happy one and listen try to remember all who are less fortunate then us! :) xxxx

Thought for to-day.. told with a genuine smile : )

I'm being told to think of my audience.... Hmmmmm, let me see.... I would like to think if I had an audience, it would be more than likely they came from all walks of life... interested in anything and everything... People who are open to suggestions that may compliment their lives in a positive sense...

My personal thoughts are in life, we never know who, what, or when something will be thrown at us.... Most of us know, this is not a dress rehersal... This is it!! We have to try whenever possible to think positive. Smile brightly and take care of the world and all it holds... not always possible I hear you say, I agree.... but if we dont try, then ultimately thats less positive healing energy to get hold of in yours and my time of need... In everyday life, I try to be mindful of taking a step backwards, look forwards, see whats going on.... focus on who is before me... what are they doing, thinking, feeling and hopefully within that short space of time in observing life, I can take stock... who needs help, is it family, friends or strangers? See what reserves I have and help if I can. If I can't then I point them in the right direction.... I'm aware of other peoples negatives along with their pointless thoughts around 'DO-GOODERS' ... One of my philosophys in life ...

"If you cant say anything nice then dont say anthing at all"

Despite a shaky start in life... I'm proud to declare, thankfully I have managed to become a happy, hopeful, realistic person who has got this far in life relatively unscathed. With my current thoughts & feelings.... I know 100% how much I have to give, If I'm prepared to give it, especially not forgetting when its the appropriate time to say "No" but... I do try.... My message is this.... Help others if you can, be mindful of whats happening around you and them because the chances are you could make a world of difference and a difference in their world, even if its to just one person... if you do... then you've done a good job... : )