Thoughts sent with Love 'n' Light...

Come on you lot... Tell Me... Where does all our precious time go? Where do the hours disappear too? ... How come one minute it’s Monday then its Friday then its Sunday and Blam... Our weekends gone.... It’s scary!!!

Last week was busy, busy, busy... Nothing new there then!!! Again my writing time has diminished and that’s made me feel really sad. Several times I have heard myself wishing for more hours in my day... I tell you this, in my day job I do a lot of driving, it’s always during those times I seem to get most of my insight, my inspiration... I can be going along on any given day... my days are methodically planned... I work by a diary which is also my bible... With the odd cancellation and occasional extra piece work thrown my way.

I can be driving along; it’s so flippin frustrating knowing all these fabulous thoughts are crashing through my brain... I see my story line, I see the characters, I see their roots...their adventures as well as their ultimate endings filled with their wants needs including their desires.... I very clearly see beginnings... Middles... & endings... of story’s I am writing, as well as the story’s that have yet to see ink set onto paper.... The trick for me is to try and remember the way my thoughts went and hopefully jot down what I remember later.... All these great ideas, yet I feel, I can’t progress because I know at this moment in time I have one novel on the go as well as 3 short stories and sadly very little time...

So has you can see some unfinished projects, but I know there’s a lot more where they came from.... Plan of action I think... I need to prioritise. I need to make a list and stick to the plan to see any further progression...

All is well in AngelJanesWorld... Family is good. My beautiful girl has secured herself an apprenticeship so her career starts in a few weeks... much to her joy and mine. My friends are also experiencing good fortune for me that’s always good news... So come on 2009 lets keep experiencing that happiness as well as the joy of hearing welcome news, whether it’s for ourselves or family and friends.

SPECIAL NOTE:
Thank you to everyone for being so wonderfully patient. I know it can be frustrating on my blog sometimes not even getting half a story due to copyright.... you all know my stories are tasters to wet the appetite... So fingers crossed my lovely friends, that at some point the writers world will open its huge cast-iron doors and welcome me in with arms open wide.

I will tell you this... when they do, they wont be disappointed because I know I have what it takes and I know without a shadow of any doubt, I will work extremely hard... My determined, dedication will be given willingly with true devotion.

Right folks really must dash... need to get to grips with 'Nadya's Dream' and maybe a little time for 'Polly Tucker'

Mwah for now Have a great week..... Be with you soon XXX

Secrets of the Watcher.....

The watcher knew what was needed of her but she had to be extremely careful... Her identity had to be protected at all cost... Her job here on earth was the most important job in the galaxy......

Engulfed in soft black leather I tried very hard to relax, needing to reflect. I had to understand all the reasons why... Resting chin on chest, tired eyes closed.

I have always found it very easy to predict what’s going to happen, this includes me having a very special instinct around people, sensing their characters, their weaknesses their strengths. I possess radar but this is just for confirmation. With my naked eye, keen senses; some call it intuition... 6th sense... I have always been able to get a good accurate reading. I usually know what’s about to happen and I very often see the bigger picture, sadly though not always for the good.

During reflection time, I realised with irritability this silence was really starting to deafen me. Within an instant, the hair on my arms started to stiffen and rise. I sensed an unholy terror.... the entity, it was back... in my apartment.
For the 2nd time that day my instincts were screaming at me to escape... run... then ‘boom-boom-boom-’ on hearing the blaring music, I threw back my head like a wild wolf looking towards the moon, I screamed at the ceiling “WHY” ?.. “Why is this all I hear every single wretched day” uneasily but nevertheless hastily, I moved around the apartment like a scurrying rat knowing desperately..... I had to leave. I threw on a plastic-rain coat; headed for the door, still the boom-boom-boom’s crescendo crashed through the old building, almost as if it needed to shake the very plaster off the walls.

Running as fast as I could down the old faded Victorian staircase, I needed to take them two at a time... eventually falling out into the street. In that moment I felt icy cold rain; its sharp tiny needles shooting towards me, pricking my face. The sensation was cooling, then soothing.

I stopped dead in my tracks. This action was completely necessary if I were to avoid any individuals on the busy street staring, oh and please listen... they would stare... they knew me, I had my very reputation to protect.

My brisk walk turned into a slow run, leading me towards the park. The rain slowly dying but my thoughts felt muddled. I desperately needed some clarity, if only to remind me of the reason for all of this. Reaching the park and trying to recollect my thoughts it was then I heard a disturbingly creepy, whisper.... my skin crawled.... ignore it.... walk faster.... No, you won’t escape. Seeing my bench I stopped, I couldn’t run anymore... I had to face this... Face what? Look it straight in the eye, look what straight in the eye? See what needed to be done.
Out of breath I sat down, my breathing came hard. The whisper became louder.... slurred words washed over me... “Take me to her” there was a gross hoarseness in this dark voice. It needed an answer. My weak frightened noise for a voice, answered “take you where”? I was cringing as I carefully listened. A pause...

Physically I began to shake when I heard a thunderous sickening laugh, its high pitched screech blasted towards me making my stomach turn “you take me to her or I will make sure you never, ever sleep for the rest of your miserable contemptible life”.
I fearfully contemplated its statement; I knew it spoke the truth; this demon had been invading my sleep. I knew without a shadow of doubt what it was up to, what was wanted. Owning that knowledge also made me its target.

I sat wondering how to play this, for play it I would have to, or else... the shocking, sickening consequences would not bear thinking about. Memory spinning backwards... What was it, the higher power said from above...”? “At all costs the humans must be protected”

“Are you listening?” it growled into my thoughts... I knew without hesitation that this entity was now on the bench... I could smell it sitting very close to me... Still shaking I whispered “I’m listening” another pause... feeling braver now... half heartedly I raised my voice,
“I’m wondering what there is to be gained by this meeting”
before I knew what had hit me, I was thrown high up into the air; falling hard on my shoulder I felt the crack of my head as it split wide open.

Lying in a crumpled heap on the wet ground, hands clutching my head, which was now pouring heavily with my life’s own crimson force. Silent tears, hot searing pain. Not daring to move or even breathe, I heard it... hissing like a snake... Its stinking spittle hitting my face, it growled,
“I want her, she is mine...”
with a liquid whoosh of air I knew it was gone. Gratefully closing pain filled eyes... slowly very slowly... light fading... feeling secure, safe and snug... I eventually became enveloped, in a warm welcome blackness.

Polly Tucker.....

Polly Tucker's dying mother had waited until the very last minute to share with her special daughter some secrets... Secrets that would eventually spiral Little Pollys life into a magical, mystical, spiritual, tour of fear... surprise.... and bombshell revelations .....

Throwing long slim legs over the side of the rickety wrought iron bed, I tiredly smoothed back long black hair with the intention of looking to see where my old mules were hiding.

Today was my day off... It was wonderful to see the bright morning sunlight glistening over the pokey room I called home... even nicer, was being able to watch the sunlight reach effortlessly into the dark, dusty corners, giving the room a golden glow. This room was special it held my life with all of its meagre possessions.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Polly Tucker, my hours are long. I am a nurse as well as a housemaid living in service to a Doctor Millbourne and his family.

I live in the bowels of a huge Victorian property. I have lived here since the Doctor and his wife rescued me some years ago from a London home for young women. I had been brought up in the care system which was run by the waifs and strays charity. I was trained to where I was eventually presented for an apprenticeship and introduced to the Milbourne’s.

Grabbing my mules I fell backwards heavily against the bed, I heard the squeaky metal sound ricochet across the tiny room. I felt different today. My life flashed before me, It felt as if I were about to have a life changing moment. My thoughts were... I was probably about to make some life changing decisions in view of the past and its messages.

Maybe I should start at the beginning just so you understand me and where I came from... My past, my present and my future will be revealed as well as the messages...

When I was 5years old my mother whispered to me... out of earshot from my father that I was a special child and something significant was about to happen... she also told me, what ever happens she loved me and it was extremely important for me to know, my father was not my father. My mother was not a healthy person and for as long as I could remember, she had always suffered ill health.

“My wonderful little girl” she crowed “I am so sorry I have bad news for you, I have to tell you that I am going to heaven and I won’t be back.” Mothers face was quite white, bulbous beads of shiny perspiration stood out from her forehead. The beads slowly trickled down towards her temples, it reminded me of tap water after being sprayed against our white pot sink.

I remember asking my mother if I could go with her, she recoiled in horror explaining, the world still needed me, I had much work to do. Sitting there confused I felt the moment was too special to move, so... I sat glancing from my mother to father who was totally inebriated, he was unaware the conversation was taking place. My mother took a gulp of air and further said I was not to worry, my brothers and sisters would find good homes, people would take care of us because she had made sure we would come to no harm.

Another gulp of air and mother continued, "remember sweet girl, you are special, your sensitivity will be needed because one day you will hear strange thoughts and voices through the shadows... you will also feel great fear... Remember, ignore your fears, because your gift is great. Along with your gift you will discover great things and those things are for you to share or to hold close... the decisions will ultimately be yours."

Mother was tired. I reached over to stroke her. I watched as big blue eyes clouded over, I felt as if something incredible were happening... she moved slowly, her hand reached out gently to touch my cheek. I felt the cool stroke of thin fingers as she gulped air for one last time ...

As she closed her eyes she whispered "I love you" .... I knew they would never open again. I carried on sitting there despite only being 5 years old, I knew my mother had gone to heaven.

I felt cold, empty and alone... Weeping, I closed my eyes, I didn't want the drunken man in the corner asking me any questions...........

My Dream... My Goal.... My Ambition

For as long as I can remember my dream has always been to make a difference....

My dream today is to use my thoughts, ideas and words to reach inside of you.... to go deep and then deeper still to help you feel then reach out to touch the atmosphere, allowing you to sense the energy surrounding our story in question....

It’s been a long, road... I'm happy to say I know I can do it. I know how.... If you can still hear my voice after you have put our story down then I'm equally happy to say I know 100% I have invaded your mind, your thoughts... with my words and their meanings....

I want to help you see, feel, touch, taste and smell the story... I would like you to know the characters, as well as completely understand what their thinking & feeling.
As the story progresses, I would love for you to watch their story take hold as plans unfold, feeling the excitement and the anticipation....

For me what a gift it would be to see or hear you lower the pages only to lift them up again knowing you couldn't possibly bear to put them down, because you want and need to know what’s happening, where its going, will everything be alright and will things work out in the end....

Real Life can be wonderful... but story's and their characters make it more so.... It’s my humble opinion that a little bit of escapism as well as a touch of fantasy, didn’t do anybody any harm!

At the moment I am working on a fabulous story about a Victorian housemaid Her name is Polly Tucker.... she is also a nurse to a wealthy Doctor and his family. There’s only one problem...... Did you guess....? She has a SECRET.

Annies Secret......

Please promise me that no matter what you'll never let go......

72 year old Annie felt uncharacteristically angry as she remembered how many times she had requested the special cream for her sore legs that morning... When matron had eventually got round to vigorously rubbing her sore leg, she recalled the incident and thought a little too loudly... This damn leg, it’s been aching all day. All I asked for was... could somebody please, please get me some cream for my leg... I made the request a 100 times very politely, of course...

Annie wasn’t happy. She felt upset and very angry, especially in view of the length of time it had taken for someone to get her precious cream.

Sometime later whilst Annie relaxed in the resident’s lounge listening to the gentle hum from the other residents. She realised she really liked being here in the care home, it was a lovely place. Overlooking the sea. This afternoon she could feel the breeze from the beach, it was absolutely delightful. If only her leg hadn’t been hurting her so much she knew she wouldn’t be feeling so out of sorts with the world.

Relaxing further and slowly sinking back-wards, deeper into her faded recliner.

Annie's thoughts went to why she was feeling so peculiar, she still wasn’t sure why but she had felt so very strange all day and now dozing, watching those glorious white horses, coming in from the sea. She remembered warmly how she had always loved it with its dark golden sand, its shiny pebbles and its different coloured cracked shells.

The view from the homes picture windows took Annie back in time, a long time... when she was a young girl; a strange shivery feeling magically engulfed her. Annie began to feel like she had been given a good shot of gas and air, you know the feeling... you get it just as the gas takes over and you completely surrender to it. It felt good. Annie recalled a vivid memory, a memory of a time when she loved to swim in the sea, feeling warm salty bubbles caress her body and how after her swim she would lie on the beach looking up at the sky, squinting but managing to count clouds along with her blessings. She remembered with joy, the divine warm feel of the hot sun as it beat down onto damp skin.

Looking out through the hazy late afternoon heat, she could see someone running to-wards her. To get a better view she shielded her eyes with a cupped hand. She was sure she knew the face it was familiar, she even knew the figures tall silhouette bounding to-wards her, but who was he?
As the familiar figure approached her, she felt like she had been electrocuted. With a jolt she realised.... I remember now, how on earth could I have forgotten, my Darling Joseph... but no, it can’t be... he’s been gone so long, such a long time ago.

Turning to-wards the sun Annie’s thoughts wondered, that sun really does feel good

Reaching her at long last, Joseph a little out of breath but happy to be there said warmly, “Hello Annie my wonderful wife, how I have missed you. How are you?” when Annie heard Josephs deep smooth velvety voice, she felt warm and tingles crept from the tips of her painted toes to the top of her silver head.

She physically hugged herself along with her Goosebumps. She looked deep into Joseph’s blue eyes.

Believing herself to be actually hallucinating, she looked out to-wards her beloved sea, catching her breath she smiled brightly. Annie slowly turned back to-wards him.. he was still there. “Hello Joseph, It’s been so long.... Oh my goodness” Annie breathed in and then out, almost hyperventillating. With one hand she held on to her chest, “why are you here?”

Annie felt confused and dazed but serenely happy.

“Annie, my beautiful, beautiful lady... have you forgotten our secret?” he paused a moment “The secret pact we made all those years ago?” Lost now in her own thoughts, she slowly shook her head. “Joseph my darling, all I remember is that you left me.” smiling sadly he cried “No... No, my lovely lady I didn’t leave you, not willingly anyway... don’t you remember, it was my turn to go”Standing on the soft gritty sand, Annie watched as the frothy sea swished towards her toes.

Holding out her hand towards him as if not really believing he was standing there so tall, so young, so alive and so bold. In response to her need for him he instinctively held out his own hand towards hers, touching her gently.

He pleaded “can you think back to that time and what was said?”

Annie thought hard... her head started to hurt.

As if hit by another electric shock she felt a thud as if she had been thrown to the ground, she slowly opened her eyes just in time to see a very concerned look upon the matron’s face

“Whatever is it Annie? Are you alright dear?”

On seeing the Matron, Annie also witnessed the other residents, some of them straining upright in their recliners... half sitting, half standing, some of them clutching blankets others tightly gripping half read newspapers, but all of them hoping to get a better view of what was happening with Annie in the residents lounge.

Again the matron asked Annie if she was ok, Annie looked up, very slowly but very quietly she whispered to Matron “Yes Matron thank you, I’m alright. Joseph is here we are together at long last. because it was a secret you see, now it’s all going to be ok” before Annie closed her eyes for the last and final time she heard a shrill cry escape from the matrons lips “Please somebody, please call an ambulance.”

On opening her eyes again Annie could see that the sun was as bright as ever, the heat was just as warm and her darling Joseph had waited. His strong muscular arms were folded before him, then lovingly, longingly, he stretched his hand out towards hers whilst Annie reached for him, it was then she saw quite clearly, her skin was no longer sore, tired or wrinkled. She was young again and the beautiful smile from her Josephs handsome face, reassured her that the secret pact had worked, he had kept his promise made so long ago and returned to collect her... because the time was right.

Hands entwined, Annie and Joseph slowly walked up the beach towards the bright pulsating light.

"Joseph my darling, promise me again you will never let go." squeezing her hand tightly he bent forwards, kissing her nose, "I will never let go my darling, never."

A smiling Annie threw a curious look backwards, the screeching wailing siren with its flashing blue lights pulled up outside the residential care home for the elderly......

Big Decision made this week.....

All the things we need time for.... can and do overwhelm us, but the possibilities are endless.

Personally I have always found it a good idea to write a list.... When writing your list... try to prioritise... focus on your needs, wants and must haves...Pin it where you can see it, so that it constantly reminds you of your aspirations and goals.... Then go for it!

The list can be important, for some people. With out it they may not accomplish anything. When the list is complete and your happy... tick things off as you reach your goals giving you clarity and precision to continue.

This week I have felt really strange, one minute high the next minute low... My daily routines have been affected simply by how I have been feeling. On reflection, considering this was my first week back after having some leave... I feel it’s not been too bad.

We enjoyed a good August bank holiday weekend in Scotland; we went to Fort William... Weather was not that brilliant!!! The weekend was a make your mind up time as to whether I was actually going to move to Scotland, or not.... The place was lovely; we enjoyed a fabulous stay in a wonderful, friendly hotel and we did lots of research as well as cruise estate agents .... It wasn’t until I was on the return journey home, sitting quietly in the car (realising I had a numb bum) I shared my decision with Doug....

The weekend had indeed made me realise quite clearly.... I couldn’t leave my family or my friends to live so far away... So a compromise was formed. We are now happily looking to the Lake District for our dream B&B.... So although it’s the same dream it’s just a fresh location.

This week has also brought many little worries to a close and whilst embracing them I have breathed a sigh of relief at those worries becoming manageable.... I still totally believe Life is beautiful and if we can help each other so much the better....

To my Brother If your reading this...
Everything’s going to be alright... you just watch! Mwah xxxx :) xxxx

The Dark One......

My friend and I were having a great time celebrating my 19th Birthday at our local ...... Then we met some strange new people..

One of the strangers we met that night appeared rather weird. He was over familiar, over friendly and he dressed darkly. He possessed smouldering eyes which were hypnotic, at certain times I observed them to shine a shimmering red... As soon as I could, I told my friend but she just roared laughing, telling me I had definitely had too much to drink. I knew that was to the contrary.

I decided it would be better to keep a clear head. I watched, carefully observing the goings on unfold before me.... The music blaring, the drink flowed freely. The new people pretended to drink and cause merriment. But I saw a different look in their eyes. A look that said danger followed by hunger... My Insides shivered in fear, I was certain these new people were going to hurt us.... My friend by this time was totally intoxicated.

Feeling scared, not really sure why or even if we would escape tonight..... it was clear to me that we had been targeted.... At some point they realised I was not drinking as fast as my friend...

“Mary, why do you not drink like your funny friend?” His gaze was piercing.

Trying hard not to look into his eyes “I don’t like to drink too much”

“Why?” Still maintaining no eye contact

“Because I worry about who I might bump into on the way home” The dark one smiled as if seeing me for the first time....

“You are a sensible young lady” the dark one informed.

“I know” I replied “My worry though is I feel, as if by instinct that you are not who you pretend to be”

The dark one now joined by his friends sits closer to me around the table, all of them focused on me.

“I think I have done you an injustice” he smirked

“That’s Ok” I smiled “I’m glad we’ve sorted it out”

“You do understand what I am saying then Mary?” he moved directly into my view

“Of course I do, I understand completely” I glared towards him and his followers. They all moved slightly in their chairs, their noses pointed, sniffed the air like animals.

My friend now completely draped on one of them, fell across the table giggling in drink.

“Then you wont mind if we take your friend home” said the dark one menacingly. I felt the status change.... the atmosphere grew fraught and I knew I would have to be very careful.

“Actually, I mind very much” All eyes snapped on me, inching in closer.

“Mary pardon me for saying this; my feelings are telling me that you’re not in any position to argue here”
I squirmed, uncomfortable in my seat.

“Actually” I said a little to indignantly “I think you will find I’m very brave and for me this is not the first time I have come across a family, willing to try its chances at taking away a member of my own” I stared hard at the Dark one... puffing up my chest arrogantly I continued, "But it wont happen, I hope you’ll understand why" I gave full eye contact and then for braver effect I lifted my brow.

When he spoke it was in a low creepy whisper “I hear your thoughts Mary, I will tell you this... never before from someone so young have I ever been given such a direct challenge, with this in mind I would like to take this further”

Alarm bells were ringing... I knew I was in trouble... I frantically searched all of their faces for softness, a person willing to help... instead they all gazed back like hungry zombies. I had nothing to bargain with. What could I do? I decided to do what was right. Face the consequences.

“Ok, but before we complete the challenge, I have one minor request”

“What could that be brave girl?” The dark one looked amused.

I want you to allow my friend to go home immediately... by taxi”
The whole table shook with low level laughter, indicating I had shared a joke with them... the dark one, his eyes twinkled... agreed. I called over to the barman.

“Joe, could you ring me a taxi please” I knew it wouldn’t be long before the taxi got here.

The dark one looked at me further; he asked where a little girl like me got such courage from.

Smiling, I reminded him gently I was not brave... I was just doing the right thing.

He looked towards his family. He appeared to study them for a few moments, he commanded in his low creepy whisper that they show me respect... they scowled. I witnessed faces deeply etched in disappointment. He further demanded of them, that I also be shown how a family of his, respected a person who did the right thing... It was at that point I decided he was being flippant. Turning away from him I sighed.

Joe shouted from the bar. “Taxi’s here Mary” I asked the dark one, if I could take my friend to the taxi, promising to return immediately.

“Of course Mary, I trust you completely”

Lifting my friend up I told her I was putting her into the taxi and sending her home, she laughed, telling me she loved me... as always this made me smile, it was something she always said with drink inside her... In the taxi she fell backwards across its seat; I mumbled her address to the driver. An overwhelming feeling of complete and utter sadness gripped me, I knew tomorrow when she woke up she would never know what I had done... she, along with countless others would also realise I had disappeared, never to be seen again.....

Putting her safely in the taxi, I felt the icy chill from a presence up close behind me; closing my eyes I hoped with all my heart, they wouldn’t harm my friend. Stepping back I slammed the door, shouting take her home.

Turning around I saw the two followers of the dark one. They slowly stepped aside allowing me to walk through the pub door. Pushing both doors open I distinctly heard a low level growl, I knew it came from behind.

Walking back towards the fully occupied table, the dark one moved over patting a seat right next to him. I asked if I could have another drink. This time I would drink it deeply... I felt as if this would be a final drink, worse still... I was actually living out my final hour.

Reading my thoughts the dark one smiled, he put his hand on mine and that was when I received confirmation of my previous thoughts. I felt his icy coldness penetrate my skin; I knew that kind of cold could only accompany the dead. I looked at his hand lying across mine, I saw his purple nails. I watched his blue veins pulsate.

The family surrounded me, moving in closer and closer... I felt sure sometime in a nightmare I had been warned about the possibility of this happening... I also knew I was going to die.

Within seconds a drink was slammed down hard on the table, this action was quickly reprimanded by the dark one. Joe shouted over, asking if I was alright. I quickly answered a concerned Joe because.... I just knew these people were extremely dangerous.... My intention was to get them as far away as possible from my family and friends. That was not going to be easy. I sipped at my drink, the dark ones icy grip tightened across my hand.

“I think brave girl, its time we left” he mused.
“Where are we going?” I tried to keep my voice calm and my face poker straight.
“I think we will go back to my place” he teased. This caused a weak stir of laughter amongst the followers.
“Where are you staying?” I asked.
“In a lovely hotel by the beach, do you know it?” I knew he was lying.

“Ok” I blurted “let’s talk about what you really want” Again I caused a bristling sensation of awareness; it circled the table completely grabbing everyone’s attention.
“Aha, I like a girl with spirit one who gets right down to it” His laugh rippled, again touching each one of his followers.

I realised apart from us the pub was empty. I caught Joe’s eye and smiled hopefully indicating all was well.... I didn’t want Joe hurt.

Approaching the table to collect the empties... Joe leaned over towards me whilst he cleared the glasses away; he politely asked if I wanted a taxi... I said I would grab one on the way with my friends. I watched Joe’s demeanour change.... but unfortunately for him so did the followers, they all appeared to have received some sort of unspoken order....

The dark one grabbed me quickly, pulling me away from the table. I watched as all the glasses fell in strange ultra slow motion, crashing then smashing against the wooden floor... I saw two followers lift Joe off his feet, holding him in the air... his poor startled face glowed in the pubs after hours subdued light... another follower stood in front of Joe and with one quick flick of its wrist Joe’s neck was open, it took Joe a second to realise what had happened but by then it was too late... all the followers were on him, I closed my eyes.

I felt stillness, opening my eyes the dark one was staring at me. Joes pub now empty... for a moment I wondered whether I had woken from a bad dream. Then the dark one spoke.

“I am so very sorry you witnessed that”
I began to cry... The dark one pulled me in closer, towards his icy body.