Forgiveness...

I do not have a picture of you... I’ve never needed one, because through red-hot rages of persistent disappointments and timeless regret, I’ve always managed to picture you inside my head.... Do you remember once upon a long time ago, you let me brush your beautiful hair? That particular poignant memory has lasted a life-time.

It appears I’m too late with my notion of Forgiveness... My mother is now past the point of no return. Inside my mind I know with that darkness a certain light will die. In the stillness just before death when she takes her last and final breath, I wonder if I’ll know... Will I sense it? ~ Will I finally feel any connection break? ~ At the moment I feel desperately empty, I feel a sense of loss for what could have and should have been. My hope will be that she’ll recognise from my perception, that despite the past, her future in the beyond will be all-forgiving...

Nevertheless Madge, just to reiterate from the deepest depths of my heart, body and soul... I forgive you... With my forgiveness; I send such special love with an expectation that it will accompany you on your next journey. I’m so truly sorry that in this life it did not work out for us all. My inner being knows, for you, this has had to have been a very hard lesson. Maybe that’s why you’re going the way you are... your memory’s been wiped clean, your thoughts are now on your own particular present, here and now... I suspect your thoughts won’t last any longer than it took for you to think about them. I can’t help wondering if in your final days your heart will feel happiness, or even if your mind will be capable or even able, to feel any joy should you look out the window and glimpse a familiar face... Will this be a sad way for you to leave this world? or will you know nothing as your steady, rhythmic breath grows less and less, leaving your spirit to go when it is ready...  I also wonder if at the moment of death, will your mind become free and will you then suddenly realise your devastating, wasted loss?

Take care Mum; continue to be taught for I refuse to accept that you did not learn from your journey here. It is said we make our own Karma... It’s my belief that although we do not usually take vivid memories to the next life, we certainly have a bank account of different types of reserved Karma, which I also believe accompanies us through-out many lives of necessary learning... My heartfelt hope for you is that any bad Karma, will be greatly reduced with any forgiveness of the past.

Although I will think of you often, I'm sure I will always have a deep heartfelt wish, that my sister, brothers and myself had been blessed with a loving mother... One who'd managed to keep us safe and loved, but on my own journey I’ve sadly discovered this was not to be for us, or you, and it would unquestionably not do any good to hold on to any bad feelings... I do not want you to suffer. I figure the way it’s turned out is penance enough.  With my final salute I stand proud, neck bent; head gently bowed with hands folded in prayer.

Who knows, maybe one day we’ll get to meet again!

Namaste and safe journey...

The True Meaning Of Christmas...

When I read the story below ‘Teach the children’ (Author Unknown) ~ I’ve re-edited slightly... I immediately felt a powerful sense of remembrance, that sometimes we forget the real meaning of Christmas. We get caught up in all the hype, the pressure, the rush, the push, the mush, and demands, wanting to do the best we can for families and friends, but, it's also worth remembering... some of us may miss that golden opportunity to remind ourselves, this is the absolute, perfect opportunity to downsize the scale of this particularly beautiful story to use to our advantage, promoting it in an age appropriate way to simply put the message across of the true meaning of Christmas, to our children and young people. And right now, this is just about the right time to share this beautiful story of some of the reasons we celebrate and embrace the magic of Christmas... Despite some of us forgetting the meaning, I also have to add  on my journey I've always witnessed a delight in others in the giving and receiving.  

Teach the children.

I was locking the house for the night, when I heard a noise from the front of the house, I opened the door to the front room and to my surprise, Santa himself stepped out from behind the Christmas tree, he placed his finger over his mouth, Shhhhhhhhh.

What are you doing?!! I started to ask.

The words choked in my throat, as I observed he had tears in his eyes. His usual jovial manner had disappeared, and gone was the eager boisterous character we all know; he then answered in a simple statement, teach the children.

I was puzzled, what did he mean? He guessed my question, and with one swift movement, he pulled a miniature toy bag from behind the tree, as I stood puzzled? He said teach the children! Teach the old meaning of Christmas, the meaning that ‘now-a-days Christmas’ has forgotten.

Santa then reached into his bag, and pulled out a fir tree and put it in front of the fireplace.

Teach the children that the pure green colour of the stately tree remains green all year round, representing the everlasting hope of all mankind, all the needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of mans thoughts turning toward heaven,

He then reached into his bag again, and pulled out a brilliant star.

Teach the children that the star was a heavenly sign of promises long ago, god promised a saviour for the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of his promise,

He again reached inside his bag and pulled out a candle,

Teach the children, that the candle symbolises that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this great light we are reminded of Jesus, who fills our lives with light,

Once again he reached into his bag and pulled out a wreath, placing it on the tree.

Teach the children, that the wreath symbolises the real nature of love, real love never ceases, like god’s love, no beginning or end.

He then pulled out an ornament of himself.

Teach the children that I, Santa Clause, symbolise the generosity and kindness we all feel in the month December.

Once again he reached into his bag and pulled out a holly leaf.

Teach the children, that the holly plant represents immortality, it represents the crown of thorns worn by our saviour, the red holly represents his blood, shed by him,

Next he pulled out a gift, and said

Teach the children, that god so loved the world, he gave us his only son, we thank god for his very special gift,

Teach the children, that the wise men bowed before the holy baby and gave him gifts, of gold, frankincense and myrrh, we should always give gifts in the same spirit as the wise men.

Santa then reached into his sack and pulled out a sugar cane and hung it on the tree,

Teach the children that the sugar cane represents the shepherds crook, the crook on the staff helps to bring back lost sheep to the flock.

He reached in again, and pulled out an angel.

Teach the children, that it was the angels who announced the glorious saviours birth, the angels sang glory to god in the highest, on earth peace and goodwill toward men,

Suddenly I heard the softest tinkling sound, and from his bag he pulled a bell.

Teach the children, that as the lost sheep are found by the sound from the bell, it  should ring to guide us to god, the bell symbolises guidance and return, it reminds us that we are all precious in the eyes of god,

Santa looked back and was pleased, I saw the twinkle in his eyes as he said,

Remember teach the children, the true meaning of Christmas, do not put me in the centre, for I am but a humble servant of the one that is, and I bow down to worship him, our lord! Our god!

I would like to wish you all a very Happy Christmas, a bright new year with peace & love in your world.

Namaste: Stay Close!  

For me...

Not many people know what life has in store ~ in my opinion and being completely honest, it’s a damn good job!

Sometimes we can go through the most devastating circumstances, and then find we go on to struggle with the most inconceivable challenges.

I write to remind myself of some of the many blessings I have in life.... Occasionally though, the gloom and darkness have obscured what was evident... So for me I write this as a permanent reminder that despite what we go through... there is still much to be happy and content about.

Right now a big thing for me is to be in a position to thankfully share how privileged I am to be in-love, sincerely appreciating how that love feels and what it essentially means. I’m also aware of and will never forget that long ago, sad intense, crappy feelings around wanting love and remembering how sorrowful it made me feel when it was not present in my life. I also remember being in the rather lonely position of experiencing incredible, beautiful, lovable feelings, happily knowing when I found the right person who ticked all my boxes, then my invisible trusty list of wants, needs and must haves, would at last be engaged with (together) as if it were law... a law that had been written with-in a certified and magical legal contract, written by the lord of all fairness himself.

I think it’s worth a mention that I have friends who are just as happy in beautiful, meaningful relationships and some just as happy out of them. I also have friends who are not happy living their single life.  I have to add, it’s the friends who are not happy but never say anything that have inspired me to write, sharing my thoughts... I have a deep empathy for them, because after concentrating on my reflections recently, I know I’ve walked uncomfortably in their shoes.  I especially know how it feels to want something so bad that you clearly comprehend that once you have it; you’ll treasure it forever, why? Because it’s your deepest, dearest wish, to walk a path where there are clearly two sets of footprints.  I'd like to think after reading this, they will embrace the fact that even when one thinks it wont happen, it can and often does...

I’m fortunate to have a diverse range of friends, I understand being in a relationship is not for everybody, nor is it what everybody wants, but throughout life I’ve always recognised I never wanted to be alone...  However after saying that, I reluctantly but thankfully spent time alone and although it wasn’t for me, I did learn a heck of a lot about myself. It was a good time, where I managed to heal and get rid of unnecessary baggage. I later realised I’d got myself into quite a good position, where if I met the right person then I was more than ready... No hang-ups, or Pre-Ex issues, just a nice lady waiting for the right guy who would also be raring to go for an honest, genuine relationship.

Don’t get me wrong though, I did spend a little time coming across individuals who had strange morals, unsavory behaviour and very different needs...  I use to ask my friend, how do you know you've met the right one, all she would say is "You will know" she was absolutely right!  Then one fine day... a day I thought would never happen ... happened!

I think its appropriate the Blog 'You were meant for me'  is worth a mention. A beautiful reminder of the perfect moment!

http://angeljanesworld.blogspot.com/2010/08/you-were-meant-for-me.html 

I get teary eyed when I thank my lucky stars, knowing I'm fortunate enough to be able to share this life... Maybe it’s not perfect, but you know what? it’s as perfect as we can make it...

Dont forget... Stay Close!