I’m no expert, just another human being. I can tell you this, I have been through a lot. I'm lucky I simply choose not to regret a thing... It’s my humble opinion that my own trials and tribulations have made me who and what I am today.... Along the way I discovered so much... I recall with clarity the heart stopping moment I realised for the 2nd time in my life; my self-esteem was not just on the floor, it was in the gutter... Then I discovered, after 32years of marriage, I had become invisible not just to my family but actually in the real world I didn’t even exist (these are my own thoughts) I had no friends, my life was in the toilet along with my feelings..... For 5years...... Yes everyone, 5years I took a back seat in life. Oh I tried all the usual stuff I tried to speak with family etc but with very little effect because back then I found it hard to communicate plus they were happy and for them life appeared to be full.... The problem quite obviously was mine. I took stock of the situation and decided if it was my problem then I had to deal with it...
I knew I needed to find myself but then quickly realised, I didn’t really know who I was so how could I possibly find me... Soooooo with a sharp intake of breath and remembering to breath, I started at the very beginning... And I do mean, the beginning... I started off by asking myself What I wanted, needed.... and dreamed of... I asked myself what had brought me to this crossroads in life... The many loaded questions I checked out through that 5 year period, were a blur....
My plan was to go back to my childhood... Then I had to come forward in time... I had to check everything. I realised again clearly at some point one of the main problems had most definitely been 'I was not true to myself ' I said meaningless things to people, family and friends and strangers... It wasn’t me; it was what I knew they wanted to hear. I was scared to be me in case I hurt upset or offended people. I felt like I had been totally obliterated. I wasn’t blaming any one, the blame lay with me. On the whole it was my problem; I decided to deal with it.
After many years of just thinking, I realised I had to change the situation it took me some time to discover before I progressed further that I had to learn to love myself.... I even questioned what was there to love? ... slowly then surely, I realised I was an ok person, I wasn’t cruel, I cared about people, the environment and the world, I lived within the law and I wanted to make a difference.... I was always eager and ready to help. I’m convinced it was when I started my present role that I started the healing process....
A good way to start, it may sound silly but write down a list of your strengths. What are you good at? What do people commend you on? What makes you excited? Do what you can to enhance these natural talents, build on them each day. In turn, utilize your talents and abilities to help those around you. If you do this already then recognise and tell yourself, you’re a good person, believe it ... you will eventually know, you just didn’t realise it before... That’s what I did and then a magical thing happened... I started to like myself, I followed this on and started liking the things I did as well as actually liking the things I said...
Try your best to ignore negative thoughts. Each person’s worst critic is not even one step away. We are all our very own worst critics. When you feel yourself starting to criticize your own actions or critique your own performance, push down these negative thoughts, throw them away, instead, think of positive aspects. For each negative thought that surfaces in your mind, try to create a counter positive thought. Learning to accept who you are, warts and all and knowing its ok to make mistakes, just like ts ok to experience failures, after all we're only human. Knowing that each and every one of us goes through embarrassing situations is another way of thinking things through and dealing with it....
I know now... something I didn’t know way back then, I have the most amazing capacity for getting along with people, any age and from all walks of life.... I'm aware some people won’t like me because unfortunately I also believe we are all made up of chemicals and some of those chemicals just don’t mix.... but on the whole, I know 100% I will be liked, loved, wanted, needed... and again most importantly that gloriously magic word loved... you know what?.... that last sentence will, does and has more than made up for all the stuff that I've been through....
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